The yellow Ford stopped at the pump,

Music blaring, thump thump thump,

Blonde bint at the wheel, hair like straw,

I’m thinking to myself, “this is someone’s Ma”

She’s oot the car and what a sight,

Our eyes meet, shit what a fright……

Saggy tattoos on wrinkled arms,

One of her more beguiling charms?

Chest to her knees, arse big as a bus,

Latex leggings about to burst,

Big shiny cowboy boots, whit a mess,

Black metal singlet, dark glasses too,

This old bint must be nearly 82,

Wurzle Gummage springs to mind,

A scary sight at any time,

Strutting her stuff reliving her youth,

Even although she’s a bit long in the tooth,

Her mind is young, her body old,

The Ford looks good and the colour bold,

She don’t give a Fuck,

She lives life to the full,

Mooth like a sewer, but she ain’t no fool,

Sniggers abound, me included,

Am thinking to myself that she might be deluded,

But each to their own, be young at heart,

You don’t want to end up a fogey old fart,