As you know I go to the park every morning and I have been doing this for nearly a year now. When I go away from Suzhou I really miss doing this morning routine. I often see the same faces everyday and sometimes a new face will appear on the horizon and as we pass each other we check each other out. When this happened during the winter months many would be surprised because I was only wearing shorts and a shirt and they were shocked to see a crazy old man showing off his knees when there was snow on the ground.

There are the usual old men at the sand pit where all the action takes place, push ups, pull ups and plenty of stretching, but now we have a new face trying to grab the attention of the locals. I call him Oddjob, if you don’t know him then do a Google. I wish I could get a video to show you the kind of antics that this clown gets up to in the morning. He attacks trees, fresh air and sometimes he comes real close to us and he will actually attack the equipment. He attacks defenceless leaves and tries to use both arms and legs to all this but because he is bit of a fat bastard he often trips and nearly falls over. I usually watch out of the corner of my eye and so do the other guys because they are just as mystified as me and dying to laugh.

He wears a black suit with a white shirt and a black tie, but at the moment he also wears a long black trench coat just to complete the image, oh and he carries a black brief case. He walks around as if he owns the very ground that he walks on, every step is deliberate and calculated. His head is held high, his chest is out as he surveys the land. The Emperor approaches the stone bench and carefully puts down his bag and then he usually takes off his long coat and carefully folds it and places it neatly on top of the brief case and then he begins his routine. He does a few Tai Chi come Kung fu moves with eyes shut. Lots of long slow deliberate movements which make him look like some actor from a B movie. He slaps the tree behind him with open palms and then he attacks a low lying branch. He then struts around to the far side of the sand pit and tries a few kicks. He stealthily moves into attack the climbing frame, it has no idea that he is coming and has no time to prepare to be bitch slapped. It takes the blow without a cry and he moves onto the next frame knowing that he is the dominant one. All the while his gait is sure and steady and every movement calculated and deliberate but just then he fucks up and he will quickly look around to see if anyone is watching.

It is great entertainment, but I think he is a fucking nutter and by the look of his attire he is no more than a chauffeur. Nothing wrong in being a chauffeur, I have done this kind of job before, only my ride was a Double Decker bus that could carry up to 80 people. But his own importance precedes him as he strolls through our world in the morning and I think it’s always good to have a bit of comic relief every day, long may it continue I say…………………..