Didi is the Chinese version of Uber. Well in fact Uber were bought out by them last year. I finally used it the other day. I was running late for an appointment and so I took the plunge. Now I’ve never used any type of app like this before to order a taxi but how hard can it be? Well in China there is an extra challenge, the app is in Chinese, no English so there lies the challenge.

I have the address I’m going to saved on my phone so that’s easy enough because all I have to do is copy and paste it into the correct field. First step done and then I proceed to the payment area. Step 2 completed and then that’s me, ready to have my first Didi taxi. Now on the screen it should tell me the registration number and colour of the car but I can’t find it. Panic is setting in and I’m thinking of cancelling the whole thing and just be late for my meeting.

Then the worst thing happens, the phone rings…………Fuck Fuck. The driver is going to ask me where I am, what do I say, will he understand me, will I understand him Fuck Fuck.

A few words pass between us and I explain that I am a stupid foreigner and I’m next to the metro station, he can’t miss me and then he hangs up. Now all  this time I am being watched it seems by a young lady and she comes up to me and asks me if I am ok and I tell her I am waiting for a taxi but not sure what’s happening because my Chinese is not good enough. She looks at my phone and scans the street and then points to a red car crawling along the road………this is my car woo hoo. I thank her and then go to my taxi. The driver and I exchange a few words and I tell him this is my first time I have used Didi. He smiles and seems friendly enough. I can relax and enjoy the ride. Better still  his driving is actually quite good.

Now Didi was very convenient and quite cheap but it was a very stressful process, why? because I can’t read Chinese well and can’t speak it very well but I am chuffed that I have the skills to stumble my way through. Obviously the driver understood me on the phone so that was a bonus. Hopefully next time will be a little easier.

Now I like to wear my walking boots whether it’s hot or cold because they are very comfy. The weather is becoming warmer and I will still wear them for several reasons. They are light and comfortable,  they protect my feet from the many uneven roads. I twisted my ankle a year ago and I still like to protect it. But the sun is strong when it comes out and I like to protect my feet. Anyway where am I going with this,  well let me tell you. 

I see many people staring at them when I’m out and about and I’m never too sure whether they want them or they think I’m a fucking nutter, possibly the latter I would think. Sometimes it’s a sly look from the corner of their eye if I’m on the Metro. Walking along the street they glance quickly as we pass each other. But then sometimes I know it’s just shoe envy😆

It’s raining cats and dogs, it’s pissin doon, the rain is stoatin aff the flair and so I decide to go and get some culture and there is no better place than the Suzhou True Colour Museum on a wet and driech day like today. Now if you decide to do a Google on this you will have to use the American spelling “color” Yes their language permeates every part of the globe reducing the IQ levels of all that have the misfortune of coming across it. The Chinese of course like it because it’s easier to understand, but when they want to understand English properly they will call on the services of a qualified native speaker such as myself. Now what I find amusing is that I have more trouble being understood in Australia than I do in China and that‘s when I’m speaking English of course.

The True Colour Museum is tucked away off the beaten track in Suzhou, but it’s not too hard to find. It seems to be in the middle of an industrial area and of course when you get inside of it becomes apparent why they have picked such a location. The rooms are vast and there are many. But the strange thing is that you don’t feel dwarfed in any way and the art is so large that everything looks to be in perspective.

At one time this old building might have been filled with noise and machines, but today it’s filled with some wonderful art. I’ve never been one to analyse art or start to pretend I know what the artist was thinking or what the underlying metaphor was in his last piece, no I just enjoy it or loathe it on its presence in the here and now.

And I thought that the art here on show was very good. We had one room that seemed to be dedicated to Tea. We had Tea Pots and plenty of tables set up for what looked like a tea ceremony.

Now this is where it can be difficult of course. I can’t read Chinese and so maybe I miss out a little by not understanding the explanations, but another way to look at it is that I have the freedom to make up my own mind rather than having it polluted by some arty farty guru.

I went up to the second floor and for me this is where it got a lot more interesting. There are many bold pieces of art; there are many large pieces of art, but then again when you look at them you could be easily fooled into thinking that you could take one home and hang it on your wall and then you realise that you don’t have a wall big enough, or maybe I could hang it on the outside of the house. Or maybe my house is not big enough. These large rooms accommodate this art really well and the scale of the room and the art seems to be in sync.

One of the young folk working took the opportunity to chat with me, I guess just to get away from looking at her phone for a while. It must be a terrible place to work. To go in to work in the morning with the prospect of counting the hours till you finish, how dreadful. So along came me and she told me that the featured artist on this floor likes cats and travel and this kind of strange art. It does look quite different and it’s very pleasing to look at. I have no idea where artists find their inspiration but every now and again you can connect with what they are trying to say, although you don’t know what they are trying to say ‘cause you are just normal and not an arty farty person. I cannot remember the artist name but I think if you see his work somewhere else you would recognise it.

