On the metro last night there was a wee security guard that got on at one of the busier stations and I had to laugh because his night stick was about half the size of him and the body language was no different to any other wee nyaff in any country.

This wee bespectacled chap stood facing the door , feet spread apart, thumbs tucked into his belt showing off his acne.  But he stood there with an air of authority because of his big stick and uniform but all of a sudden his expression changes as he reaches for his phone. The phone is quickly out and he looks at it as if it’s a very important message,  maybe his noodles have arrived I’m not sure, but again this is the body language of someone who is trying to look more important than that really are and after all who hasn’t. His expression changes to one of urgency and it looks like he has to get off the train now but he will have to wait at least another minute before we reach the next station, but can he keep this act going for that length of time? No he cracks under the pressure, but he touches his night stick for some security and that seems to calm him before he struts out the train, regaining his composure…………………….

A nyaff is a nyaff in any country…………

Nyaff is a word used mainly in the West of Scotland; especially around the Glasgow area that is used when referring to someone who is a bit weird or ‘off’ or just to refer to someone who you think is a bit of a dickhead.

After getting off the number 62 bus, just in case you are thinking of coming here yourself for a wee stroll, then from Suzhou it’s the number 62 bus that one needs. It will drop you in the heart of the town and of course you will run the gauntlet of desperate drivers looking for business and they only want 500 rmb, which is extortion by the way, to take you around. If I was you put on a good pair of shoes or jump on the local bus.

This is the sign telling us that we have 24 flights of steps ahead. They zig zag up the hill and just before you get to them you are walking through the many kumquat trees on your journey up the hill.

This is what pisses me off about China, most people drop their rubbish anywhere and every where and they have little respect about keeping the natural beauty just that. As I’ve said before they don’t hesitate when they drop their rubbish and this is the result, an unsightly mess in the middle of the wilderness. Two things I would love to see a change in here is this behaviour and the other is blasting car horns.If these two activities could be stopped then the country would be so much the better for it.

On Dongshan there is an old village which you can go into for a small fee but I don’t know how much it is because I sneaked in the back door. You can walk over the mountain and it’s about 6km or so and the path takes you up the 24 flights of steps to the main road which goes across the mountain. After walking along there for about a 1 km then you head off to the right and go up and over the rest of the hill and it will finally lead you through the tea plantations and into the rear of the village. When I arrived there was hardly any people about which is the way I like it.

After I arrived I had my lunch which I bought after getting off the bus. There is a supermarket and a small bakers where you can pick up supplies. I sat under a small pergoda and ate my Baozi and relaxed for about 40 mins and enjoyed the fresh air. My shirt is absolutely soaked through but today I brought a clean shirt with me to change into before I head home.

After lunch I left the village and walked a short distance along the road and along the side of the lake where I came across a fancy hotel on the left and then on the right near the lake there were many lotus flowers, which you will see all over the Suzhou region at this time of year.

What will I buy? 

Pick up, Sedan or Limo?

Decisions decisions 

There are fishermen and there are fish and as long as we have been on his planet this is the way it’s been. The shopkeeper will advertise their wears and try to entice you in to buy. The young girl will stand on the street corner in the hope she can catch a punter to make a quid. These are tangible things and at least you have an idea what you will get if you take the bait.

However some folk even promise you things that they can not deliver on, they don’t know for sure but they will tell you it’s the truth. Religion is at the forefront of this enterprise. Since the beginning of human existence there have been those who see the benefits of preaching to the masses, I could equate this to the unionist movements around the world.

I was once a shop steward and the main reason for doing this was that I begrudged having to pay the union fees as I did not want to join the union, so I thought if I am going to join then I may as well get some direct benefit and so I became the shop steward. As Shop Steward I would have to go to quarterly meetings at a posh hotel where I would be wined and dined. I got paid to go there and I got expenses too and all because I was a fully paid up member. You are often coerced into joining and if you don’t you get hounded.

The union organisers tell the shop stewards to increase the membership so that they can be stronger for the fights ahead. But to be honest most of the organisers I met had only one concern and that was to be kept in the job that they had, to stay on the junket that is the union. I would rather be a fisherman than a fish.

