It’s been a year since I’ve been here,

I was asked to come to help with a new school,

However when I arrived it turned out to be a load of bull,

Nothing existed, not even a book,

I had taken the bait and swallowed the hook.

I was so fuckin’ angry I could hardly speak,

My face must have said it all as the colour filled my cheeks.

 

My accommodation was shit,

My accommodation was old,

My friend and been so bold as to tell me it was fine,

To add insult to injury I was expected to pay,

I was so fucking’ angry but I had no choice but to stay.

I couldn’t talk to my friend and I had to avoid her in every way

I would’ve committed murder I think,

Because she pushed me to the brink.

 

I was in an old part of town and the traffic was heavy,

The horns were blaring and the pavements were messy,

Dog shit and crap all over the place,

An over powering stench which was like a smack in the face.

Camembert  or smelly socks would have been better to sniff,

Or even a few lines of Ajax or Jif

  

So what can I do now, I need to make some money.

My life in China so far was far from being funny.

I was introduced to an agent called John,

A strange wee man but he had a plan,

He would set up a demo class and see how I went,

10 new students were my victims and so we were set.

I was so so nervous and the lesson was shit,

I felt that I failed and I knew I hadn’t nailed it

But John said, “ don’t worry for now you will improve”.

But I was ready to give up and just move,

This is not what I want to do, nor to feel this way,

But what can I do to make some pay?

 

I was asked, “Will you teach children?” I said “I’d rather not

It’s just too difficult and there might be too much snot”.

But I started teaching Emily a brat child like no other,

This child was the devil incarnate with a very vain mother,

But I needed the money and it was something to do,

But never again will I put myself through such grief as this,

My first visa run was rapidly approaching,

I just wanted to fly and discard this life

To seek safety and comfort in a familiar place.

To lie and relax far from that rat race.

So I went to Thailand to seek pleasures new,

To put some colour back in my life and stop feeling blue,

 

I returned a new man,

And I had a fantastic plan,

I would move out the shit apartment and find somewhere new,

I told Simon I was moving and said “you can shove your fucking apartment up your arse”,

Because you’re nothin’, just a filthy wee bastard you snivelling wee grass”

I never liked him and it felt so good to finally tell him what he should have already understood,

 

I moved to a new apartment the very next day.

It was modern and new and very far away from the chaos and noise,

It was upmarket and this place was choice.

I could stay for three months and it went in a blink,

And all too soon my heart was heavy and started to sink,

 

 

 

But Judy came to my rescue and gave me a room,

In a penthouse no less with a very good view,

I couldn’t believe it; I’ve landed on my feet,

I almost felt that I wanted to greet,

But I canny dae that as I’m too old to cry,

But now I can watch the wee birds fly by.

They wake me up in the morn which is better than before,

I have public transport on my doorstep and so travelling is no a chore.

I can stay for 6 months and then it’s time to move once more.

 

Well that time has arrived and it’s been an interesting time,

As I look over my year I think I have done just fine,

I’ve made many new friends and been many places,

I’ve tried so many different foods and gained celebrity status.

 

I enjoy my life here but I think it could be better,

But I will leave for a while and be a jet setter.

I’m hoping to go to Burma and Europe and back to my roots,

And do some of the things I had planned before like getting on my hiking boots.

I will leave here in December but will return next year,

I will be more prepared than before and have less fear,

I’ve met some good people here and will miss them when I go,

But I look forward to the reunions to come, to make a wee pilgrimage to my Mum.

To see old familiar places to see old familiar faces once more,

 

 Life is short and life is quick,

Tempus Fugit and all that shit,

But use it or lose it and try something new,

Or before you know it they will be measuring you for a box

And making sure you are wearing the correct socks.

If you have the option, then take a risk,

If you want to try it, I can assure you it’s better than being missed.

Let the reality become a memory to regale to another,

A friend, a family member or even your lover,

Live your life in reality and not in the virtual,

Or very very soon that daily ritual,

Will be your last.

 

 

 

  Continue reading A Year In China →

When I flew back from Hong Kong I had my phone on Airplane mode but look at the amount of wifi available from the clowns on board that don’t think that there is any need to switch their’s off. This happens on many flights in China. One of these clowns was sitting beside me and as we neared Shanghai he kept checking his phone for a signal. As soon as the wheels touched down he was on his phone.  

Organ donations

Why take it with you when you have no need,

Why be so selfish and pay no heed,

To the needy and the dying.

Your heart for instance was never used much,

This is because you were always out of touch,

If only you had used it more, but then again you were such an utter bore,

But never mind it’s not yours now.

It’s gone to a better home and a better life,

A better family and a better wife,

But the kids are still a pain.

Give me your face; I like your nose,

I wish I could have your brain and I could write better prose,

But I’m stuck for now.

I like your ears; they sit flat and are not too big.

