As usual I go to Central Park after breakfast and I usually do a few laps of the the park to warm up the body and muscles before I do any exercise, get the old heart working a little. The park is really very large and there are always people here walking around, there are the gardeners, the cleaners, dog walkers, Tai Chi masters and some people that wear all the correct sports clothing but don’t actually do anything………..I’ll come back to that.

So this morning I am walking on the south side of the park where there is a car park and it backs onto the main path of the park separated only by a few shrubs, well did I get a surprise when I saw a big white arse in amongst the foliage this morn and he was in full squat mode and dumping the contents of last nights dinner in between the Ligustrum ovalifolium. I had no phone with me this morning and so I could catch this lunar eclipse in all its glory to share with you today. I wonder if he even realised just what kind of show he was giving to all and sundry…………….You’re never short of entertainment in China.

So let’s go back to the guy with all the right gear that struts his stuff. He will enter the park at the entrance near to where myself and the other older guys exercise in the morn, he has on a shirt with a sport’s logo, knee compression pads covering his leggings, some expensive looking Nike trainers and so he looks like he is ready for a good long workout. He does his stretching and seems to know what he is doing, gets all the good positions and spends quite a bit of time getting ready, personally I think all this stretching is generally a bit of a wank, but hey what do I know. 

So after he has done his thing it’s time to crack on and do this running malarkey and he is off and just around the first bend there is a seat in the shade where he can pull over for a quick rest and pull out his Iphone to get all the latest international news according to China. I guess all this stretching is pretty hardcore. I pass him on my travels and he inspires me to complete one lap. I complete my lap and then shortly afterwards I see him running back to our area looking rather worse for wear, he continues and then I head off again, but this time I take a different path and find our man again tucked under another tree continuing to study the Iphone. 

About 40 mins after he first arrived at the park he returns to the starting point and once more begins to “cool down” by doing all those wonderful stretches, what an inspiration this guy is. There’s hardly any sweat on this guy, I wonder what he tells his wife or friends when he returns home because they must think he is so good to stay so cool after such a long time in the park.

The sun was out but it was a little cooler and so I decided to go for a wee walk in one of the local mountain ranges. It’s not very tall but it’s still a bit of a challenge as it’s close to midday.

I’ll have to come back here during the week one day because there were too many people walking around to really enjoy it. It’s about one hour on the bus but it’s easy to get to

So last night I thought I’d tell “Starman” that he was making the rice in the incorrect way by putting boiling water into the rice cooker, he quickly replied “you know nothing about Chinese cooking” and so I was shut down quick smart, however at the end of the day I know I’m right.

Ah the youth of today, I mean how could I know anything about China and its cooking, I’m a foreigner afterall. Tanks for the memories, I wonder if he knows about his countries use of battlefield equipment to quell a demonstration?

I’m not sure where the time has gone for the last week but I know it’s been bloody hot. Today however the temp has fallen a little and the there is a breeze and so it’s a little more comfortable. The cicadas and the birds are keeping me company this morning; it’s very quiet today although I can hear the occasional bit of traffic noise.

The two house guests have left for the day, the young boy “Star” is a bit of a nuisance but mostly harmless, although he is certainly lacking commonsense. One thing he does which drives me nuts and it shouldn’t really, is the boiling of the kettle. If you don’t switch the kettle off manually it will just sit there and bubble for about a minute or more and so I have told him before just to switch it off because it will work sometimes and on another occasion it will just sit. Yesterday I could hear the kettle sitting there trying to get to 100c but was only at 99c and so the poor thing was struggling and burbling away, I came through and switched it off. Meanwhile he is just standing there staring at it and waiting for it to climax……..he says to me “don’t worry it’s ok” I said “what do you mean don’t worry?”  He says “It’s no problem it always does this but it will eventually switch off” Me “ I’m not fucking worried I’m concerned about the amount of electricity you waste each time you sit and watch the kettle struggling to climax” Yes I am Scottish

What a dickhead………..after the kettle has boiled he then uses it to make rice in the rice cooker, you don’t need to put fucking hot water into the rice cooker to allow it to make rice, if anything it upsets the process to make good rice and you know each time he makes rice he must waste about 10% to 15% because it’s always stuck to the arse of the pan……….no commonsense.