Maybe the weather kept many people away from here today or maybe it’s because it’s a Tuesday. You have to be careful about Tuesday’s, just ask Baldrick.

I saw four other visitors today and a few staff wandering around this vast interior and it was wonderful because I think having the place almost to myself made the experience that much better. It was my private viewing; I could wander around in complete silence and appreciate what was on offer. Although, there was one pesky mosquito that wanted to take a chunk out of my leg when I was trying to take a few pictures. I felt this thing stick its huge fangs into me, I went in for the kill and in a blink of an eye I missed it and smacked my own leg quite hard, much to the amusement of the mosquito no doubt.

So all in all I think that a few hours wandering about here was very enjoyable and it was great to escape the chaos of life for a few hours, oh and the rain 🙂

Almost every day, if I’m home that is. the smell of chilly wafts into my room, although at different time of the day. Now I like chilly and can take a fair bit of it but whoever the culprit is that is to blame for this slight inconvenience must have a cast iron gut and an arse that must be lined with asbestos.

My breathing just comes to a halt when I get a whiff of it, it is overpowering. My eyes begin to water, I begin to cough and it just stops you in your tracks. There is a restaurant downstairs but I’m on the 11th floor and so I know it’s not them. But this morning, at 7.30 am just after the birds got up, because it’s raining again and they were having a long lie, the smell of chilly being cooked came flooding through my window and it hovered in my room and would just not leave. There is not a lot of wind today and so it got trapped in my room. I went outside onto the balcony but it was no better there. Death by chilly is not a good way to go.

I was told yesterday that Suzhou has a wet season. The humidity has been really high in the last week and so the mosquitoes are coming out to play at night. And they seem to like my blood quite a lot which is a bit of bad news. Funny thing they sound the same as any other mosquito I have encountered around the world. I have resorted to using mosquito repellent. You plug it into the wall and put in a small pad that then begins to burn slowly and the wonderful mix of chemicals keep the mosquitoes at bay. However I do not like to use such things because you have no idea what carcinogenics you are sucking into your lungs. So I usually put it on for a few hours with the room shut and then I open the windows when I go in and hopefully the mosquito nets will keep these ravenous beasts at bay.

A few nights ago I had a terrible sleep, the heat, the mosquitoes, but last night it was the rain, oh and the accompanying thunder storm. No idea what time it was but it was kinda light outside and the rain was pissin doon, it wus stoatin’ aff the road and it woke me up.

So it’s only the start of June and it’s going to be like this for some time. If I had access to a car then I really wouldn’t care because I can put on the aircon and be cocooned in my bubble, but when you have to go everywhere by public transport and then you start to feel that first bead of sweat starting to make its way down to the shuch o’ yer erse, well it is not a pleasant feeling ah tell you.

And you could cut the air with a knife, party due to the high humidity but also the high level of pollution. A blue sky is a rare thing in Suzhou at the moment. As I write this it is very overcast obviously but sometimes it’s a haze. The buildings in the distance don’t seem to be in focus.

I live on the top floor of an apartment block and so if there is any wind then I will get it. I’m on the eleventh floor, so how the fuck do these mosquitoes get up here. They do call Suzhou the Venice of the East and so there are plenty of canals around, in fact there is a lovely green one outside my apartment. I don’t like to use the air conditioning and so I will lie in bed and seek out the faintest breath of wind coming in through the window and what a pleasure it is when it finally reaches you. If you are lucky for it to land on a pressure point then your whole body will fell the benefit. So when you are sitting in the car for instance, all you have to do is place one of your wrists over a vent and your whole body will begin to cool down. There is no need to have the air conditioning belting out.

This time next week I should be back in Australia and one thing I’m looking forward to is driving my wee car again,  just hope that she will start after sitting for nearly 12 months. I will keep you posted. But in Australia it is also winter and so I will have a couple of weeks of relief from this miserable Suzhou weather.

They’re relentless and they never seem to tire,

With brush in hand and eye on the street

They reclaim the days rubbish

And consolidate.

They will never be out of a job,

Too many people drop their shit and don’t care.

From birth children watch and learn,

Parents dropping without a care,

Without a blink,  without a breath,

So quick to discard,  so slow to think.

If this was me I would die of guilt,

Karma would get me and drop some shit,

My punishment and penalty would fit,

My burden would be great,

But you know what I really hate,

They don’t give a rats.

This green army is fighting a losing  battle,

They are so few to the many,

To walk through the squalor,

To smell the stench,

What must it be like,

To have the shackles of guilt removed,

To go through your daily life and be free.

Well they say it never rains but it pours. I seem to be in demand at the moment from several sources. I’m currently running about Suzhou between some international companies enhancing their English. Apparently they find me quite easy to understand and they commented that my English was quite good. Mind you I’ve always thought that.