I can also use them to anchor my wig,

I like your eyes, they are so blue,

But what have you seen with them, I wish I knew,

To see the life of another and be that fly on the wall,

What horrors they might have seen, what good can you recall,

But it’s not in the eyes but it’s in the brain they say, or is it?

Give me a kidney while you still breathe,

I’ll give you a big pile of cash so you won’t freeze.

You won’t miss it, in fact it will be better,

‘Cause you’ll only have to drink a little to have some pleasure.

They’re just going to waste in that shell of yours,

You drink so much booze that you are about to lose,

Not only your life but you sanity,

So give it to me so that I can have my vanity.

A dialysis each week is not a good look, for one such as me.

Give me your lungs I want to breathe on my own,

I want to climb a mountain and get into the high zone,

Where the air is clean and pure and fresh,

I will look after them, I promise………

I won’t smoke and I’ll breathe everyday

I’ll keep them warm even on a cold winter’s day.

But soon one day it will not matter what we need or what we lose,

Our stem cells will grow anew for whatever we choose.

So if I get bored instead of being sick.

Then maybe I can go for a procedure and get a really big….

Thick head of hair and look like a grizzly bear,

The way I was when I was younger.

But I believe we will not need this body in the next life,

And so if you can help someone to relieve their pain,

Then this is a win and a personal gain for both.

So make sure you tick the box before you rest in peace,

YOU won’t miss these bits where you’re going is my belief.

No matter your god or your religion too,

The next life guarantees a brand new you,

No miles on the clock, no wrinkles no pain,

SO there is nothing to lose and so much to gain

So tick that box before you move on

You know you want to do it, so get a move on.

This small gift will change a life in ways you can’t imagine,

Your essence may still be real,

Hell you might even feel.

But whether it’s a lung a heart a liver or kidney,

If you live in Perth, Brisbane or even in Sydney,

Then tick the box ‘cause you know if you didnae, you’re a loser.

I got some news this morning that I’ll have to look for new digs in October so I think this is the catalyst to make some new plans and leave China for a while and return to the west but via Myanmar and Thailand. 

I have a visa run planned for December and I’m planning to go to Malaysia and then onto Myanmar and after that I had planned to return to China but instead i think I will take the opportunity to head west and to go to Europe before going back to the UK. 

My visit was cut short to the UK last time because I was promised work in China that never came to fruition and so I felt my time was robbed. So I will have to save the pennies for the next few months before I pack my bags and go West. 

I shall keep you posted😆

I know this teacher called Carol and she asked me to do a demo class for 4 students and I said yes. Their English ranged from so so to not very good at all so it was difficult to do. At the end of the class only one wished to proceed which is ok. To my surprise the terms and conditions for payment are this,

If I want to charge 150 to 200 rmb for a one hour lesson then I must give her 100rmb for every class that I do. I was asked not to mention this to her neighbour and friend that wanted to have the class with me. So then I would have to charge this poor sod 250 to 300rmb each time and then give her 100 rmb for every class, I think not……. A one of fee might be acceptable but not for every lesson. I reneged on this offer and I feel sorry for the many people here that are being ripped off for English lessons. Maybe I am the stupid one but I could not charge up to $60 an hour for an English lesson.

This is the reason I will never be rich, but at least I can sleep easy in my bed at night.

 

 

So much planning for a two week holiday and yet when the time finally arrives it goes in the blink of an eye. Catherine and Stuart arrived at Pudong Airport a little late I may add. The flight time said 18:30 but it was closer to 19:30 before they came through, but we had organised a car to take us to our digs for the night.

Those digs were not too far from the Bund and was really a business hotel. Our room was a studio apartment with views of the city and it worked out really well. Shanghai was surprisingly clear and so we went for a walk and took a few pictures of the city.

The next day we explored a little but did not go too far. At night we went to Grandma’s Restaurant which is famous apparently but it’s not for the food. There were many Chinese there but to me the food’s not good and well over priced.  After there we went to the Captain’s Bar which is nestled between two buildings and also sits on top of a youth hostel. I’d been here before with Pete many years ago but I was shocked at the prices this time. It was $40 for two beers and a gin and tonic, I certainly didn’t have enough money to get drunk, but you are paying for the view and not the beer. This time however the bar was mobbed and just like last time I was here it began to rain.

 

Next day we went to the Sculpture Park which is well worth a visit, the rain persisted but it did not spoil the experience. Afterwards we had local dumplings or wantons and then headed to the French Concession area where we had to have some coffee to recharge the batteries. I used DIDI to get around, this is the Chinese version of UBER but I was quite chuffed because I was able to use my language skills when the driver called to confirm locations etc. My Chinese was getting put to the test.

Next day we headed for Suzhou and got the high speed train form Shanghai. After arriving and checking into the hotel we went for a little wander around Suzhou to give Catherine and Stuart a quick look at the city I am living in. We didn’t have a late night and so after dinner and coffee i headed back home and left them to their own devices.

