Written on 23rd of July 2015

On this particular day in July which was a Saturday in 1960 and also the year of the rat, this fine gentleman was born. He was not planned as he was to discover later in life. But he was told he was a brilliant mistake. At this point I should say that there was no residual scarring from this revelation as far as he is aware.

He made it through school even although he got knocked down by a car on the way there one morning. He even survived a close shave when a friend called George, who was walking along side, got shot in the face while walking home from school, yes shot……..

The Cochrane House hotel was the centre of that universe and it was his favourite drinking hole. His first pint was had at the age of 15 and he was on the pool team by 17.

The only tangible piece of evidence he has from then is the pint glass he stole from there 30 years ago

Several drunken years where consuming over a gallon of beer in a single night was common practice and then having the cheek to go to work the next morn to drive his trusty Volvo double Decker.

That bus could do 70 mph fully loaded. Best job ever for fun and enjoyment. Doing a 360 degree handbrake turn in the double Decker was magic. Even better than the Ice Cream van where he sold some very interesting items.

He grew up in a time where there was no surveillance, where you could get away with lots of mischief and where freedom really meant freedom.

He had then an interesting eclectic mix of friends then and still does.

Some were on the good and some on the bad. He walked a tightrope at times between these two worlds but thankfully never fell too far or got caught up.

He had a sea change at 28 when he left for Australia. He still lives there after 25 years and is now looking for another path to stroll, so he is now in China for a while……

He gets bored easily and I sometimes worry about him but usually in hindsight there is no need.

He is ?

 

My friend Amanda and I went to this exhibition today. This exhibition by Peter Gentenaar from the Netherlands. Everything is made from paper,  but of course they have been manipulated in many different ways and in doing so he has created some magnificent pieces of art.

A very interesting exhibition and if the house was bigger I would like one in the hoose.

An evening stroll to burn off the dumplings, I’ve only walked 6000 steps today so I need to do a wee bit more. As I often do I wander off the beaten track and so today I head for familiar territory but take a different route. I know I’ll come across the canal at some stage but to get there I have to walk through some older parts where they don’t get a lot of tourists.

After walking through a rabbit warren of lanes and streets selling fruit and snacks I finally pass the vegetable gardens on the bank of the canal. There is a foot bridge allowing me to get to the other side. I stop to watch the barges go by on the river for a while as the sun is setting behind me. It’s been a hot day and it’s good to finally feel the temperature drop.

This is like the M1 for barges, transporting just about anything through the network of waterways around Suzhou and beyond. tonight however it was mostly gravel, sand, earth and construction materials being moved, for the most part in one direction and that was towards the city.

Some of the barges are going so slow because they are so low in the water. You can see the height difference as the pass each other. Most of the empty ones are heading west.

As they pass beneath the bridge you a can not only hear the low rumble of the big diesel but you can feel the vibrations come through your feet. Which I may add is very relaxing. To stand here at sunset and just watch the big barges lazily going about there business is very satisfying and good spot to get away from rush hour.

Although overhead today the Chinese Air force is flexing it’s military might. Not sure how far from here the Air force base is but today they have been out playing with their toys.

Not sure how long I stood here just watching the world go by, maybe the locals thought that the foreigner was ready to jump.

There’s a certain fascination with boats and I must admit I would have loved to jump on board one westbound headed for Taihu Lake. I like being on boats but only if I am near the shore. I like to watch the world from a different perspective and at a leisurely pace. Sitting on one of these barges with the big diesel humming in the background sipping a beer watching the world go by sounds great. It brings back memories of going down the Mekong River from Cambodia to Vietnam.

Many of the families running the barges live and work on the barge and this is where they will spend most of their life. Not sure if this is the life for me but I know that I could quite happily spend a few days at least.

Suzhou has many waterways but locals are not allowed to use the them. You can not buy a boat or canoe and explore. This is because the government think that it’s safer to ban all use of the waterways for private use because too many people might die and this is possibly true. The only boats allowed are tourist boats and the commercial traffic. But it would be great if you could hire a commercial boat and explore the back streets so to speak, but you cannot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PS I ended up walking 24,678 steps. I can have more dumplings…………..