When I came home last night he was sitting as usual watching his computer, but it’s not a movie or TV he watches but computer games……and he is not the only one I’ve witnessed doing this. I cannot understand why you would want to watch others play computer games for hours and hours, surely there must be more to life, I think watching the kettle boil is more exciting……….maybe that’s why he does it.

Jane is the other guest; she is also Chinese but has lived in America for a few years and is back here for business, I like her, she is quite a character. She speaks in a very deadpan way and when she first arrived I wasn’t too sure of what to make of her. She has tattoos on her neck which seem to be just coloured squares, I have no idea what they are but I will have to ask her before she leaves.

She will talk about anything and everything and often compares her life in America to here. She lives in the country and so she is finding it difficult to be back in this city. She drinks beer and stays out late, such a contrast to the innocent and naive Star man.

So today I have a bit of work to prepare and a few things to write and as long as the breeze continues to blow then I won’t have to use the air-conditioning which I hate.

The subway was busy today and I was lucky to get a seat. I was in the middle of the row but I always try to get an end seat if I can.

So after a few stations there is one seat to my left which must happens to be the end seat but I’m not quick enough and the young girl sits down and her boyfriend stands at her side. They are both on their phones and not communicating and so when a seat becomes available on my right the young guy asks me to move so that he could sit next to his girlfriend that he is not talking to anyway. Guess what my answer was…. Yes that’s right, no sorry I’m staying put. I had 3 stations to go and me and my sweaty arse were quite fine where we were. The look on his face was priceless. Ach well this will give them something to talk about later.

So now I have one either side of me and they are messaging each other about me using Wechat, ah it was really funny and cheered me up no end, mind you I wasn’t feeling upset before but it gave me a snigger.

What a surprise when I saw these today, last time I came across these I was in Roslyn Chapel.

Haggis the chieftain oh the puddin’ race.
Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o’ the pudding-race!
Aboon them a’ yet tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o’a grace
As lang’s my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin was help to mend a mill
In time o’need,
While thro’ your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An’ cut you up wi’ ready sleight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like ony ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin’, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an’ strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a’ their weel-swall’d kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
Bethankit! hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad make her spew
Wi’ perfect sconner,
Looks down wi’ sneering, scornfu’ view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckles as wither’d rash,
His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash;
His nieve a nit;
Thro’ blody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread.
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He’ll mak it whissle;
An’ legs an’ arms, an’ hands will sned,
Like taps o’ trissle.

Ye Pow’rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o’ fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu’ prayer
Gie her a haggis

So finally the “Smelly shoe” guy has left and I can breathe a sigh of relief, but he has been replaced by another young guy who I may say is civilised but he is also rather annoying. Mind you anyone that comes here at the moment is annoying because they are upsetting my peaceful lifestyle.

He is here for a month, he works in IT at the local bank. For the first few days he used my toothpaste, I mean how fucking invasive and rude is that? Because the house had a few guests I let him use the second bathroom which is only for myself and Sissi, but she is on holiday and is not here. So because the house had a few guests I said “sure you can use it but don’t make a fucking mess”.

Many Chinese people will take a shower wearing plastic shoes and then for some reason come out the shower and trail the water all through the place, I just don’t understand this at all, but even the most civilised of Chinese people will do this. I on the other hand like to come out the shower and stand on the mat or towel and dry my feet, and I’m sure many of you are familiar with this process and so I made it abundantly clear that this is the process and do not make a mess. The first day I go in for a shower there are two dirty shoe prints on the towel, what the fuck!!!!! Can you really be that stupid?

The second habit of many Chinese is even more disgusting and that is putting the toilet paper into a bin rather than flush it down the toilet with the rest of the waste. Now I know why this is done……….many old houses just did not have the correct size of pipes to allow all the waste to go down and so they would not flush the paper………..this is a modern house. Now  “Smelly shoe” guy did this but I didn’t care because it was in the other bathroom and not my problem. I removed the bin from my bathroom to make sure that no one would be tempted to do this if I was not around. You know the Chinese are very clever but some habits just baffle me.

So the new guy is called “Star”, he seems to be comfortable with it but it reminds me of someone that gets a tattoo which they think means wonderful warrior and it really says couch potato. he wants to practice is English for free and I’m not in the mood to be so sociable all the time. I’m watching TV or reading a book and he wants to chat and as many of you know I’m just a miserable bastard sometimes and I have no inclination to be sociable.

