We’ve only been travelling for about an hour and it’s been a harrowing experience. Dave is driving and he is fuckin scary to say the least. He has absolutely no idea what he’s doing. On the highway he is not happy to stick to one lane but instead straddles two of them and then has the cheek to blast his horn when someone else comes to close to him.  You can see he can’t focus on the driving but instead changes the music or opens the sunroof. The car is rarely held in a straight line and his speed can vary from 70kph to 120kph. He’ll take his foot of the throttle and coast.He sits in the outside lane most of the time and so most folk pass us on the inside,  mind you it sounds like he could easily drive in Australia 😆

Up ahead the sign says that the next service centre is about 5km away but we are still in the outside lane even although there is no traffic nearby in the other two lanes. There are plenty of signs giving the countdown to the services exit but Dave is oblivious to them all.  Now I know they want to stop, but I say nothing when we pass the 500m mark and then with about 200m to go he attempts to cut across from the outside lane to make the exit but we slow from 100kph down to about 50kph and start to move across, it’s at this point I shout keep going because I’m quite aware of the traffic around us but I don’t think Dave has used the mirror since he combed his hair. So fuckin scary. When he changes lanes it’s not a subtle gradual line but instead the wheel almost does a quarter turn. Thankfully we carry on to the next service station but this time I tell him in plenty of time about the exit and of course Rita is sitting in the back and I think she is as worried as I am.  Even although I was shitting myself I didn’t go to the loo but my spirits lifted when Rita was volunteered to take over the driving. 

So we’re on our way back and my blood pressure, heart rate and anxiety levels have returned to a more comfortable level. So I’m thinking, in 3 hours I’ll be home, having a hot shower,  clean clothes and a warm bed, but just as I am enjoying this thought I get told that we will stop at Dave’s sisters house for lunch. I don’t want to I want to go home. But lunch was good and I was hungry so c’est la vie.

Back on the road again and the nightmare resumes once more as Dave takes the wheel for the next 50km to home. He misses a turn off even although the gps is telling him where to go and so I get my phones gps running so I can keep track.  Like most Chinese he drives as if he is the only vehicle on the road. Has no sense of self or others. My gps tells me 5km to go and so my spirits lift when I can see only 3 more turns. We exit the freeway and come down to a set of traffic lights which are red but that’s ok because we are turning and you still can turn on a red. You know, he turned on to that road and did not even check to see if any traffic was coming, he just went straight on without a care in the world. I however was keeping an eye on things and thankfully no one was there, thankfuck. Of course this kind of behaviour is not just in China, you see it all over Asia,  but to be in car with someone doing it is a  different kettle of fish. I’ve never been so glad to get my feet back on terra firma. Ah need a drink!!

So I’m not able to go to the Bathhouse so I decide to give the auxsters and face a quick rub so it’s taps aff even although it’s fuckin freezin, but I think I’m beginning to smell but I don’t think anyone cares ’cause we’re drinking so much white spirit. I must admit I care a wee bit. 

But it’s just above freezing and it’s quite invigorating, but it’s not something I want to do every day. 

The fireworks have been going all night and I haven’t really slept since about 3am and today is going to be a big day. After breakfast we head about 30 mins north to Lobster Town,yes that’s right Lobster Town. They breed lobster here in large quantities. This is where one of the many relatives live and the one that will host today’s events.  They live on the top floor of an apartment block. From the outside it looks like an old dreary building but inside it is tastefully decorated and it’s lovely and warm which is great.

Many family members arrive and then after about 20 mins or so everyone starts to pile out the door,  we’re leaving.  We get to the restaurant and it’s very fancy. Up to the second floor and into the large room. We take up 3 tables so I guess there must be about 40 guests or more.

There’s food already on the table which is a small selection of what’s to come.  I’m at the head table as a guest of honour and I sit beside the 2 brothers that head the family.  The first thing that’s done when we sit is that the wine is brought out, this is Chinese wine which is white spirit.

I’ve never been a lover of white spirits but this is very nice.  I’m told that it’s very strong and if I don’t want to do the bottoms up no one will be offended. But to my credit I think I kept up and I felt ok. The other thing they dished up was cigarettes.  Packets of them are dumped on the table and almost everyone lights up. This is the second thing that I don’t like here especially at meal times. The noises and ciggies. Even when I did smoke I’ve never understood why you light up between courses,  but here it’s more than that it’s like a ritual.

I ate most of the food that came out apart from the chicken feet and the fish. The meal was great and there was plenty of drinking done and then we all headed for the KTV or karaoke to you and me.

The Chinese like their karaoke and they like it loud. It was only a matter of time before I got called up but I’m afraid the choice of English songs is very small and so they pick a Lana Delray song that I’ve heard but it’s not easy to sing. The good thing is only about 3 people understand English and so I look and sound like a superstar or maybe I’ve still got to much of that white booze in my system.

It’s late afternoon and the sun is going down,  it’s been a long day.  There are a few casualties from the booze but I’m still waiting for it to kick in and do some damage but I’m feeling ok. When we get back home we have some tea and it’s back to the reality of the cold house.  But most people are tired and so it’s an early night. I listen to BBC radio 2, the wonders of the Internet and a VPN in rural china.  On another note it’s a sad day this week because after 30 years Alex Lester will not be on in the middle of the night on the BBC. I’ve listened to him for years in Australia and any other part of the world I’ve been in. Not sure what the BBC are thinking.

