I’ve only seen this in China,  this strange dress code where the kids that are old enough to walk wear trousers with a split up the backside. It is a bit weird to come across this in the street and seeing two wee arse cheeks peeking out. I mean it must be a wee bit chilly not to mention the embarrassment of having your arse hanging oot yer breeks. Mind you I guess it’s good to get a bit of ventilation especially when, let’s say it’s hot . I mean I can imagine that there would be times when a wee breeze blowing around would be quite pleasant, especially if it’s that hot and sticky and the sweat was to start to form in the shuch o’yer arse, then I could see this as a great design feature but not if you live in the state of Victoria in Australia because as of the other day you could be jailed for up to 2 years for letting folk see your arse. You get less jail time if you do a bit of GBH, thieving, break and enter and even smoking a bit of weed. So this might cause a diplomatic incident if the Australians were to lock up some poor kid for wearing his everyday gear. 

I wonder what the rules are in Victoria if you were a wee g-string and you show yer bum?

Well that’s what I got told this afternoon by a couple of young ladies here in China. 😎 Not sure what they had been smoking.

Of course they are completely correct… …stunning good looks coupled with grey highlights   I might have to stay here afterall as it will be good for the ego and of course for the Chinese…..mind you their guide dogs didn’t seem to agree at all 😯

Now there are a lot of guys smoke in China but not all are doing it because they enjoy it. In fact as an ex smoker I know a thing or two about smoking. In fact I have smoked a few things over the years. There were all the usual brands B&H, Club Kingsize,More Menthol, Paki Black Moroccan Gold and the good old Cannabis Resin which if you put on top of a More cigarette then no one was any the wiser,so if I was in the Cochrane House or the Osprey then I could get pissed on one pint if I had one of my special More ciggies. I didn’t “smoke” very much because it was so expensive  I mean back in 1980 it was around £15 for an amount no bigger than a cold and flu tablet  but if you bought in bulk and then resold it you could get to smoke it for free so to speak. I found this to be a good option.

So anyway back to the smokers at hand.  And may I say at this point I’ve been in China two weeks, although it feels like a lifetime, and I’ve only seen one woman smoker. I’m sure there are a lot more women smoking here than I’ve seen but I think they must do it behind closed doors. I think it’s kinda frowned upon. Go figure, with everything else going on in this vast country.

I’d better get back to my story of observation.  Many men smoke but they are not really smoking. It’s all for show, I mean it’s a competition to see who can be the coolest without getting cancer. They hold the cigarettes in a variety of poses which if I didn’t know better I would think they have changed sides. It’s always better to have a new ciggy dangling from the corner of the mouth like some poor impersonation of Clint Eastwood in a Few Dollars More. For years I’ve felt the urge to walk up to one of these cool dudes and take the cigarette and show them how to take a real draw, I’m sure half of them would cough and spluter. But then every so often you come across a smoker who is sucking on that thing like his life depended on it and I think these real smokers need to be congratulated for not bowing down to peer pressure.  The choice to kill themselves slowly has been taken by them and no one else and they need to be acknowledged for there bravery and of course stupidity.

This cigarette phenomenon I see in China does not only exist here it’s everywhere,  it’s just there are so many here and you really notice it. I’ve come to China to teach English but I’m thinking of opening a Smoking School because I feel there is quite a big market here. And of course I would love to document this expression.

I do like walking and until I can source another mode of transport this is what I do. They have “Boris Bikes”here but I haven’t got myself a travel card yet that allows me to use them and to be honest the last time I used them I thought I had broken my knees. They are a wee bit small, I guess they’re designed for the Chinese form and not us lanky westerners. And by lanky I mean 176cm. That’s 5 feet 8 in in the old money. I would prefer to buy my own bike but I’m not sure how long I’m going to be here so I don’t want to spend $400 or $500 on a decent bike. So until I decide Shanks Pony it is. 

There are other options but the only problem is that my Chinese is rubbish. Buses seem to go everywhere but it’s getting to know where they go. My guide Simon has been busy with work and I haven’t been able to get a lesson on how to work the local map system on my phone. As you know Google does not work here.  I’m really not sure if it’s because the Chinese fell out with them or the fact that Google just seems to be way better in so many ways.  Google maps and Google translate are great and i think more accurate than their Chinese counterparts. But until then I will need to learn more Chinese and also learn to read more of the characters. 

So I went off on a different direction and my goal was Jinji Lake which I managed to find after the usual hiccup of going 180 degrees in the wrong direction.  I’m not sure why this is happening? old age maybe, but I have my own theory which I have mentioned before but no harm in imparting this piece of wisdom once more. It goes like this, I was born in the northern hemisphere and so my internal compass is developed from birth. But I have lived almost half my life in the southern hemisphere and so my internal compass had adapted to life there.  China is in the northern hemisphere but my internal compass is fighting against my location and getting confused and it always seems to be 180deg out.  The same thing happened when I was in London but as long as I didn’t look at the map and just listened to instructions I was OK. Here because I have to look at the map my brain is getting it wrong, either that or it’s the onset of K.R.A.F.T.disease.

I made it to Jinji Lake.