Short of saying “Fuck off” my Paddington Bear stare seems to be working OK.

I have classes in the evening and Suzhou is a bit hot at the moment and so you need to use the air conditioning but when I got back the other night I felt that I was walking into a fridge. I looked at the aircon and it was set to 16C, I said “What the fuck!!” and proceeded to up it to 26C,………………….how fuckin stupid are some folk. I’m not paying for it and so I will crank it up and to make matters worse the large expanse of windows that we have in this apartment has curtains but they were not closed and so I’m sure most of the heat just came through the glass and contributed to global warming.

After a brief lesson and a run down of the house rules I left them to their devices and pissed off to my room because yet again another annoying habit was being played out, playing a computer game and not having headphones in and so we can all experience the wonders of battle.

Actually the other day in the bus I told the guy behind me to turn his music down, I just used my native tongue, no need for trying to be a smart arse and using Chinese, he got the message and turned down the volume. Again I say ” why do they think that this is acceptable?” I’m sure it was annoying other folk in the bus too. Some days this country drives me fuckin nuts…………………..

Last Sunday morning we all met at Lindun Lu station, it was hot and sticky and the humidity was very high………just standing there made you break into a sweat but the weather didn’t deter today’s group. There were familiar faces and of course when you go to an Album of Suzhou event you will always meet someone new.

Our first port of call was the Zhuangyuan Museum which is just a short walk from Lindun Lu, I’ve passed this beautiful building many times and I have been meaning to stick my head in here to see what it was all about and today I got the chance

We were met by Viola, who looks after the museum and she was kind enough to be our guide for our visit and this was very lucky for us, she is fluent in English and so the many foreigners that came were very privileged and lucky to have such a guide this morning.
It’s a fascinating little museum and I will return here again to have a second look. This wonderful small museum really explains the journey that the scholars took and the difficulties faced, it even show’s examples of some of the more enterprising scholars that created cheat books to help them on their travels through this mental obstacle course. But apart from all of that the building itself is stunning and the architecture and the design is compact and elegant. The many subtleties around the building were pointed out by Viola and this for me is what I enjoyed the most.
We were also allowed to try on some traditional clothing and try to see what we would look like if we were lucky enough to be chosen to be scholars, although in this hot Suzhou weather they were not the most comfortable clothes to wear, but ideal for winter I would say.

We left here and then after a short stroll through the back streets around Pingjiang Lu we made our way to the China Kunqu Museum. I had been here before with a friend and I was lucky enough to actually see a performance, but today we were given a tour of the museum and again we were lucky to have a young guide that could explain to us in English.

There were so many details that I was completely unaware of, but again for me it is the architecture that I find the most interesting.

Today’s walk with the Album of Suzhou team was a short 3 hours and to be honest on such a hot day it was perfectly timed. My friend Lydia and I went off to have lunch before we returned to the beginning of our tour, and back to the Zhuangyuan Museum, but this time we popped into the small cafe and gift shop adjacent to the entrance where we had one of the best cups of black coffee you will have in Suzhou and if you are a lover of coffee, don’t waste your time going to Starbucks, come here and experience a wonderfully smooth cup of coffee and relax after your visit to the museum.

The journey by train from Suzhou to Xuzhou took about 2 ½ hours but unfortunately it was marred by the amount of children around me. They were kicking the seats and screaming and the parents were too busy playing on their mobile phones to be interested in any form of discipline and so I was anxious to get off the train and I was really hoping that travelling all this way under such conditions would be worth it and too be honest, I was not disappointed.

I met the rest of the group just outside the train station standing in the shade hiding from the blistering sun. Xuzhou was extremely hot but a little drier than Suzhou. As we crossed over to the bus under the sun drenched sky I decided that the factor 50 SPF would be getting used here. Once we got loaded into the bus and then given some refreshing cool water we were whisked off to our first destination which was Turtle Mountain. 30 minutes later we arrived and it seemed like we were all preparing for battle before we got off the bus, only it was cameras at the ready. Everybody was preparing their technology and polishing lenses and pairing their Bluetooth devices, we were getting ready for everything and anything.

We disembarked and immediately stepped forward to get a good vantage point to take in the commanding view of the Guishan Han Tomb that stood before us. We jostled for position but the sun was winning and so we headed inside to the comfort of air-conditioning.

