Another weekend has come and gone and yet it makes no real difference. For months now it has been one long continuous break with no definition between days and so they all just meld together and each day is then punctuated with eating, ablutions, washing and the hunt for food or toilet paper, oh and I do go for a walk every morning which is great because the weather is fine and Armidale is beautiful at this time of year and the autumn colours are just spectacular.
In this state of limbo and as one of the many that are not working or have a regular schedule I sometimes feel guilty that I am basically getting money for nothing and my kicks for free as I lounge at home, but I also know that I am one of the lucky ones and I don’t take it for granted.
I should be doing more, maybe learning a new skill or brushing up on my Chinese language or even begin to write that book that I have always wanted to write, but I think because there is no pressure then I struggle to get motivated for such things and instead my mind wanders to a time when I can once more jump on a plane and travel the world. Or my other great plan is to win lotto, which I may add would be a great thing to do now because I could then buy myself another house and move into it and give my sister and brother in law back their privacy. I have also considered the kind of car I would buy to go with the house and of course this would have to be a Range Rover, British Racing Green of course.
If I could get my inspiration for writing again then I would also be happier because right now my mind is basically a blank. In China I would often find the words beginning to flow over the slightest of triggers. It might be an incident I witnessed, going for lunch or the day the wee cockroach paid me a visit. I started writing about him and the words just kept flowing like a river effortlessly one after another. My friend Peter sent me some of his writings to have a look at and I am always amazed by the colour of the vocabulary that he uses especially since his native tongue is Russian. I really need to find my writing mojo once more and you know I don’t care if anybody likes it because it is not for anyone else anyway.
In some ways I have become used to having so much time on my hands and there is no need to feel guilty because the choice has been taken away from me along with my guilt. I would love to go for a drive but I have no car and due to the current lock down we can’t go anywhere anyway, although there are some folk not really listening to this advice. Maybe I’m beginning to go a little bit stir crazy, who knows…………..
If I had been able to do my last visa run I would have still been in China where life is slowly returning to normal and where my good friend Sissi has decided to go on a Chinese adventure to many of the places I was planning to go to myself this year. I was supposed to be heading off to the north west of China for a few weeks just around this time and so I am a little bit jealous of her. I will definitely return to China next year even if it is just for a holiday and if I am lucky I will get another two year visa. After being back in Australia for 6 weeks now and having time to mull things over I think that I will return to the Orient for another stint, partly because I don’t really know what I can do here in Australia or what I want to do here in Australia. My house becomes available to me in August and if I knew what I wished to do in the future then I would begin my plans but I still have this itchy feeling in my feet and gut that tell me that it is not quite the right time to give up my Oriental dream. My interests lie elsewhere and part of me would really like to experience more of China but I don’t want to go back to the life that I had because in my previous life there I was beginning to fall into a rut and that of course can happen anywhere you lay your hat.
So technically the world is still my oyster but at the moment it is closed for business and I will just have to wait for it to open once more and in the meantime find my mojo.