​

My mind is still young and my body is old,

But then again I feel so bold,

The shackles of fear have been left at the door,

I’m free and keen and ready to explore,

But am I in my Prime?

Well in my mind at least.

The skin is old and crinkled,

The muscles are worn and tired,

My flowing locks have long gone,

What’s left is grey and shaved to the wood,

My beard, my eyebrows and chest include.

It’s spreading its way south,

I am in my Prime.

But now I’m distinguished,

Well that’s what they say,

I get young people giving me a seat on the the bus,

I decline and don’t want to make a fuss,

I have my dignity,

I am in my Prime.

The mind wants to do it,

And is very sure that it can,

Mind over matter is the will of man,

But sometimes we fail and the body protests,

But you can always take a pill these days and still act your best,

I am in my Prime

Or maybe I’m just a Prima Donna,

Whose ego is large?

Whose outlook on life is controlled by the scars?

By the failures and successes of the last 50 years,

Which have always been accompanied by drinking a few beers,
But I’ve been fortunate in life although I’ve had some distress,

I can’t solve every problem but I try my best,

I don’t believe in god, but karma seems real,

And I know one thing for sure,

Something that’s real,

I am in my Prime.

A lonely miserable night in China First written 2 weeks after I got here, but I just found it again so I thought I’d share

 

I wanted a change and I got it,

So I made the break from a boring easy life,

I left my friends, family and my Hoose.

I cut myself free of the shackles of modernity and order,

But not right away, a pilgrimage was done to ma Home.

 

So now I’m on my way to China you see,

But don’t know what’s ahead of me,

I feel that this is what I must do,

But yet I feel empty and don’t have a clue.

I thought that when I arrived some things would be in place, but instead it’s a bit ad hoc,

There is no job, well not for a while,

That soon made me lose my smile,

I could have travelled for weeks and it would have mattered, but to me.

The picture in my head has been shattered, but I should have known.

 

My digs are adequate and roommate Simon is fine,

He’s been very helpful and I don’t want to whine, but………………………

I feel that I have been deceived somehow,

So now what?

Do I stay and learn Chinese?

An asset today no doubt,

And of course I should be pleased,

But no, I’m not happy………

Is it also because I’m behind the big Firewall and can’t see Facebook or Google?

My phone doesn’t work and I’m getting sick of noodle,

So now what? What will I do? I don’t know……………..

Well there’s always a plan B,

But what will that B be?

Plan B will be better for sure and at least I have options,

So don’t despair, it’s better to have tried and failed, so they say……………..

But now it’s time for a single Malt,

I’ll open that the duty free,

A nice old Bowmore from Islay,

That’s the drink for me………………

Slàinte.

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted a change and I got it,

So I made the break from a boring easy life,

I left my friends, family and my Hoose.

I cut myself free of the shackles of modernity and order,

But not right away, a pilgrimage was done to ma Home.

 

So now I’m on my way to China you see,

But don’t know what’s ahead of me,

I feel that this is what I must do,

But yet I feel empty and don’t have a clue.

I thought that when I arrived some things would be in place, but instead it’s a bit ad hoc,

There is no job, well not for a while,

That soon made me lose my smile,

I could have travelled for weeks and it would have mattered, but to me.

The picture in my head has been shattered, but I should have known.

 

My digs are adequate and roommate Simon is fine,

He’s been very helpful and I don’t want to whine, but………………………

I feel that I have been deceived somehow,

So now what?

Do I stay and learn Chinese?

An asset today no doubt,

And of course I should be pleased,

But no, I’m not happy………

Is it also because I’m behind the big Firewall and can’t see Facebook or Google?

My phone doesn’t work and I’m getting sick of noodle,

So now what? What will I do? I don’t know……………..

Well there’s always a plan B,

But what will that B be?

Plan B will be better for sure and at least I have options,

So don’t despair, it’s better to have tried and failed, so they say……………..

But now it’s time for a single Malt,

I’ll open that the duty free,

A nice old Bowmore from Islay,

That’s the drink for me………………

Slàinte.

