We hear a lot these days about Mental Health and I guess at some time or another you will succumb. As I reflect about my own life I can now see certain times where I certainly wasn’t the full quid, and I’m sure there are a few that would say I’m still not the full quid. However when I compare my mental health as of today, then it’s way healthier than this time last year or for that matter a couple of months ago.

At the beginning of last year the rains came and just did not stop. There was flooding in many parts of the country, in all the usual places but the rains were so persistent that the devastation it caused was catastrophic. Ipswich flooded too, but the flooding was different to the 2011 floods which was caused in some respects by the dam operators not controlling the water releases and then they had no choice but to let it go causing extensive damage, my house had close to 3 meters of water through according to reports.

The court case took 12 years to resolve and when the rain came last year it brought back all the same emotions that surfaced in 2011. My mental health was not good. I really struggled and I just wanted to run away, anywhere would do. My house did not flood this time but the garden got a bit of water through it. You feel as if you are falling into a pit of shit with no way out.

I put the house on the market, a knee jerk reaction in hindsight. Who was going to buy the house knowing that flooding was a possibility, although a minor one at that.

I still have the dilemma of what to do with the house in the future. As I said my first thoughts were to sell up and buy in Rockhampton, which is something that I am sure will happen but I don’t think that time is now. My worry is the house insurance increasing to a point where it is too expensive to insure against flood and of course that will put the hems on selling it, if flood insurance is unaffordable I might be stuck here for good.

Driving the school buses has just about destroyed my will to live and it was turning me into a lethargic miserable bastard that felt was killing time before the grim reaper came a calling, I gave it away and told them that for my sanity and my Mental Health I need a break. I will never go back to doing that amount of driving again for them; mind you if they are stuck I will help them out from time to time with a day here and a day there. I feel so much better not being there. I’m free! I do want to work though, and intend to get a job as it would help the hip pocket.

So for the last two months I have been working around the house, getting jobs done that need done if I want to sell. I’ve had the retaining wall fixed, that was $6500. The paint for the house so far has cost $400 but the labour for that has been free, all done by me and it has been great therapy. I am not a fan of painting but I have enjoyed painting the house and doing something useful and seeing a result at the end of the day, honest work where you work hard and sleep like a log at night. I’ll move on to the garden and do a few more repairs and then do a bit of landscaping…..make it look all pretty.

On a side note…..I signed up to YouTube Premium and the best part of this is that I can listen to unlimited music. Just like Spotify, YouTube Music gives me access to just about anything I want and I have been using that way more than watching videos and so I have been blasting out all sorts of wonderful music over the last few weeks…….Good Mental health therapy……….

I finished the high sections of the house last week and everything else can now be done at ground level apart from two downpipes where a small ladder will suffice. I feel that the pressure is off slightly and so for the last two weeks I have been going for long walks around the Ipswich city centre. There are many hills here and walking around many of the old streets is rather enjoyable and so I get up early and start around 7.30 am in the cool of the day. One reason for this is to strengthen my ankle and ligaments that I damaged at Petra, I still wear the compression bandage at night but I can feel that it is very close to being back to 100%.

Just when everything is cruising along hunky dory like, I get the news that I have a BCC (Basel cell Carcinoma) a very common cancer but if left untreated could be an issue. That sobers you up and puts life in focus real quick. Not good for your Mental Health. And so with all this in mind I am currently living my life as if I am retired, although I don’t have the bank balance to retire and I’m currently on the Brew which at least keeps the food and roof over my head.

The running costs of the house apart from insurance are cheap and the house is comfortable. It’s insulated and I like it and it’s easy to maintain…..usual story, if I could take the house to Rockhampton I would be very happy. And so with all this in mind and trying to get me shit together and focus on what to do in the coming months, and I think I might just be coming to a conclusion.

And what does that look like? Well I will go home at the beginning of the year and try to get another Chinese visa and return to china for two years. Rent the house out, surely the insurance shouldn’t rise too much while I’m away and if it does then I’ll put it on the market and sell it while I’m in China and then come back after two years and buy in Rockhampton.

And of course I can only be enthused by the words of Rabbie Burns to realise that no one knows what is around the corner and to just get on with life, these words are taken from one of my favourite poems “To a Mouse”

 “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men Gang aft agley,”

Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim’rous beastie,
O, what a pannic’s in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi’ bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an’ chase thee,
Wi’ murd’ring pattle!

I’m truly sorry man’s dominion,
Has broken nature’s social union,
An’ justifies that ill opinion,
Which makes thee startle
At me, thy poor, earth-born companion,
An’ fellow-mortal!

I doubt na, whiles, but thou may thieve;
What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!
A daimen icker in a thrave
‘S a sma’ request;
I’ll get a blessin wi’ the lave,
An’ never miss’t!

Thy wee bit housie, too, in ruin!
It’s silly wa’s the win’s are strewin!
An’ naething, now, to big a new ane,
O’ foggage green
An’ bleak December’s winds ensuin,
Baith snell an’ keen!

Thou saw the fields laid bare an’ waste,
An’ weary winter comin fast,
An’ cozie here, beneath the blast,
Thou thought to dwell-
Till crash! the cruel coulter past
Out thro’ thy cell.

Thy wee bit heap o’ leaves an’ stibble,
Has cost thee mony a weary nibble!
Now thou’s turn’d out, for a’ thy trouble,
But house or hald,
To thole the winter’s sleety dribble,
An’ cranreuch cauld!

But, Mousie, thou art no thy-lane,
In proving foresight may be vain;
The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

Still thou art blest, compar’d wi’ me
The present only toucheth thee:
But, Och! I backward cast my e’e.
On prospects drear!
An’ forward, tho’ I canna see,
I guess an’ fear!