I bought a tin of Fray Bentos steak pie the other day from Aldi. I used to love eating this when I was a kid. Mum would get it from time to time. I really loved steak and kidney pie minus the kidney.

When I was sixteen, I used to be into cycling and did a few trips staying at youth hostels along the way. On one occasion, Colin and I headed for Oban. On the first day, we got as far as Loch Lomond youth hostel. It is a lovely spot. We slept in a dorm maybe with 20 bunk beds. I took a bottom bunk.

It was only around 30 miles, but we didn’t have the best of bikes and this seemed far enough. I think we were really quite unfit. It was time to sleep. The dorm was half-full and there were some right dodgy looking characters in this evening. A few bears had wandered in from the cold.

I went and brushed my teeth and on the way back I was trying to be as silent as possible getting back to my bunk. I was nearly there when I stood on something. It was a tube of Colgate and it split open. Toothpaste went everywhere. It looked as if someone had taken a knife to it and slit it along its length. I quickly looked around the dorm and no one seemed to notice what had happened. Luckily, I didn’t get any toothpaste on my shoes and I casually continued to my bunk and left this dead tube of toothpaste with entrails lying all over the floor in the exact same position and continued on my merry way.

I crawled into my bunk and said nothing to Colin, who had already climbed onto the top bunk. I thought the less said the better; I can fill him in come morning.

It had been a long day and I fell asleep easily. A short time later, being rudely awakened by someone going off his nut. The owner of the toothpaste returned and was not happy to see his prized Colgate lying dead on the floor and he was even more incensed because he thought someone had taken a knife to it. I tried not to move and pretended to be asleep even although it would have been impossible. The whole dorm was awake as the tirade continued. He went round every bunk looking at the occupant, sizing them up asking, “Did you see who did this? Was it you? Have you got a knife?” “I’m going to kill the wee bastard when I find them”

I was shitting myself, as I lay motionless in my bunk. The toothpaste of course had to belong to the biggest bear in the room. He was one unhappy bear and at one point, I really thought that if he could not find the culprit he would just go around a beat everyone up anyway.

The storm finally passed. The dorm fell silent until the snoring started but at least the bear had gone back to his lair and all was relatively well, but I could not sleep. I just wanted it to be morning so that I could get on me bike and get as far away as possible from here.

In the morning, the bear had left early and as a few of us sat having breakfast. The bear was the talk of the steamie. We were all sitting there trying to figure out what had happened. Who was the eegit that cut the toothpaste open? Why did they cut the toothpaste with a knife? Didn’t they like the bear? So many questions and no one had any answers but we eventually came to a few conclusions that the bear has obviously pissed someone off and this was fair justice being dished out.

I on the other hand new what had happened. I knew the person responsible for last night’s bear baiting session and I was keeping my mouth well and truly shut.

After breakfast we packed the bikes and headed north, through Tarbet, Arrochar and onto the Rest and Be-Thankfull. A long slow climb which slowly takes its toll on legs and heart but the reward at the top is well worth the effort.

If memory serves me well we were heading to Inveraray, where we would spend the night before heading to Oban the next day. Both rides today and the next wold be around the 50-mile mark but the scenery along the way is beautiful and so it made for an easy journey.

Inveraray is a lovely wee place on the banks of Loch Fyne. On the way, you pass the old torpedo range but now has been decommissioned.

It’s about 60 miles from Oban from Inveraray. I drove it recently and wondered to myself, how the hell did I manage to ride my bike all the way there loaded up with gear, and I was only 16 years old.

On the way, you pass the Cruachan Power Station, a hydro-electric Power station that uses the waters of Loch Awe which in turn is pumped up to the loch high in the hills at off peak. If you get the chance to explore this area, then you must have a look at the power station.

We finally made it to Oban, known as the gateway to the islands. From here, you can go to any one of the numerous islands on the west coast of Scotland. There are distilleries to explore and so many picture perfect places along the way. I like Oban and managed to get there in 2016 so that I could go out to Staffa and Iona.

In 2016 I stayed in an Airbnb, in 1976 I stayed in the youth hostel which was on the sea front. There was a young French girl staying there and we went to the shore with her when the tide was out because she was going to show us how to pick mussels. I’ve never been a lover of mussels. She cooked them up and I was surprised that they tasted better than they looked, but it is the texture that I find hard to find palatable.

Cooking has never been a strong point and on our travels we mainly ate from Greggs the bakers or bought sandwiches or fish’n’chips or black pudding and the like. However, the French girl inspired us to cook for ourselves and so we picked up a Fray Bentos steak pie in a can, how hard could it be to prepare this? You just stick it in the oven for a while and then eat it, too easy.

The French lassie was in the kitchen when we arrived to prepare dinner. We heated the oven and chatted for a while. The oven had reached 200c, time for the pie to begin its journey. Opened the oven and popped in the tin of Fray Bentos.

After about 5 minutes, the young French lassie asked us what were we cooking and we proudly told her Fray Bentos steak pie in a tin. She had never heard of this British delicacy before and was very curious. “Steak pie in a tin?” yes that is right. She went to the oven to inspect this strange beast and then let out a hideous cackle……….she grabbed a dish cloth, reached in and whipped out our dinner from the oven and chucked it into the sink, “What the Fuck!!”

We’re looking on in disbelief, she’s in tears laughing…………….

We asked her “What’s so fucking funny?” She pointed at the very hot tin of Fray Bentos lying swollen in the sink.

“What?”

When she recovered her composure and could finally speak, she said, “You need to remove the lid before you put it into the oven”

“Oh Really?”

Another few minutes in the oven, our Fray Bentos could have turned into and IED and blown the kitchen apart. No one told us to take off the lid before sticking into the oven.

The lid was removed. Dinner was once more placed into the oven. Cooked for however long and then demolished at the table shortly afterwards.

Here endeth the cooking lesson.

And so before I cook my new Fray Bentos I shall read the cooking instructions, I shall remove the lid and hopefully still enjoy this childhood wonder………..