 

 

 

 

April 2009

In 1981 my apprenticeship was finished and my contract was not renewed

At the same time my girlfriend Marie left me. That’s us in the van together

But the hardest thing to cope with that year was the loss of my Ice Cream Van of 3 years. It was a way of life that was magic.

It was so hard to get a van and I had one of the best runs.

You had to know someone or be very lucky. But I got Van 1

You would usually start as a relief driver. Most often Saturday nights. And if you went OK you would work the whole weekend. This meant you had to be out all day Sunday. Stopping only for lunch.

It was a long day but worth it.

We got paid by commission and the rate was 7p in the pound. Doesn’t sound much but in 1978 that was a lot of money.

A week night you could make $5

Saturday would be at least a tenner sometime more

Sunday’s were just great 20 pounds easy

I got the van from Matt. Local Entrepreneur and bouncer whom I knew well.

He had some business to take care of and he asked me to look after the van in his absence.

How could I refuse?

It was great

Drive around all night in a van that was loaded to the gunnels with sweets and meeting girls at every stop. I could take what I wanted and didn’t have to pay for anything.

I tried everything on the van at least once and never got sick.

We sold

Crisps

Pickled onion was my favourite. We had salt & vinegar cheese & onion, tomato smokey bacon and for a short time Hedgehog.

Chocolates dairy milk

Too many to mention and a few that you don’t get here.

Drinks

Lemonade, limeade orange and a few local tastes………Irn Bru , Tizer and Dandelion & burdock

Which was ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING

Cigarettes

At least 20 different types.

We sold them to anyone. None of this over 18 malarkey. In fact some of the kids were our best customers. We even sold single cigarettes with two matches, just in case the first one went out, that’s how generous we were.

At the front window of the van we had all the stuff for the kids, just at the right height.

Penny things.

Toffee, Chocolate bananas jellies, snakes, liquorice. Flying saucers, Chelsea Whoppers

We also had the fridge which was full of ice cream and Ice lollies.

We sold cones

Double nougats

Oysters

Wafers

You could even buy condoms and or Hash. Paki Black, Moroccan Gold, RedLeb or Cannabis Resin

I rented the van from The Parducci dynasty for 20 pounds a week and we had to do was buy all our stock from them..

Parducci Ice cream was the best

My run or territory was my very own council estate. Corseford.

Which you had to defend believe it or not.

It’s a mile in circumference with streets and cul de sacs all named after rivers.

I lived in Tay place.

In the 80’s there were turf wars between rival van companies all over Scotland.

The amount of money to be made was staggering, either legal or illegal

In fact thirty years ago, criminals realised that ice-cream vans could be a perfect front for drug dealing and moving stolen goods

Andrew Doyle was 18 and was a van driver for the Marchetti brothers in East Glasgow.

He tried to venture into new areas and increase his territory.

Mr Doyle was threatened and shot one night.

Then, on 16 April 1984 someone set fire to his tenement home in the middle of the night. He and five members of his family died that night. And this was all over Ice Cream Van territories.

In 1986 in Glasgow Thomas Campbell and Joe Steele were convicted of murder after killing six members of the Doyle family. The deaths coincided with the targeting of ice cream vans in Glasgow as a front for moving stolen goods and drugs.

After twenty years the pair was released. This was one of the more dramatic incidents that made the headlines and the main stream media and there have been movies and books written on this subject.

When I started the van in the late 70’s we had turf wars and they were taken care of pretty quickly.

When a new driver took over area news travelled fast. Matt was a hard man and nobody dared to come near him. But now it was my turn.

It was first of all the Pollombo van that did a few hit and run ventures into my turf. Mind you their ice cream was good. But you couldn’t allow this to happen.

Luckily Matt had left his crack young team to protect his investment. His young team looked after things well and in return some booze was bought to help them along.

Other companies would give it a go and even some of your own Parducci drivers. But after a couple of weeks when everyone realised that the protection was still in place, they all backed off……….. thankfully.

I wasn’t one for fighting. Although we did keep a large stick in the front of the van just in case.