Over the next few days we visited a The Lingering Garden which is a typical Suzhou style garden and one that I had not been to before, but I enjoyed it very much. My friend Lydia accompanied us which was good because she was also able to translate much of the Chinese for us.

 

We went to Dongshan of course which is one of my favourite haunts and did the walk over the mountain and into the village, but unfortunately as it was later in the day there were so many noisy Chinese tourists everywhere which kind of spoiled the ambience of the place.

On the bus back to the main town centre one of the locals was chatting to me and started to laugh and she said that Stuart had a big nose and so the whole bus was laughing. The bus we got on was full of the old folk going to pick up the kids from school.

WE went to Tiger Hill and also had a quick look at the Suzhou Museum and then our time in Suzhou was just about over and so it was time to pack up and head to Beijing.

We met at Leqiao Metro Station and headed for Suzhou railway station. We arrived early as I always like to factor in a fuck up factor and thankfully on this occasion it was large enough to accommodate my fuck up. I only looked at the tickets when I arrived at the station and to my horror realised that we should have gone to Suzhou North Railway Station and not Suzhou Railway Station. Quickly back on the metro and changed onto a different line and watched the minutes tick by. It’s amazing how time flies in these situations. Each stop seemed to take for ever but time kept ticking. I’ve not been to Suzhou North for a long time and so had no idea where to go, but I headed for the south entrance which was a lucky guess.

We got through security and into the queue and then two mins later the line begins to move. Thankfully we got on the train and settled in for a 6 hour run to Beijing approximately 1200kms.

We stayed in a 5 star hotel in Beijing called the Prime Hotel and it was because it was the only place that we could get a family room a with a good location.

We went to the Great wall, the Forbidden City, The Temple of Heaven and the Summer Palace. The air quality was not so bad in Beijing and we even had some blue skies. The Great wall for me was by far the best experience and it was also challenging but a great day out which was organised by my friend Jasmine. We were lucky to have dinner with Jasmine the following evening and she took us to a local restaurant where many pf the waitresses come form the DPRK and I guess this explains the poor service we received. I think they thought we were Americans, I just hope they didn’t spit in the food.

We all had a great time and surprisingly didn’t want to kill each other…….I think’

And as all god things have to come to an end I jetted off to Hong Kong for my visa run and Catherine and Stuart headed back to Australia.

I came to Hong Kong after being in Beijing with Catherine and Stuart to do a visa run, although I’m about 2 weeks early. It was also cheaper to fly from Beijing than to return to Suzhou and then travel from there.

The airport bus stopped opposite the Shamrock Hotel on Nathan Road, which is a business hotel but centrally located and within 2 kms of the harbour. I love the fact that Hong Kong has double decker buses and this reminds me of many a happy time back in Scotland when I used to drive them there.

It’s plain to see the influence that the British has had on Hong Kong, from the British electrical sockets, the lack of Chinglish, the almost British number plates on cars and of course they drive on the left hand side which of course is the correct side of the road to be on. But I think the freedom and civilisation left in the wake of the British is still strong.
The driving is better and drivers mostly stick to the rules. There are openly gay people walking around, many young women smoke. There are orderly queues at the bus stops and people wait their turn. There is a sense of order in the chaos that is Hong Kong. Oh and there is and abundance of Indians here which is something I remember from my very first trip here 10 years ago. They of course are trying to sell you clothes but they are always too pushy and to be honest I wouldn’t trust them as far as I could throw them. They always seem to be scheming a new plan and look guilty, how they manage to do business is beyond me. A tad racist you may think, but I think not.

On the street behind the hotel there are the usual small restaurants and a market which at night time seems to double in size and it is also the haunt for many young ladies that you can hire for an hour or more, mind you I never asked the price as I nearly passed out at the price of a coffee never mind anything else.

Hong Kong

On this trip I asked my friend Grace to show me some nature in Hong Kong and so she took me to one of the local reservoirs which was on the road to the airport. When we got off the bus I could not believe that I was still in Hong Kong. After a short walk up the hill we were in dense forest and there were piles of shit on the ground but not from dogs but from monkeys and cows. Go figure………less than half an hour ago I was in the metro and the chaos of Hong Kong city.

It was quite hot and still early but thankfully for the most part we were in shade. The path has been well trodden and we met many people on the way round. It’s such a scenic spot and on the doorstep of a very busy city. When I look at the pictures I took later I find it hard to believe that such a place exists in Hong Kong, but I think this is also we have to thank the British for this, because these areas have been protected from development just like they are in the UK.  But rather than prattle on about the beauty and beast aspect of Hong Kong, I shall leave you with some photos to look at.

Well I got back to Suzhou after my trip to Beijing with Catherine and Stuart and my visa run to Hong Kong. I’m having a lazy morning and will soon put pen to paper once more as it’s been a little difficult when I’ve not had the time or my computer for that matter.