The tour guide’s explanation was lost on me, however there are many English translations around so that someone like myself will not miss out on the finer details of this wonderful place and of course Ning was able to explain to me and translate for me if need be. I love going to these places and the workmanship and specifications of this place are astounding. The level of accuracy that the builders achieved is amazing and of course this was done over 2000 years ago when there were no fancy technical gadgets around to help them, or maybe there was and we just don’t know.

We explored the tomb, which is in fact is a complete underground palace and on a hot day it was the perfect place to be, it reminded me of the underground hotel I once stayed in at Coober Pedy in South Australia where the temperature can get up to 50c. Unfortunately we had to leave the comfort of this wonderful place and we headed through the lovely manicured gardens towards to the museum where we were able to see what it was like to live at that time. Even here there were plenty of English translations which of course are so important for me to help me know and to understand. And may I say that I always like to look for Chinglish when I travel and I was rather disappointed not to find any.

Of all the exhibits on show here, and there are many, I loved the cheating books. The Chinese are famous for being able to write on a grain of rice but these books were just incredible and also hanging on the wall was a silk sheet which was covered in writing so small that there is even a magnifying glass there so that you can see the writing. What dexterity and patience they must have had to create such a masterpiece even although it was going to be used for dastardly deeds. A little further on there was 4 scrolls opened and hung up on the wall, each were about 3 m long and they were covered in writing. These were the exam papers and it took the students 3 days to complete each one.

After the museum we went through into a small garden, it was at this point I decided to have ice cream and I lost the group but I needed my ice cream. The garden design is very different from what I’m used to seeing in Suzhou. Many of the gardens in Suzhou have hidden features and the paths twist and turn and they all look quite similar, but this garden was open and very proud and didn’t seem to have that sense of being too private like the Suzhou gardens. This garden was here to be enjoyed and to be seen and it felt more welcoming because everything was on show.

My favourite part of this garden was the table sculpture that looked like the last supper and all the characters were pigs, it was great.

By this stage I was hanging out for food, I was so hungry that I was prepared to eat anything. My ice cream had sustained me for a short time but now my stomach was telling me to find food and fast.

We pulled up outside a restaurant that seemed very busy, we couldn’t get parked. The name is 老磨坊(Lao Mo Fang) the door opens and the smells and the sights overwhelm the senses. As you enter you pass the kitchen on the left and there is food everywhere. The colours, the variety, the textures, the smells all contribute to making you ready to sit down and begin to savour what is on offer .We are led up to the second floor passing through this colourful stairwell up to our private room and it looked as if we were back in the tomb because of the earthen walls.

The table is exquisitely laid out and so the cameras are out and we all get a few snaps. We finally are able to sit down and soon the first dishes arrive, but we cannot begin to eat yet because the photographers are at the ready to capture the food in all its glory before we devour it. Some of the food does look too good to eat and it could be used as a piece of art, but we are all hungry. Dish after dish arrives and slowly the table is spun and we can begin. The once beautiful plates of food are no more than a distant memory, only traces of what was there a few moments earlier, but the food just kept coming, dish after dish of delicious perfectly presented food that tasted as good if not better than it looked. It was great.

I felt fat and I was ready for a snooze and so we headed for the Hanzhong Fuxi International Hotel, which is diagonally opposite a shopping centre with many international brands. Check in was easy and then I went to my room. The room was large and comfortable and the air-con cool and so I was ready to sleep.

It’s been a great day and the memories of my train journey were long forgotten.

Day 2

Up early and back on the bus so that we could go to Fu Yang Festival in Pengyuan Park where they also worship Peng Zu (Ancestor Peng or Peng Keng), a legendary long-lived figure known as the founder of the Chinese cookery tradition. When we arrived the place was buzzing with so many people and there were so many characters dressed up in traditional garb which must have been so hot to wear, I only had a light shirt on and I was melting. There were banks of photographers ready to record the festivities. I made my way up to the temple to find some shade, picked a spot. There were lines and lines of chefs all here to take part in the ceremony. There was an amazing performance by the Lion Dancers, absolutely perfect and so colourful too boot. Under the sun drenched sky they must have found it so difficult to perform but they never put a foot wrong.

It was noisy, it was colourful and it was a privilege to come and witness……………….