Tony was the van boy that I inherited from Matt. He came with the van. He was 15 and absolutely nuts. He had obviously been watching Matt’s diplomacy at work. The idea of hit first and ask questions later was his style. Most nights he would jump out the van and chase some other kid that was getting a bit lippy.

We had a few heated discussions, but soon we got down to making money. That was one of the main reasons we were there. The more money we took in the more we got paid. Tony was on commission also. 3p in the pound. For this he would make sure that the van was ready for me to pick up after my work. And at night we would stock it up and get it ready for the next day. He loved the van more than me.

It becomes a way of life.

And being 15 an on a van, the other kids treated him like a pop star, well most of them.

I would take a Saturday night off and get a relief driver. Had to make sure Tony approved of course.

On the Sunday morn if I was feeling a bit rough and couldn’t quite face the day till I had my greasy breakfast, then I would let Tony do a circuit of the scheme, which would take bout an hour. For a 15 year old he could drive really well.

Our chimes were “Strangers in the Night” and I must admit I never got sick of them. You were allowed to play the chimes up to 7pm and then you were supposed to blow a whistle which we rarely did.

I got caught one night by the Police.

I had managed to get away with it before, but this night I got caught fair and square.

I went to court and got fined 10 pounds for breaching the Anti pollution act of 1976 sub section B. This was a criminal offence which has haunted me for years.

When I applied to come to Australia I had to tell them I had a criminal record. When they asked me what for I said in a quiet voice………”Playing my Ice Cream Van chimes after 7pm” I wished that I could have told them something more exotic.

There was only one way to drive the Ice Cream van and that was flat out. You could go round the corners pretty fast in the van, but sometimes if you pushed it too far……you paid the price.

All the crisp boxes that sat on top of the crates of lemonade on the floor would come crashing and spilling out.

Can you imagine how sticky the floor would become, when all these sweet drinks mixed with chocolate and penny things from the front kids shelf. Although we did recycle as much as we could get away with. You just had to bury some of the sweets under something else.

Hail rain sleet or snow we would be out in the van. That’s if we could get to the depot and then get back up the hill.

The depot was in Miller St at the bottom of a hill. If we did get out then you could have a ball.

You could put your foot flat on the floor and then hold the wheel on full lock and you could have the van doing a pirouette while the van chimes played Strangers in the night

Don’t see many vans doing that

It didn’t matter how cold it got we still sold ice cream. In the middle of winter we would have a gas heater up the front in the cab so we were cosy. The Gas bottle jammed into the foot well. Let’s see the Health and Safety allow that one these days.

I made the mistake the first winter I worked of leaving a bottle of lemonade in my car overnight. When I got into the car the next morn there was glass and ice all over the driver’s floor. The floor was so sticky. It was so cold that the bottle exploded.

The van was like a bank on wheels. If I was short of cash and I could help myself.

The van bought me my first flash car. A Ford Capri S It was only 3 years old and I was 19 and the girls loved it.

I loved it I used to pass this car on my way to school and now it was mine.

We went to Majorca on holiday. Two weeks in the sun when most kids my age were going no where.

Life was good…………no life was GREAT.

Then along comes 1981 and it all disappears. I lost the van due to an argument over money with Roy Parducci. He said I owed him 400 pounds. I told him to shove it.

That was a mistake and I was the one that got shoved.

It was all gone,

It was all over,

The first night after losing the van I heard the chimes play as the van roared up my street.

That was my Van

That was Van 1

I have so many memories and good times, more than I can impart to you tonight. It was a very special time in my life.

It was certainly was the end of an Era.

On a Wednesday I go to an Italian company called MMG and I give English lessons to some of the employees there.Wendy is one of the girls I teach and she said to me a couple of weeks ago that her and her husband could give me a lift home which is great because my new digs are a fair way away from this company. Yesterday was my 3rd ride home and as usual it can be an exciting ride due to the very fact that you are in China. For some strange reason, which I have no idea why, we sit in the back seat. Often when you see a family here or even if the car has just a husband and wife then the wife will sit in the back and not beside the driver. So Wendy and I are chatting in the back of the car and her husband seems to be in the mood to change lanes all the time and getting no where fast. On the freeway he does a lot of heavy breaking because he is sitting on the arse of the guy in front. The driving tonight is an example of how the vast majority drive here. He doesn’t look ahead and read the road and so he’s on and off the gas. Rather than staying in the one lane his in impatience is getting the better of him and he gets caught at every wrong decision he makes.

