Well it’s been a bit of an arty farty adventure so far in Taipei. I was on my way to Taipei 101 and when I got off the bus I saw that there was an art exhibition and so I decided to come in here rather than go up the tower. The sun is not oot and there is cloud about and so I think it would be a waste of money to go to there today and so I’ll leave it until next time because I will be back. And so here is a few pictures to enjoy…..
I went here this morning after a terrible night’s sleep. The road noise was terrible and when next door took a shower I thought the water was about to come through the wall. I feel like a bit of a zombie today as I begin to explore Taipei.
I asked the front desk if I could change my room and they said OK so I’ll hopefully get a better sleep tonight.
But the museum was a great place to go to ease into the day and cheap, 30 TWD.
I spent a couple of hours in here and really enjoyed some of the exhibits. The mechanical birds were great. They were talking about the end of the world I think and how we humans are just one big pain in the arse when you really think about it.
The first thing that struck we when I boarded the plane to Taiwan is that the plane is quiet, the passengers board in an orderly manner and it’s just more civilised in every way. Very different from boarding a Chinese flight 😎.
I’m enroute as I write, on board WiFi is a wonderful thing and it’s free. I’m leaving the Great Firewall behind and I’m going to be able to access the free world when I land in Taiwan. Yesterday in my English lesson we learned the word island and so I asked the class could the name any Chinese islands and they all shouted Taiwan, followed by some laughter. What ever did they mean?
It’s only two hours from Shanghai but apparently it’s different in many ways just as it is in Hong Kong. So I’m looking forward to getting on the ground and exploring Taipei. I won’t be going too far on this trip but if I like it then I’ll have a longer stay in July. I’m only here for the weekend but I think it’s still enough time to get a feel for the place.
How I ended up in China when there is one thing in particular that really wants to give me the boak and that is the noises that are made when people are eating. Years ago I would never sit at the table in the house with the family whilst dinner was served because of the noise the old man made flapping his wallies around, this made me want to boak and maybe also smack him in the face, but that’s a different story. I deliberately stayed away from the table at every opportunity so that I did not have to endure that awful noise. I was told that I could not say anything to him and I’m not sure the real reason. Would he be upset or offended, a small price to pay I thought for my sanity. No one else enjoyed the noise he made either but they were able to tolerate it better than me. And so I began to sit away from the table or I would just come in late to avoid the drama. Christmas dinner was the only time that I was unable to escape the torture but then the alcohol seemed to numb the pain.
And so to the present day. I always have headphones with me and I usually have them in when I am eating out so that I can block out the rest of the noises in the restaurant and as I have mentioned before the blood has been pouring from my ears on many occasions just so that I could not hear the imbibing of soup or the other wonderful noises made whilst the meal is being devoured. Sissi’s mother is staying with us at the moment and she is a lovely lady but she is also a very traditional Chinese person that consumes her food with gusto and vigour and completely unaware of the noise pollution that she is creating in the process. there is absolutely nothing that is consumed that does not have a decibel rating close to driving me fucking mad.
In the morning I like to have breakfast in a quiet environment and ease into the day rather than be thrown into it. I like my brain to wake up in its own time and to listen to the birds singing and to feel and sense that satisfying crunch of my toast in my head. Now that the weather is warmer I can once again go outside and sit on the balcony and have breakfast but during the winter months this was not an option and so I was thrust into this chaotic sensory place where once again I had to dig out my head phones and listen to what was happening with Teresa May and Brexit. Not the best way to start the day.
And so as I said at the beginning I realy wonder what part of my brain decided that it would be a good idea to come to China when deep down it knew that this was waiting for me, sometimes it feels that I have ended up in purgatory but then as soon as I crank the headphones up to 11 all is well. Going deaf might be a small price to pay in the big scheme of things.
I had to cross the grand canal yesterday and I do like to stop for a few minutes and watch these big barges cruise on by.
I saw this baldy bloke this morning in the park and he was using a comb on his nut as if he had long flowing locks. One circuit is one kilometre and he was doing it for most of the way round and then he seemed to “pick the hairs from the comb” before continuing. Maybe he is just a crazy old bugger…….or am I missing something?
The sun was out and it’s also a long weekend because of the Chinese Qingming Festival, which is tomb sweeping day here in China. The Asian cultures seem to know how to deal with death compared to us in the west, well the UK at least. I always feel that we mourn the dead is somehow flawed. My mother died 15 years ago and when she did I planted a tree in her memory and would often talk to her and yes I miss here but I don’t feel the need to publicise this on social media, and in fact I would never do so because I am a very private individual and I also have no need. I will often recant the words of wisdom that my Mother gave me over the years, such as ” She would rather have her dog than kids because they are less trouble” I have taken her advice and feel all the better for it.
Anyway I digress, so this weekend in Suzhou has been very busy. Everywhere you go there are thousands of people and the traffic has been horrendous but if you take a turn off the beaten track and go to part of town that is not on the tourist trail then you can escape the crowds and this is what I did. Yesterday I went to Dongshan which was very quiet compared to what I expected. When I went here a few weeks ago it was raining and it was absolutely miserable but today the sky was blue and the weather was perfect, maybe 28C.