Each time I go to one German company we just discuss a topic. Yesterday we spoke about managing stress and tomorrow we will talk about movies and who knows what we will discuss after that. But I was so keen to discuss the 28th anniversary of Tienanmen Square which was on the 4th June. But I never saw anything here on any news or media about what might be going on in Hong Kong, because they usually celebrate it. I spoke to one Taiwanese girl, who is the owner of a coffee shop and even she lowered are voice quite a lot when we discussed it. I did too of course because you are not quite sure of the reaction of the locals.

The conversation started because she was telling me that she had spent many years in London and felt so sad about the 3 fucking religious nutters that attacked many innocent people. So happy the police took them out, at least the UK government won’t have to pay for their upkeep. These folk are just a waste of fucking space. They should do what they do in Cambodia, which is to send the families a bill for the bullets used.

The west will often comment on the lack of human rights in China, but you know something………..it’s a safe country. You can walk the streets at night in most places and you will feel safe. Male or female. Of course there are no go areas in certain parts of town, but that’s the same in any country, but on the whole you feel safe and it is safe. Many people in China accept the fact that they can’t do this or they can’t do that, but they feel safe. They also think that the government is protecting it’s people. When they see these kind of atrocities taking place around the world they feel happy to be living in China. And yes I know there will be a few out there getting on their high horse reading this, but I say “come and live here for a while and see the world through Chinese eyes”

Many countries have had their Tienanmen moments in the past. I always find it amusing that one of the biggest hypocrites is America, it doesn’t seem to remember any further back than last week and even then it will be classed as Fake News.

I’ve known Ivor and Shirley for about 14 years, but it doesn’t seem as long as that. I was living on the Goldcoast in Australia not to far from Dreamworld and property prices were going up at around $1o,ooo a week believe it or not. In 2003 the property market started going crazy and I had to get in. I only had a small deposit and my job was not very good and so I really was stretched to the limit. I wanted to buy a house but this was impossible on the coast. I could only afford a unit or a villa in a complex, something that I did not want to get into but as I say it was my only chance to get onto the property ladder. My strategy was to buy anything that came up. As soon as I saw something I could afford I went and looked at it, but usually by the time I had arrived there had been an offer made and accepted. People were paying too much money just to buy a place and so the result was that the property prices just started to soar.

I can’t remember where I was, I think I had gone to Sydney for a few days when the real-estate called to tell me that a villa and a townhouse were available and did I want to look at them before anyone else. How could I, I was in Sydney and they would both have been gone before I returned. Luckily my sister Margaret and husband Mike went to have a look at the properties and told me what they were like. I opted for the smaller of the two properties for two reasons, one the location and the fact that it was cheaper. I bought the villa unseen, although I had seen the pictures on the net and it looked quite nice.

I moved in shortly afterwards and so I was finally in my own house, although I was in a complex which I did not like. I was in the gable end at the end of the cul de sac so it was quite quiet. I was surrounded by older people to so I felt comfortable when I wasn’t there. Ivor and Shirley were my next door neighbours. They were an older couple. Ivor is from London and Shirley from Tasmania and they have been married for so many years and I know they have told me but I cannot remember. Ivor has been in Australia for a long time, from the70’s I think but you wouldn’t know it as his cockney accent is still thick and strong. I was quite chuffed to have a fellow Brit living next door; at least he could understand me without any trouble, not like many of the Australians I encountered in daily life. You now at the time I would ask my girlfriend to order coffee or food because it was easier. The number of times I would get the blank look from a local when ordering anything was ridiculous and very frustrating. So anyway having Ivor next door was good because he had also trained Shirley and she could understand me too. But then again she is from Tasmania, they’re not really Australian and they have more educated convict blood to guide them.

Ivor is a big West Ham supporter and I would often give him the scores on a Sunday or invite him to see the results on the internet. He would say that he was too old to have a computer and it was all too difficult, but eventually I persuaded him to get one and then there was no stopping him. I set it up with easy links to al the favourite sites, the BBC, West Ham and really anything else that he wanted. I gave him a crash course in computing and what to do and what not to do and if in doubt just say no and then come and ask me.

It wasn’t long before he got the computing bug and he upgraded the old one for a new one. I think he went to Harvey Normans and spent large. He was soon talking to his brother on Skype in Spain and getting in touch with so many other things in life. I remember he found a website for the Brebner family tree and got in touch with other family members. Before long his computer was better than mine.

In 2004 my mother died and I returned to the UK. My house was up for sale because I had enough of living on the Goldcoast. I wanted away from the villa and the complex and I wanted a house. On the day of the funeral I was sitting up in the front of course with my sisters, Catherine and Margaret. Frank Sinatra was singing “I did it my Way” and I had a smile on my face. When Mum disappeared through the curtains we all headed outside the chapel and I saw this British Gas Van and I was thinking that maybe there was no gas, Mum would have seen the funny side of that. My phone rang and it was Linda calling me from Australia, she said that there had been an offer put in on the house and did I want to accept? When she told me the offer I immediately said yes. To this day I know my Mother had something to do with that.