We come to a set of lights which is always busy and when you turn right the 3 lanes narrow into two because we have to go over the bridge. As we do so we see this BMW on the back of a transporter and it has been seriously modified and quite recently by the look of it. He has a chuckle about how you have to be careful when driving in China, Pity he doesn’t take his own advice. After crossing the bridge the road splits into two and gets wider. He is intending to go right at the fork but the bus on the inside has no intention of that happening and so the race begins but the bus has the edge and he is forced to back off as it looks like the bus and car are about to become one. And then for a brief moment car and bus touch and he hits the breaks and then back on the gas as we begin to hunt the bus in front of us.The bus driver is doing a great job of keeping him at bay and of course as a one time crazy bus driver myself I know how easy and enjoyable it can be to play with someone like this. But not to be out done by the bus driver the husband has some crazy moves himself and he screams up the inside of the bus and then pulls in front of him several times until he wears out the bus driver and we both stop in the middle of the road, not off to one side but in the middle of the road. Bus driver and husband exchange words and it’s on………….

The next thing husband is back in the car and we are pulling off to the side of the road. Wendy is very apologetic and says that they will call the police and was I OK to wait or did I have to go somewhere. I said “No problem” I’m just curious to see what happens next. I get out the car to inspect the damage and to be honest I was expecting quite a bit of damage because before I got out the husband and bus driver were going at it hammer and tongs shouting about the damage. I mean it can’t be that bad, after all he still managed to drive the car like Starsky and Hutch.

I get round tho the passenger side and begin to mingle with the passengers from the bus that have all come out to have a look and see what the problem is. I look for the damage and at first I don’t see anything and then I notice the door mirror has a mark on it about 3 cm long and about 1 cm wide. This is the impact point. There is no other damage. I’m a bit bemused by the whole thing, after all it wasn’t all the crazy bus drivers doing, husband was also playing the same stupid game.But to this day I still don’t know what possesses people to take on a vehicle that is twice or three times their size, just let it go. Husband and driver are still screaming at each other, the driver is furious because he thinks that the damage is so small and insignificant and he’s no doubt going for his tea and just wants to get home and this is the last thing he needs is some nutter going on about a scratch. Husband will not budge. I stay in the background and get a few strange looks from the passengers. Another bus arrives and all the passengers board that bus to be whisked away . The police arrive on their ebikes and take particulars. The looks on their faces said it all. “What the fuck are we doing here?” Husband has over reacted and gone too far but he has to play it through to the end, I mean you don’t want to lose face.

After 10 mins the police go, the bus driver screams off and I return to the back seat and continue my chat with Wendy. I’m only 2 kms from my home so we are soon stopping again. Husband stops the car and you can see he is still a little shaken from the whole experience. I hope he learns from this incident and takes a bit more care when driving. I’m a great believer in giving people a little fear now and again to get them to pull their heads in and think of the consequences. I know when I saw some driver being a bit of a bully and forcing his way through the traffic when I drove the buses I would often give them a little fright by gently pulling out into their path and giving them a little scare. But sometimes I was also doing the right thing in the bus and some clown would try and fight with me for space on the road. One day a Volvo driver did this and he lost and I ripped off the front of his car, I couldn’t contain my delight. Although I was very disappointed I never managed to rip off a car door when one was opened in front of me, I always reacted too quick. When I returned to the depot one night and found out that one of my mates had managed to do this on Paisley Road West I was so so jealous.

​Yesterday I went for a wander down by one of the many canals here in Suzhou. It was a very residential area with many old houses on the canal, small businesses and one wee gem I stumbled upon was the Solo Cafe.

It seemed a bit out of place here but as I continued to wander I soon realised that the University is not too far away and that some of the houses here look quite large so I guess there will be some coffee lovers around.  This wee place is just that, it’s wee. You can have any type of coffee, it sells booze,  ice cream and small snacks. There are book shelves filled with books, mind you they were all Chinese but that’s OK because I took my own. There is a mixture of tables and chairs.