I bought the obligatory Baozi, which are small buns and the ones I got today were pork buns. I also got some very large “Ugly Oranges” 丑橘 Chǒu jú which are very tasty at the moment. A bottle of water and then I was set to climb the mountain. As usual I head along the bank of the canal and then through Dongshan village and there are no people anywhere, it’s just great. I maybe pass 3 or 4 people by the time I arrive at the foot of the tea plantation. From here the concrete path begins to get steeper until we finally reach the stone and gravel path. By this time the gradient is becoming quite steep. I’m heading for the 24 steps which are a series of flights of steps that zig zag up the hillside to another road. Before I reach there I hear a lot of voices shouting. When I reach the bottom of the stairs I see that there are maybe 40 Chinese in front of me at different stages of accent. Everyone is decked out in the latest climbing gear; it’s like an advert for some hiking store. I walk up to about the half way mark and pass several of them on the way. They stare at the old foreigner and are frankly surprised when I power on passed. I stop about a third of the way up for a quick breather and some water. Two girls come up to me doing some sign language rather than ask me “can we have our picture taken with you” I say to them in Chinese “you want to take a picture with me?” and they are so surprised.
After this I push on and stop only briefly a few flights from the top and after a minute I head to the top. There are about 20 people sitting here and they are all looking rather shagged out. I stop for a few mins before I continue up the next very steep part of the trail. I want to get away from them as soon as possible, too much noise and too many questions. At the top of the hill you come to a T junction. I normally go left and head further up the hill and over to the village on the other side but me thinks that today every man and their dog will be there and I do not want that and so I turn right. I have walked this road once before and I remember it being really really hot but today it’s a lot more pleasant. It’s maybe about 5kms back to the town centre from here and it’s up hill and down dale all the way as the road follows the contours of Dongshan. The road follows the spine of the mountain and so you are rewarded with glimpses of Taihu Lake on one side and Dongshan town on the other. The road seems to be popular with many bikers. I haven’t seen so many road bikes in a long time. There are Ducati’s, Gullwings and other bikes that are large but I have no idea what they were. I must admit it would make a great rally stage and I hope one day I can get a chance to drive it. The road is challenging because it has many very tight hairpins and they are also steep. It’s also giving my thighs and calf muscles a good work out as I negotiate them too. I’m surprised to meet a few folk along the way.
I stop at a small Pagoda that overlooks Taihu and I stop to eat lunch and refuel while listening to “Wish You Were Here” Feeling refreshed I head off on the last leg of the journey. After a few more climbs I finally begin my descent which I find sometimes find more difficult than the climb. It’s nice to have gravity on your side but sometime my knees ain’t so happy about that. As I reach the bottom of the hill I wander through the back streets of Dongshan and the place is deserted, it’s great. I get back to the bus station and I only have to wait 5 mins and then bus is ready to depart but it does take around nearly two hours to get home and when I make it home I collapse into the chair and I’m ready for bed. My body is beginning to complain about the workout it has today and I’m not looking forward to the morning.
As you know I go to the park every morning and I have been doing this for nearly a year now. When I go away from Suzhou I really miss doing this morning routine. I often see the same faces everyday and sometimes a new face will appear on the horizon and as we pass each other we check each other out. When this happened during the winter months many would be surprised because I was only wearing shorts and a shirt and they were shocked to see a crazy old man showing off his knees when there was snow on the ground.
There are the usual old men at the sand pit where all the action takes place, push ups, pull ups and plenty of stretching, but now we have a new face trying to grab the attention of the locals. I call him Oddjob, if you don’t know him then do a Google. I wish I could get a video to show you the kind of antics that this clown gets up to in the morning. He attacks trees, fresh air and sometimes he comes real close to us and he will actually attack the equipment. He attacks defenceless leaves and tries to use both arms and legs to all this but because he is bit of a fat bastard he often trips and nearly falls over. I usually watch out of the corner of my eye and so do the other guys because they are just as mystified as me and dying to laugh.
He wears a black suit with a white shirt and a black tie, but at the moment he also wears a long black trench coat just to complete the image, oh and he carries a black brief case. He walks around as if he owns the very ground that he walks on, every step is deliberate and calculated. His head is held high, his chest is out as he surveys the land. The Emperor approaches the stone bench and carefully puts down his bag and then he usually takes off his long coat and carefully folds it and places it neatly on top of the brief case and then he begins his routine. He does a few Tai Chi come Kung fu moves with eyes shut. Lots of long slow deliberate movements which make him look like some actor from a B movie. He slaps the tree behind him with open palms and then he attacks a low lying branch. He then struts around to the far side of the sand pit and tries a few kicks. He stealthily moves into attack the climbing frame, it has no idea that he is coming and has no time to prepare to be bitch slapped. It takes the blow without a cry and he moves onto the next frame knowing that he is the dominant one. All the while his gait is sure and steady and every movement calculated and deliberate but just then he fucks up and he will quickly look around to see if anyone is watching.
It is great entertainment, but I think he is a fucking nutter and by the look of his attire he is no more than a chauffeur. Nothing wrong in being a chauffeur, I have done this kind of job before, only my ride was a Double Decker bus that could carry up to 80 people. But his own importance precedes him as he strolls through our world in the morning and I think it’s always good to have a bit of comic relief every day, long may it continue I say…………………..
I went to a car show in Suzhou today but it was more of a show where you can see what is on offer if you want to modify your car and make it handle better or become a bit of a street machine. It wasn’t really a custom car show and so it was a bit boring after a while.
There were plenty of young ladies draped over the cars but some of them looked like very sad slave girls. There was fear in the eyes of some and others seemed to be enjoying the attention they were getting. There were many cameras and big lenses on show. I think this kind of car modification is relatively new to China and I’m sure that there will be a huge market for it, although the price of cars are quite high here and I’m sure that some of these foreign companies on show today won’t be cheap.
Exhaust Porn
There were a few tall skinny white girls there to give the bloke’s something different. They were all Eastern European and there was one in particular, that was supposed to be a DJ, and she had on a skimpy leotard that disappeared between her cheeks and to be honest it was not my cup of tea… Too much cellulite for my taste, but the Chinese guys loved it. The music didn’t seem to change from the time I walked in until I left and it was cranked up to Eleven. There will be some burst ear drums tonight.