I returned to Australia and continued to stay in my home because I asked if I could rent it for 6 months till I found a new place to live in. The new owners were happy with that and they got their pound of flesh from me with the hike in rent. I was paying way more than anyone else in the street.

In the May of that year I found my new home in Ipswich which is about an hour away from the Goldcoast. I moved out here before changing jobs and I used to travel 200 kms a day for quite a number of weeks until I found a new job. I also think that my mother had something to do with me finding my current home. On the outside it is green and white, which of course as we all know are good catholic colours. In the inside it was different shades of blue, which we know are good Protestant colours and to top it off, my home was built on the site of an old church. I thought this was quite hilarious and I think my sister Margaret, who is the ultra religious member of the family, is a bit jealous that I may be closer to god than she is. I am a heathen after all. I think my twisted sense of humour comes from my Mother.

So I move to Ipswich in the winter and it was fucking freezing, a lot cooler than the coast. I had no heating and I barely had enough money for food never mind heating. I was stretched to limit but I was happy to be off the coast. Ivor and Shirley would be the first friends that I made on the coast and I have always kept in touch with them throughout the years. Whenever I could I would catch up with them and always enjoyed their company. Although they both have a few years on me, they are not old. They are not your average retired couple, their minds are still fresh and it’s only their bodies that are giving them grief.

So this brings me to a sad part of this tale. I got a message from Shirley a few weeks ago asking me when I would be returning to Australia? I said that I will return on the 17^th of June which just happens to be 29 years to the day that I immigrated to Australia. She said “Ivor’s sick, very sick and might not be here by then” I asked what was wrong.

Over the years Ivor has been plagued with irritating medical conditions and he has always managed to pull through. Before I left for my big trip I caught up with them both and had a good afternoon. Ivor seemed to be doing ok and was his usual jovial self, but he was always complaining about something But this time he has cancer and I’m not exactly sure where or what, but it’s terminal and he has decided not to have Chemo or any other drugs that will possibly prolong his life a little but reduce the quality of his life dramatically. I think this is a very brave decision by him and his family are being supportive. I spoke to him shortly after getting the message and he sounded not too bad, just the usual Ivor. He was very practical about it and is facing death by looking at it in the face. He is confronting his destiny and I think that is very commendable and I’m not so sure that I would react in the same way. I spoke to him 2 days ago and he sounded a lot weaker. I told him he has to stay around for another two weeks until I get back to Australia. I unfortunately cannot get back any quicker. He is a stubborn old bugger so I hope he does the right thing.

Ivor and Shirley have been together for a lifetime and they have shared many stories with me over the years and I am very happy that I decided to buy the villa in that complex. Without that I would never had gotten to know such a lovely couple that would give you their last penny if you were in need.

His family won’t have to worry about the funeral costs because they have already taken care of all that. They didn’t want to burden the family even after they had left this planet and moved on.

So Ivor as you are reading this, make sure you put the kettle on for me on Sunday the 18th June as I will be down to see you. If you are lucky I might even go to the bakers and buy some cake 🙂

Written on 23rd of July 2015

On this particular day in July which was a Saturday in 1960 and also the year of the rat, this fine gentleman was born. He was not planned as he was to discover later in life. But he was told he was a brilliant mistake. At this point I should say that there was no residual scarring from this revelation as far as he is aware.

He made it through school even although he got knocked down by a car on the way there one morning. He even survived a close shave when a friend called George, who was walking along side, got shot in the face while walking home from school, yes shot……..

The Cochrane House hotel was the centre of that universe and it was his favourite drinking hole. His first pint was had at the age of 15 and he was on the pool team by 17.

The only tangible piece of evidence he has from then is the pint glass he stole from there 30 years ago

Several drunken years where consuming over a gallon of beer in a single night was common practice and then having the cheek to go to work the next morn to drive his trusty Volvo double Decker.

That bus could do 70 mph fully loaded. Best job ever for fun and enjoyment. Doing a 360 degree handbrake turn in the double Decker was magic. Even better than the Ice Cream van where he sold some very interesting items.

He grew up in a time where there was no surveillance, where you could get away with lots of mischief and where freedom really meant freedom.

He had then an interesting eclectic mix of friends then and still does.

Some were on the good and some on the bad. He walked a tightrope at times between these two worlds but thankfully never fell too far or got caught up.

He had a sea change at 28 when he left for Australia. He still lives there after 25 years and is now looking for another path to stroll, so he is now in China for a while……

He gets bored easily and I sometimes worry about him but usually in hindsight there is no need.

He is ?