As you know I go to the park every morning and I have been doing this for nearly a year now. When I go away from Suzhou I really miss doing this morning routine. I often see the same faces everyday and sometimes a new face will appear on the horizon and as we pass each other we check each other out. When this happened during the winter months many would be surprised because I was only wearing shorts and a shirt and they were shocked to see a crazy old man showing off his knees when there was snow on the ground.

There are the usual old men at the sand pit where all the action takes place, push ups, pull ups and plenty of stretching, but now we have a new face trying to grab the attention of the locals. I call him Oddjob, if you don’t know him then do a Google. I wish I could get a video to show you the kind of antics that this clown gets up to in the morning. He attacks trees, fresh air and sometimes he comes real close to us and he will actually attack the equipment. He attacks defenceless leaves and tries to use both arms and legs to all this but because he is bit of a fat bastard he often trips and nearly falls over. I usually watch out of the corner of my eye and so do the other guys because they are just as mystified as me and dying to laugh.

He wears a black suit with a white shirt and a black tie, but at the moment he also wears a long black trench coat just to complete the image, oh and he carries a black brief case. He walks around as if he owns the very ground that he walks on, every step is deliberate and calculated. His head is held high, his chest is out as he surveys the land. The Emperor approaches the stone bench and carefully puts down his bag and then he usually takes off his long coat and carefully folds it and places it neatly on top of the brief case and then he begins his routine. He does a few Tai Chi come Kung fu moves with eyes shut. Lots of long slow deliberate movements which make him look like some actor from a B movie. He slaps the tree behind him with open palms and then he attacks a low lying branch. He then struts around to the far side of the sand pit and tries a few kicks. He stealthily moves into attack the climbing frame, it has no idea that he is coming and has no time to prepare to be bitch slapped. It takes the blow without a cry and he moves onto the next frame knowing that he is the dominant one. All the while his gait is sure and steady and every movement calculated and deliberate but just then he fucks up and he will quickly look around to see if anyone is watching.

It is great entertainment, but I think he is a fucking nutter and by the look of his attire he is no more than a chauffeur. Nothing wrong in being a chauffeur, I have done this kind of job before, only my ride was a Double Decker bus that could carry up to 80 people. But his own importance precedes him as he strolls through our world in the morning and I think it’s always good to have a bit of comic relief every day, long may it continue I say…………………..

I went to a car show in Suzhou today but it was more of a show where you can see what is on offer if you want to modify your car and make it handle better or become a bit of a street machine. It wasn’t really a custom car show and so it was a bit boring after a while.

There were plenty of young ladies draped over the cars but some of them looked like very sad slave girls. There was fear in the eyes of some and others seemed to be enjoying the attention they were getting. There were many cameras and big lenses on show. I think this kind of car modification is relatively new to China and I’m sure that there will be a huge market for it, although the price of cars are quite high here and I’m sure that some of these foreign companies on show today won’t be cheap.

Exhaust Porn

There were a few tall skinny white girls there to give the bloke’s something different. They were all Eastern European and there was one in particular, that was supposed to be a DJ, and she had on a skimpy leotard that disappeared between her cheeks and to be honest it was not my cup of tea… Too much cellulite for my taste, but the Chinese guys loved it. The music didn’t seem to change from the time I walked in until I left and it was cranked up to Eleven. There will be some burst ear drums tonight.

I’m very happy to be outside of the UK at this time, because if I had to live and breathe Brexit it I would go fucking mad. I am absolutely disgusted at the way things have panned out over the last two years.  For the first time in many years the government have actually had to make a decision and as it can be seen they do not have the capacity to do so. So much infighting and selfish behaviour have left the UK in such a weak position and we are also the laughing-stock of the world. Up until now we have had Trump to take most of the limelight but the UK has once more managed to come through and now sits at number one.

When the vote was first announced no MP thought that the British public would have voted the way they did and they have tried every conceivable method over the last two years to thwart the process. It was never the MP’s job to decide whether we left the EU because that had already been decided by the people. They had one simple task and that was to organise the withdrawal from the EU in an orderly manner, no more and no less and of course that means being able to negotiate as a government with the EU to get the best possible deal after we leave this club.

Last night I listened to radio 4 and heard one MP saying that even although her constituents had voted leave, she could not represent that decision because she feels that they have made a mistake. This is the tragedy of Brexit right here. The majority of MP’s do not want to leave the EU and so they have just fucked around for the last two years blaming the opposition and creating firestorms and I hate to say it , but Fake news.

I believe we should leave the EU; I have never been fan of it. I don’t like how they can control some decisions that are made in our country. Like Germany, our economy has to prop up other members of the community and we seem to get shafted in return. We never adopted the Euro because we never wanted to stay from the beginning and we have always had reservations. Now I know that if you want to travel to the EU you might have to get a visa, big deal it’s what you have to do in many situations. So many things will happen after we leave, the grass will change colour and the cows will produce sour milk and pigs won’t fly. The UK will be doomed and we will never be the same again, however I think that this is a great opportunity for us to grow in the direction that we choose. It’s just like leaving home: the first few months will be difficult until you buy all the bits you need, like a new kettle, a cup, tea bags, sugar, a bed, you know all the things that get you back to what you consider a normal life. But just think you will then be able to stay up late because you make the house rules, not some clown in a far off land that doesn’t like you anyway. You can talk to whoever you want and go to any supermarket and not have someone tell you that you can’t go there. Freedom is always scary but it’s worth the effort in the long run. In two or three years the UK will be a better place and if the MP’s had done their jobs correctly the prospect of a thriving Britain would have been achieved in a shorter length of time.