So lets get back to the beginning of time where a few clever people thought that they could see a little into the future and could see the benefits of telling the uneducated that if they don’t believe in their specific religion then there will be doom and damnation. This was the beginning of marketing and some folk were way better than others. Every religion has its own fantasy to tell and the more interesting it is then hopefully the more followers you will have and in return the more status you may get and of course with that will come the power and the money. Just look at the Vatican, this is an enterprise that came up with a great story and a great marketing campaign and it’s wealth is staggering. On the surface they have always wanted to promote that good triumphs over evil but to me they are more like a wolf in sheeps clothing.

Like most religions they will tell you if you whistle on a Tuesday or don’t eat fish on a Friday then you will be going to hell for eternity and when you do finally get there you will meet the devil. He of course was the main guy in the great marketing campaign in the early years when many folk decided that going to pray once a week and giving money to some orator was not a fun thing to do anymore, in fact they would rather buy food to feed their children. But the fear that was instilled in them is still as strong today and this type of marketing campaign has been very successful over the years and has brought in vast amounts of wealth to very few.

Now we not only live in reality but we live in the virtual world where we will see and hear many things which are not true, these are click-bait, which of course is the new term but it’s function is the same. It will entice the the masses to send shit around the internet and to create a whole different reality. This shit just gets in the way when you are actually looking for something. To me it stands out as obvious as a bloke with a tit on his head but for others they can’t see it for what it is and the fisher folk can once again enjoy some bounty.

In the early days of the internet when you clicked on a link that promised you something all that happened at worst was that you got directed via the moon and many sites before you got to where you wanted to be and all that happened was that you wasted time, but now it’s a little different. You will of course waste  time and in the process of you will be making some of the architects of this creation wealthy because clicks mean money, but not only that you might also be leaving yourself open to malware attacks from some of the websites that you go to. Many websites that the click-bait takes you to are no better than a rat infested sewer and there is a good chance your computer will catch the plague.

Phising is another wonderful new word and side effect of the digital age. In the old days you would get a letter through the door asking if you wanted to subscribe to a magazine that you never really wanted, but they tell you that if you buy the Reader’s Digest then you might also win money, but the odds of that were very slim, but as long as you keep returning the envelopes back to them then you still had hope and then of course the longer you continue this the harder it is to leave because once again they have you hooked. If you cancel your subscription there is a good chance that your numbers will come up the very next week and that $1000000 that could have been yours is now only a dream and then you will be depressed and crushed and your life will turn to shit. Of course there are many similar formats to this example and how scary the similarity is to religion. If you don’t believe in your god then you will be damned from here to eternity.

Now we will get an email from a Nigerian Prince or Princess or a Saudi royal who has millions to give away to you and all you have to do is to pay a small fee and they will transfer you millions in return. Your great aunt that you never heard of before has left you money but if you want to get it you will have to send us a processing fee and so it goes on…………

But now the fisher-folk have a new toy to play with and that is Ransom Ware and they don’t want much money from you at all, it might only be around $100 and so you are more likely to pay up. Look before you click.

We also receive phone calls from the fisher-folk and they usually target a certain demographic. They will target those more mature people in society that might not be so computer savvy or might just not be savvy and they will tell them that Bill sent them to tell them that they have a ghost in the computer and they have to do an exorcism so can I have all your passwords please, oh and may I jump into your computer for a little look so that I can get rid of the beast. In fact I’ll install a small program that will help you and all I need in return is your credit card details or bank account details and everything will be Hunky Dory.

Door to door salesman are a thing of the past also but every now and again they will appear in a different guise. My Mother used to buy from the Betterware man and he used to come around with a suitcase, of what seemed to be useful products and all he was trying to sell you was what was in front of you and nothing else. But there are more devious and clever folk that will dress in a certain way and talk to you in a manner to make you sign a new contract or buy from a starving artist in some far away African country that has only Christian missionaries for help. I remember two year ago I was working in the garden on the weekend when this absolutely stunning young lady comes into the drive and may I add she was not leaving much to the imagination and as my Mother would say ” you could see what she had for breakfast” Now I’m an older guy, I would say distinguished of course and I enjoy talking to pretty young things but I am not gullible as to sign a new contract with a lovely young stranger that just happens to appear like an apparition into my garden, of course I do listen to every word that she says and I keep her talking for a bit as I am enjoying chatting to my new friend but then after a while the penny drops for her that this fish ain’t biting and so she moves on but the smile quickly fades and the body language changes and she’s gone. You have to try and use the right bait but sometimes it doesn’t matter how good the bait is some folk just won’t bite. And I can’t remember if it was for Gas or Electricity .

