I’ve never liked heavy makeup on women and I can always remember many years ago an incident that took place in a nightclub one night in Paisley. I think it was Toledo Junction in New Street in Paisley, Bert and myself and a few others had gone here to have drink and see if we could get a lumber. Bert and I was very different, he looked like he had just stepped off the set of Miami Vice and I had just come from Woodstock. Our taste in women were also very different. I prefer the natural look and Bert liked the glamorous look.

We had had a few drinks and now it was getting to that time of the night where we had to make our move. Now it was always easier if the two of you went up to ask two women, rather than go up yourself and ask one of them because the success rate was very low. And so up we went and I let Bert choose because he had been watching someone else from the Miami Vice movie set.

Bert was wearing his white jacket that he had bought that afternoon, I think it was about £100, which was quite a bit of money back in the 80’s. We both got lucky and so it was time for ” a ration of passion a kiss and a cuddle” as the DJ would say and the slow dance ensued.  As the dance finished and the lights came up instead of the 4 of us leaving together, the girls must have gotten a fright when the lights came up and decided that they would go home alone. And so Bert and I headed home via the hamburger stall in Gilmour street to see if we could find someone that we knew to cadge a lift home. If no one was there we could get a taxi and if we were lucky, watch a fight or two for entertainment. Gilmour Street was a large square outside the train station, but sometimes it felt more like the Coliseum.

It was only after we left the nightclub that we noticed that the girl Bert had been swooning with on the dance floor had left half of her face on his jacket. The muck she had plastered on her face and come off and stained his brand new £100 jacket and he went mental, I showed no sympathy at all and was laughing my head off, I thought it was hilarious. He took it to the dry cleaners but the jacket was never the same. That young girl had left her mark on Bert and his jacket 🙂 🙂

I’ve never been attracted to women that wear make up so thick that it looks like they have a contract with the Blue Circle Cement company. However I am fascinated by the women that do use this company everyday to put on their clown makeup. I’ve lived in China for the last 18 months and the women there don’t seem to use as much make up and when they do they make themselves look whiter, which is in contrast to the west. At the moment, I am in the UK and I have been astounded at the many women that plaster this muck on their faces without due care and attention.

In the west we want to look brown and healthy, thousands of pounds are spent on going to tanning studios to give you the same look as Donald Trump. These girls and women have embraced this strange practice and I would like to know why. Surely if they look in the mirror they will see that their face is not the same colour as their hands and more importantly not the same colour as their neck. In fact there is usually a line that follows the contour of their jaw line and they seem to forget that they have a neck at all. The contrast between natural and makeup would be similar to the contrast between skin and beard.

And the different colours that are used are many and also quite scary looking. Usually girls with blond hair, fake or otherwise will pick up their trowel and proceed to plaster on a bucket load of beige looking face, highlighted by razor sharp eyebrows that you could set your watch by. It’s absolutely amazing and I would love to have some pictures to share with you so that I could give you some examples, but alas in this day and age if I were to go up to ask someone for a picture then I would be accused of something untoward.

But these are stock images off the net,

I would love to go back to university and do a PHD on the study of “Why women think they need to wear so much make up to make themselves look like clowns” By now you will be thinking, ” so what” I’m not criticising these women but I am truly curious why they think that this is a good look. Some women will wear a little make up and it will will give them that glamorous look and I’m not against it after all it’s been done for millennia.

But it just goes to show you the power of the media that makes millions of women think that they have to go through this process everyday or they are not worthy. The pressure of social media and friends make many individuals feel so insecure that they feel that this is the norm. I guess the make up industry has a lot to lose if they don’t perpetuate the myth that this is a necessary part of everyday life. Below is a graph to show the increase in GBP of the Cosmetic Market in the UK up to 2016.

As you can see the sales figures are staggering. This is a big industry and of course you don’t need a graph to realise this. When you go to the High Street there are makeup shops a plenty. You walk into a large department store and you have to run the gauntlet of smells of the make up and perfumes. Now I will say at this time that I have never worn make up and to be honest I could not be bothered to go through this process everyday of my life. When I had long hair I would dry it by sitting in front of a fan heater and it took about 2 mins to do that. I don’t know of anyone else that did that and now I think I had a missed opportunity for a new gadget to flog to the masses. Heater and Hair Drier in one.

In Scotland it rains a lot, what happens to this make up when it rains? Do they need to run for cover and get out of the rain before their face ends up on the floor or is the technology that good that they can walk confidently through the Scottish weather and hold their head up high as Argent used to say.