This past week has seen the amount of snot and mucus reach an all time high. It’s been a long time since I have coughed up a lung. This head cold hit me with a vengeance and as a result I had to buy some drugs, Codral tablets to be exact. They seem to work a lot better than I remember as they do cut down the amount of snot produced but then it reaches a consistency that makes it difficult to exit the nasal passage or throat for that matter. I can feel lumps of it caught in my throat as it clings on for dear life.

Strepsils have menthol in them and they instantly open all the apertures you need for breathing and then the snot is released in cycles of undignified guttural noises and this is when you need to have your spittoon at the ready. In fact I think a spittoon is a must in these situations.

By Friday I had run out of Codral and so I returned to the chemist to see if there were any other options because although I was feeling slightly better this cloud was still lingering and I wanted to shift it. I went for some Demazin, which had a day and night option with bright pink night tablets ready to be popped. I prepared myself by buying a vegetarian pizza which I scoffed whole heartedly, followed by several cups of tea and then a few spicy crisps and almonds to make sure I had an all round balanced diet.

I popped two pink tablets at around 9pm and wandered off to bed to get good nights sleep. I switched off the alarm and switched on a podcast. I don’t remember much of the podcast, can’t even remember what it was about. When I awoke the sun was up, which is unusual. It was 7 am and I had slept right through, but instead of feeling fan dabby dozy I was as flat as a pancake. These drugs really fuck you over.

After breakfast the snot returned, but I was feeling that the drugs had at least given its marching orders to the snot and so I decided to drop one more normal Demazin and rest my weary head once more. I woke up at 10am and after a cuppa headed out to the garden. No more drugs until it’s time for bed, these fuckers knock you out and create lethargy in spades.

I had to do a big washing because as it has rained for the last few years, it was nice to once more see the sun. The tree in the back yard has needed a trim for some time now and so began to trim the lower branches using my wonderful bow saw on a stick that I have. It effortlessly cut through the thinner branches and before you know it the amount of light reaching the ground had increased tenfold. The next time I tackle this I will need to get out the ladders and trestles but to be honest I don’t feel strong enough to tackle this at the moment and I feel that this is partly due to these Demazin drugs, they seem to suck the life force from you.

Saturday evening I retired early and took more Pink tabs, I’m not up early on Sunday so I can take it easy.

Sunday morning I got up at 8am, haven’t done that in many a long day. I won’t be taking anymore of those this week because I need to get up early in the morn and I don’t want to fight through the fog at dark o’clock.

The snot has certainly reduced, but the lumps of phlegm being launched from my throat has increased and the spittoon needs to be emptied more often which is a good thing. My body feels very weak and I have no desire to do anything, even although this is the first weekend for weeks when the sun has been shining. The wind is blowing a gale and feels very cold and the mere thought of going out there to cut the grass sends a shiver down my spine…………I’ll do it tomorrow. (Asta manyana)

So today. Sunday, I have eaten breakfast, had one Demazin, had a snooze, had tea, sat outside, ate lunch while watching TV and then had another siesta and now I am writing this which will be followed by more coffee, more eating whilst watching TV and then it will be time for bed. No doubt tomorrow I’ll wake up with the beginnings of a guilt trip for doing absolutely nothing today, however if the snot has fucked off and I can wash out the spittoon and put it back into storage I will be a happy man.