And where I was sitting on the comfy sofa, a large window overlooks the canal. Mind you I wouldn’t swim in it but it still is quite a nice vista to have when reading and sipping coffee.

In the background classical music meanders through this small cafe which helps transport you from the chaotic world outside. A brief respite from the horns and madness that is China.

The coffee was also very tasty, I would have preferred a little stronger but it was by far the best coffee I’ve tasted here in Suzhou. And so I shall return to the Solo Cafe and look forward to parking my arse on the big comfy chair beside the window for another long black.
I took it down because of the amount of spam but I have managed to find an easy solution to the problem. ..

Yesterday as I was walking passed the Suzhou University near Donghuan Lu, I saw a young girl cradling this young man in her lap. They were in the bike lane at the side of the road. His body was lifeless and she was gently patting him as she sat there. She seemed very calm. There was a flaky looking young lady beside her that didn’t seem to be doing anything apart from holding some shopping and then to my amazement took a picture of them both lying on the ground. As I walked passed them I didn’t see any obvious signs of trauma, there was no blood on him but there was also no signs of life.

Everyone that passed them, whether it be on the motorbikes or walking stopped to have a look, but no one helped. I did not help either but then what could I do. I can’t even speak the language well enough never mind diagnose the problem and then maybe phone for an ambulance, what is the Chinese for 999? I must admit I was fascinated by the whole incident as morbid as it may sound. I was wondering why the girl holding the boy wasn’t on the phone calling an ambulance, maybe she had. Eventually another young girl stopped and took the boys arm to see if he had a pulse, well that’s what it look like. But there was little reaction from her also. She did however turn to flaky girl and tell her to go across the road for something and so she did with shopping in hand and then nearly got hit by a bus. After a few minutes she came running back with shopping in hand and was promptly told to go back again. I guess 10 mins a had passed and I hadn’t see a phone call being made or anyone else lending a hand.

I decided that my morbid curiosity would not be satisfied as I was not prepared to watch any longer.

A few weeks previously I was walking to the bus stop on the same part of town. As I reached the but stop I noticed, well heard this white AMG Mercedes first of all and then I saw it rip passed the bus stop at warp speed. A common sight in Suzhou and as night falls, many of these kid boy racers come out to play. Now bear in mind that most of the drivers in China are shit and it is a very small minority that can actually drive with any due care and attention.

My bus arrives a short while later and on I go, I grab a window seat and connect to the free WiFi so that I can see what has been happening with The Donald. After about 5 mins we are stopped at a set of lights but it’s obvious that something else is going on. I’m on the drivers side of the bus and we are about to pass the white AMG Mercedes which is parked diagonally across the road blocking off one lane. There are about 15 people gathered and they are all discussing something. A short distance away on the ground lies a young guy in his 20’s staring into space, motorbike lying behind him but again no sign of life. The bus is stopped for at least 3 or 4 minutes and again I’m fascinated that no one is with the boy on the ground, but then again if he is dead why worry. The boy is lying on his side and his head is resting on his arm and at first I’m thinking he must be really hurt and they don’t want to move him, but no one is with him. The longer the bus sits there, the more my eyes are drawn to the young man on the floor and then I realise that his eyes are wide open and they have not blinked once, he hasn’t moved, I think he’s dead.

So I’m not sure if the AMG was involved in all of this or he was just a good Samaritan taking control of the situation but either way it is still very different from the way this situation would have been dealt with in the UK or Australia for instance.

Death is of course is the final leveler for us all and will come to us in different ways, we can’t avoid it. But I’m hoping that it will be a while before he comes knocking at my door. To be honest I’m very surprised that I haven’t seen more death in China while I’ve been here because as I’ve mentioned many times the driving here is dreadful, but not only that it’s the way people move across streets without looking. They don’t seem to have any idea of the risk to their life’s, they just don’t think through the decision before they make it. I guess the only way you can really know what I’m talking about is to come here and see for yourself.