MP’s get paid a shit load of money, they do not do their jobs properly, in any other business model they would have been replaced by folk that could do the job. But once you are in it seems that it is a job for life even if you get caught fiddling your expenses and stealing from the people of the UK you will keep your job. They leech from the people, the lose touch with the people and live in a fantasy land that is the Houses of Parliament.

So what happens now? Well Teresa May has decided to fall on her sword which I think is an admirable thing to do. I obviously don’t have all the facts and but I have heard many stories via BBC Radio 4 over the last two years to give me an  idea that at least she seems to be taking it seriously whilst others around just mock her instead of trying to help. To be the head of state, the head of a government that will not help but try to hinder every option placed in front of them is disgusting. Both sides of politics seem to be completely unworthy to be sat in such privileged positions and use public money to fund their lifestyles.

In China more than one person has said to me that, “Westerners are so lucky to have governments that are not corrupt, because we have a lot of corruption in China” I have to break it to them gently that the west is very corrupt, we just use more subtle methods to deliver the bribe. Since the start of the century the amount of money made by western democracies through unnecessary wars and the like is astronomical. America is a war machine and again I was disgusted when the UK or more so Tony Blair joined the fight even although the whole world knew it was wrong. A few people have benefited and many more have suffered due to greed. Brexit is no different. The top of the food chain might lose money here and the status quo will be upended and this is why Brexit is a mess. Sabotage by a few influential has left the country in this state and of course nothing will happen to them because that’s just the way life is, democracy in action…………..

Yesterday I left early to go to Shanghai with Amy and colleagues. Amy runs her own travel company and she was having a travel seminar and she had asked myself and a few other expats to come and talk about our experiences living in Suzhou. Many people come to Suzhou and go to the same places that are listed in the guide books and often miss out on other very good less popular attractions. There are many places to visit in Suzhou and it just depends on what you wish to do and because the transport is so good here it is easy to get from A to B. If you are game to engage with the available apps then you can become quite independent in your exploration and you will realise that there is no need for a guide unless you really want to get into the nitty-gritty of the history and culture.

I’ve lived here for over two years and I know this city very well and I’ve been fortunate to have been given many guided tours and so I have soaked up a lot of information along the way. Many years ago when I was travelling through Cambodia I decided to jump on a boat and head down the Mekong river to Vietnam and it was a great two-day trip. On board there were another 3 couples and two of them had the lonely planet guide-book and as we were travelling down the river they were avidly reading this book and seeing what they would do at the next stop, what restaurant served the best spring rolls and where to get the best latte. I’ve never been a guide-book person and unless there is a must see attraction I very rarely use them. I will do research before I leave and you always have Google as your friend when you travel just in case you can’t find anywhere. But I read somewhere many moons ago that this particular traveller did not use these guide books because if you turn up at one of the places listed then you will find every Tom Dick and Harriet has done the same and if it so happens that the writer of the guide-book did not like a particular place then they will often get no custom from the tourist. My rule of thumb when I travel is to eat where the locals eat and if I see any foreigners in a restaurant then I will give it a wide berth and so the guide book for me is mostly useless. Because I usually research my travels I have a fair idea of where I will go and what I will see and when I arrive I will ask the locals where they think is worth seeing. So yesterday myself and others were telling our stories about Suzhou from a personal point of view, what we thought was interesting and some places discussed you will not find in those pesky guide books.

It was a bit unfortunate that many people did not turn up to the event after Amy and here team went to such lengths to make it a very special day. The event was held in the Equatorial Hotel in Shanghai not far from the Jing’an park and temple. It’s a very posh hotel and we had a lovely lunch there before everything kicked off. There were also Kunqu Opera singers there and some arts and crafts and so it was a pity that only about half of the invited guests turned up. However I think everyone enjoyed the day and it was good to mingle and meet some new folk. There was one American girl there that was rather refreshing, she apologised for being American which was a very unusual opening statement. There was a girl from Iran and an Indian girl who had studied at Strathclyde University in Glasgow and so it was interesting chatting to her and of course she was quite fluent in Glaswegian.

We had driven to Shanghai and it had been an early start and so I was not long out of bed after I returned home. It was definitely Whacky Races on the way there and back, but we did arrive home in one piece.

I’ve passed this building many times and never really looked at it or knew what it was all about. It’s supposed to be a pair of boots. One boot is the Hilton Hotel and the other is the Suzhou Broadcasting Service, which is the local TV station. I came here to today to catch up with a couple of friends and also to meet a Suzhou celebrity that needs to have some English lessons. Melody is a host on many of the programs produced by SBS but as I do not watch local TV I’m none the wiser.

Maybe one day I might actually appear on TV, this could be my new career as a roving reporter for SBS in Suzhou or where ever the wish to send me. An interesting day indeed.

The girl to my right is the SBS host Melody…………..