We strolled around the park and took some pictures before we headed for lunch and then we were off to the Ancient Town of Yaowan.

Lunch was another amazing experience, the room was large and the table filled the space and once more we were getting ready for a treat. Of course like the night before it was” cameras at the ready” and then let the banquet begin. I knew what to expect this time and so I was a little more patient but then the hunger pangs kick in, you have to just dive in. The food was delicious and there were so many different kinds of food on offer and once more I left the table feeling fat and content and ready for a snooze.

It took about 2 hours to get to the old town. We arrived at 3pm and went to explore. I really enjoy going to these old places and I ended up as usual falling behind the group, but it allowed me to explore at my own pace. Pl

The giant abacus was great, the old temple and the long narrow streets. You walk through a small entrance and you are in another courtyard where at first I thought they were making alcohol but alas it turned out to be Soy sauce I think, but the smell was great. The town was not so busy and we able to wander around for a few hours before we headed to our hotel which was on the edge of the old town, we could have walked but we jumped back on the bus for the short ride to a wonderful small hotel for the evening.

The hotel was really nice, inside the court yard the gardens were being renovated and they were already looking good. The room was very comfortable and I slept well.

Day 3

Up early and down for the simple breakfast, which was delicious, and then just after 8am we got back on the bus and began our journey back to Xuzhou.

We were now going to the Lion Mountain Chu Wang Mausoleum where when opened it they discovered many small terracotta figures. I only thought that Xi’an could boast of having terracotta figures but here was the miniature version. I loved it and again the adjacent museum is tastefully set out, giving plenty of descriptions in English and the exhibits were wonderful. The displays really give you and incite to that moment in time. I loved the detail on the small figures. I particularly liked these smiling horses

I could have stayed for longer than I was able too, but we had to move on and walked through to other areas to see the other finds which consisted of many stone carvings in relief and one of the few carvings depicting a marriage ceremony. I loved this.place.

We finished off our tour here by visiting the Shizishan Chu Prince Mausoleum; it wasn’t as big as the underground palace that we had seen the other day but nevertheless is was still very impressive. I loved the entrance, it was brightly coloured and I was not sure if I was going into a nightclub, but either way it was going to be exciting. Once more it’s really very difficult to imagine how this place could be constructed so many years ago with only simple tools, but yet here it is and it’s another masterpiece, I particularly liked the sarcophagus that were in situ and then inside a glass case we got to see the amazing Jade burial suit that was made from hundreds of tiny pieces of jade all sown together. It’s a fascinating place and it was a great way to end our trip to one of China’s major Cultural sites. We had a lot of time here but there are so many interesting exhibits and before you know it, once again it was time to savour the wonderful food of Xuzhou.

Xuzhou cuisine is very good and my good friend Julie has told me this for many years and I’m so happy that I have been able to come here and experience not just the wonderful food but the hospitality of Xuzhou. We have been treated to some wonderful experiences here and to finish off our wonderful trip we were treated to another food extravaganza. I particularly liked the pictures on the wall of our private room in the restaurant, old pictures of Shanghai and glamorous looking women. The old typewriter and desk was a lovely touch and up at the back under the magnificent picture of Shanghai was a big leather Chesterfield settee to relax on.

The food once again was magnificent and after the obligatory photo shoot we got to sample some of the best food in China, I even tried Cicada and they were so good I went back for more. I think this must be some of the best food I’ve ever had in China and it has so much more flavour than what I’m used to in Suzhou.

My short trip to Xuzhou was coming to an end and I was not really looking forward to the train journey back home as I still had the memories of my trip here. But you know it was worth the pain and suffering of the train journey. I was given a glimpse of what Xuzhou has to offer in the way of history, its culture and its food and this made it all worth it. The Tongcheng travel company had made sure that all our needs were catered for, they looked after everyone, organised everything, fed us till we were fat and then were kind enough to give us a wonderful bed in the evening. I cannot thank them enough for giving me a marvellous introduction to Xuzhou and I will be back for sure. And if you are thinking of planning a trip then I suggest you give them a call because they will look after you very well, I felt like an Emperor and they will allow you to enjoy your holiday at a good pace Thanks again to everyone at Tongcheng who made this possible, I look forward to seeing you again soon.

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I cycled back from the shops last night under the blood red moon which was too difficult to see due to some of the wonderful light pollution in Suzhou.