Anyway the fireworks have started once more as my head hits the pillow so Happy New Year.

No pictures I’m afraid but this was an experience. I’m sure there are a few in the crowd that like this kind of thing but I ain’t one of them, but in China it’s common practice. There is no shower in the home just now cause it’s solar and it’s winter and there you go.  So after our journey the day before we go for our weekly bath. I feel that I’m 10 years old again and it’s bath night, although this bath is public of course and no cubicles. Just get your kit off and find a free shower. I must admit the water was great and I was very happy to stay under it for some time, but I prefer my accommodation to have a good bathroom and don’t get me started about the outside loo when it’s freezing outside. 

Now if you feel really dirty and you think you can’t reach all the nooks and crannies you can lie on one of the tables and be washed by a friendly helper who seemed to be taking great delight in inflicting pain on the poor individual that was under his wet towel and this was only  $1 extra, a bargain if ever I saw one.  But I way prefer going to the bath house in Bangkok where you are looked after by a lovely young lady, however that’s not possible right now.  Mind you it does cost a bit more than $1. So as you might have guessed I did not take up this offer but instead had my shower and left.  Not sure when my next shower will be but I hope it’s not going to be too many days from now. I’ll keep you posted. 

2 days ago I left Suzhou with Dave and Rita to go to their home town where we would spend New Year with their family. It was only a short journey, about 4 hours or so, which was ok.  The driving outside the city on the highway is scary to say the least but we made it here to Maba in one piece. 

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I got here but the town is not completely rural although there are many rice fields on the way. 

The sun was shining but it was cold. The house has a small courtyard. The house is on the right and the kitchen is in front. I quickly realised that this was not going to be a comfortable home from home. What reinforced this was when I was asked if I would go to the public baths next morning for a shower.  I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it and I did. 

The house is nice but there is no heating at all. I’m very grateful to be invited though and the extended family have been very welcoming indeed. They were concerned about me coming to be honest because they were wondering how I would cope. It’s ok until you have to go to the loo or get your kit off. I have plenty of clothes with me to keep warm. 

Mind you they can’t quite understand why I eat banana and bread in the morning instead of what you eat at lunch or dinner and I think they felt a little offended at first but I think they realise that us foreigners are just weird or maybe it’s just me. 

I did go for a stroll down to the centre of town to get my bananas and that caused quite a stir because there ain’t many tourists in this part of China and there was plenty of curiosity and did I blow their minds when I spoke in Chinese😆

A man has died whilst training to be a skydiver in Ireland…. 

………………….

A spokesman for The Ballykelly Skydiving School in County Cork, said that a full and thorough investigation would be held immediately…… 

To find out why his snorkel and flippers failed to open…..

I went to the art gallery in Suzhou today and this was presented by Chinese, Japanese and Korean students and I want to know what drugs they are on, seriously what the fuck.  Neo-Eden is the name. I mean check this out and tell me your thoughts?  Was does Pauline say “Please explain ”

                                         This is maybe from a big coo.

This one I thought was ok ’cause it had pretty colours and there was UV light making everything vivid and my sun tan look great 😆

Not much on the television though

My favourite winter’s dish. Potato,peppers beef with chilli and a bowl of soup

Well I haven’t had one of these for a while and it’s related completely to consuming way too much red wine last night. I went on a trip to a place called Dongshan which is at Taihu Lake about an hour or so from Suzhou. It’s a large freshwater lake and is famous for the fish and the creatures that come from the lake. There are many restaurants that you can go to but today we went to Dongshan township where they also grow tea. The green tea that is grown here is very famous and also one of the best in China.

The mountain is quite high, the tour guide said it was around 3000m but I don’t think is correct as we climbed to the top quite quickly, but the path on the way up is very steep. We walked over the top and down the other side and into the old village where we went through an old house which had been standing for the past 500 years. It did look very old, although you could see where there had been some modern fixes.

We entered through the main door and into a Cart park apparently. This would be where the guests would arrive and park the horse and carriage before entering into the main reception hall. All very civilised.

After this tour of the old house and Township we headed back for the banquet. I again forgot to take pictures here but I can assure you that there was food aplenty. We had eel, crab, mutton, jellyfish, fish, veggies and lots more and copious amounts of red wine. There was a celebration going on this evening where two tour companies where beginning a partnership and there was lots of Ganbei, which is bottoms up and you have to skull your drink. And you can tell the folk that have played this game before because if they have a lot of wine in there glass they will say cheers, so you only have to take a small sip. But if they only have a little then they will say Ganbei , so you have to sink in in one and I did this many times. Too many as I discovered this morning. But it was a great day out in a very crisp winters day in Suzhou.

And now I’m going to have some Tea and food and maybe a siesta, 🙂

What a strange day it has been. I went to meet some friends about a project called Album of Suzhou. We are going to make a series of short films around the city and guess what I’m the leading movie star for the first one at least. I had to learn a script, I even had to walk and talk at the same time,  but after 3 takes it seemed we were done for today at least.It was a wrap as we say in the business. 

We moved on to a different location, to Pingjiang Lu and took a few more shots there.  It’s been a very surreal day indeed. I tried some local food and drew a crowd. I’m an old white guy in China and all of a sudden I’m in the spotlight. 2017 has got off to a fine start indeed.  I shall keep you posted on my acting career and maybe I’ll get that Oscar or a BAFTA.