Jinji Lake has been a part of Suzhou for a long long time but in recent years had been developed into a place of leisure and of course a place to live. When you walk around the lake you will spot many weird and wonderful statues or sculptures, in fact all over Suzhou you will find hidden gems.

There was even a Tally van

It is of course another oasis in this very large city. To be honest there are many places to go here  Suzhou has a lot of choice and is quite a nice city. I haven’t been here quite two weeks yet and it’s been good to find a few places where I can escape the chaos of my neighbourhood. Maybe I’ll stay a bit longer. ….

I found a Subway in my travels today and so I had a foot long steak and cheese with all the usual bits and pieces on it  even the Southwest sauce. 

It’s exactly the same as the Subway in the Swich although there were no fat people in singlets. In fact as you can see there were no people at all. The prices are the same as the west which for here is quite expensive but at $8 it was good to have some familiar food. 

And it was quite tasty and filled a space which is always a good thing. I will be back. 

At most train stations and metro underground stations there are security checkpoints just like the airport. Your bags go through the x ray scanner which I think is a good thing,  however this morning the steadfast security officer was catching up on last nights sleep. It’s good to know we are in safe hands…….

Well that’s how many steps I have done so far today and my feet are complaining ever so slightly. I had a late start to the day and I wandered off to explore the neighbourhood. I headed in the direction which I new would take me to the moat that surrounds old Suzhou. I crossed it and continued down the street passed many small food shops so I stopped for some mid morning dumplings. These dumplings were in a bowl of spicy soup called Jin Tai Jaozhi, absolutely delicious.

When I finished I headed back to the moat. On my first crossing I noticed a foot path along the side of the river so it seemed like a good idea to follow it to see where it went. So I started walking clockwise around the moat.

So I came across this sign quite near the start of the walk and I thought to myself that I would walk around the moat. The first thing I noticed was that the gardens and the river walk were very peaceful.  No bloody car horns or traffic noise, this was great.  At last I have found a form of sanctuary not too far from my apartment. 

I must admit at the start it seemed like a great idea and even when I got to the half way mark I was still feeling fresh. My feet were still happy and I had even worn my thick socks and I hiking boots, so why shouldn’t they be happy. 

At the 3/4 mark I thought that maybe I should have taken the short way home when I had a chance but I have passed the point of no return so I don’t have a choice. 

I continued to walk and block out the complaints from my feet. Every step took me one step closer to home so I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And then to my surprise I see a building that I recognise, I saw it yesterday,  it’s Suzhou University. Not far now. The pace slows but the end is in sight so all is well.

I complete the loop of the moat and feel quite chuffed and relaxed because I haven’t had to listen to the bloody traffic horns. I’ve had peace and quiet for hours and managed to listen to some music along the way. 

An early dinner I think because once the shoes are off today they will not be getting put back on. I wish I was back in Thailand so that I could get a foot massage ’cause my feet are not very happy. 

Once my feet have been set free they seem to settle and I think a good rest is in order and maybe even a single malt to ease the pain. 

I’m not sure if they get taught in China to sit on the horn when they drive but it has got to be one of the most annoying things here, almost as bad as the spitting that takes place.  I think I mentioned before that you are half expecting to see a blackened lung follow it out onto the ground. 

I’m sitting at the entrance to Suzhou university while I wait to meet one of the students and there is s bike lane here also. One guy is after going passed finger on horn and there is no one else there. What the fuck? 

They have not been driving long in China and so you have millions of learners on the road and most don’t seem to have a clue. Rather than look where they are going and adjust their driving to suit they just stand on the horn and expect it all to work out. I came here years ago and it was the same but the only difference this time is that there are more cars and more noise. I fuckin’ hate it and it’s getting on me tits. So much so that I really want to get way from here and back to some peace and quiet. I guess the grumpy old man has grown within and the tolerance within is now almost non existant. So now what?  Do I stay? Do I leave?  Do I take this as an opportunity to learn?  I do want to stay and learn and do the right thing because there are a few people expecting me to stay and I don’t want to let them down but I ain’t happy and for me that’s what it boils down too.

I find myself in Starbucks again for a meeting with another prospective employer.  Why they come here is still a mystery of course;  no it’s not really.  They come here because it’s the place to be seen,  it’s trendy,  it’s status. They certainly don’t come here for the coffee because it’s shit. I’ve tasted dirty water with more flavour than an Americano coffee.  You know there are so many other coffee shops here which are far better in regards to the quality of coffee and flavour,  but they do not have the status that Starbucks has managed to muster. And of course it comes from the country that is soon to deliver to the world president Trump,say no more. 

Anyway my Chinese friend has left and I’m sitting here staying out of the rain and then through the fog of noise I hear, what I thought was a voice coming over a tannoy, but it is in fact the nasal filled voice of a very loud American girl. My god what must that voice be like without all the background chatter?  

The place is full of foreigners and I’m just another one adding to the myth that Starbucks is the place to be. The after taste in my mouth can only be compared to the after taste of a full 16mg cigarette. In fact that might be a more pleasant experience. 

Do yourself a favour and avoid Starbucks like the plague, you would be better taking up smoking really. Not only is it cheaper it’s far more enjoyable.

The Kuzi building or trousers in English. Just one piece of interesting architecture in Suzhou. Quite a contrast to old Suzhou at Pinjiang Road.