Facebook is a great place for the masses to have a discussion and to get conned left right and centre. Fake news is everywhere and click-bait abounds and what I can’t understand is why you would get into a fight with a total stranger in a place where you can write any old shit just to antagonise the other on a subject or matter that is beyond your control. How ever I do find this quite amusing to read through some of these comments and it never ceases to amaze how many time people don’t realise that they are just being wound up. When I used Facebook I would only comment to friends as I don’t really think that the total stranger really cares what you think but they will get a certain satisfaction when you are disgusted or are angry and the see you getting fired up. Just don’t feed the fire there is no point.

We go through life and have to avoid bait on a daily basis. We walk around the supermarket and are encouraged to buy some product because the some famous person eats it and of course you will look as good as them if you eat our full fat chunky chocolate bar. But to be honest nothing will change from now until the last day of the planet because there are plenty fish in the sea and the fisher-folk will never go out of business. They will just change their guise and modify it to suit the times and along the way we need to adapt just as quickly and become aware of what’s in front. Look beyond the bait and study it before you grab it.

Music was my first love and it will be my last
Music of the future and music of the past
to live without my music would be impossible to do
In this world of troubles my music pulls me through

John Miles penned these words in 1976 and it and it sums up my thoughts exactly.

I have a terrible memory and I put that down to the old grey matter being abused too much by life and maybe a wee bit of booze.

But for some reason I find that Music has the ability to transport me in an instant to a time and a place with vivid memories even in colour, even with sounds and smells.

Music has been a big part of my life since I was a kid. Yet I never learned to play a musical instrument. Still not too late I guess.

Having breakfast in the morn before going to school, we had no TV on so it was the radio. Usually BBC radio 1. It played the chart music of the day. You might have heard of some of these groups.

Such as the Beatles, Argent and Procal Harum.

From all this music listening I decided to grow the hair long and become a hippy as I seemed to be drawn towards most of the groups with long hair and of course the girls looked really cute with their cheesecloth shirts and sexy look oh and there was the free love and the odd joint.

I can tell you find that hard to believe because you need to have hair for that so that you could head bang to such wonderful groups as led Zeppelin and Deep Purple and the one and only Black Sabbath.

But again the years have taken their toll.

I loved them all and still play their music today. And of course you have to play it loud. There is no way you can play this music in a mellow way.

of course, Music can change your mood it can make you sad or happy. It can relax you or motivate you.

I sit in rush hour traffic in the morn and I’ve found that if I listen to Classical FM I arrive at work more relaxed than I have done when I’m say listening to Rage against the machine or Ramstein, which if you don’t know who I’m talking about.

Its like walking into a room and getting your brains smashed out……in a good way. This wall of sound just hits you and pushes the senses that make you want to bounce around and feel alive You need to hear and feel this music , no good playing it quiet

It might be a just a few notes of some disco dynamic like Earth Wind & Fire or Shalamar, but the next thing I’m back in the Cochrane House hotel and it’s 1978

Charlie’s the Dj and I’m up at the decks with a pint in hand and cigarette in the other. ‘The dance floor is heaving and it’s another Saturday night.

This is where you want to be if you want to pull somebody, get a lumber as we would say.

I’m chatting up Lynn, I’ve always fancied her. She wants a record played, I tell her I can fix that and I get Charlie to play the next few tracks for as small fee, usually a Bacardi and Coke and then I follow Lynn down to the dance floor, casually.

Lynnard Skynnard’s Freebird is about to come on. A classic from 1973. The music is Great I’m with Lynn can it get any better. She is the most stunning girl in the room and she is with me.

Charlie announces that it’s time for a ration of Passion a kiss and a cuddle and the music slows down and the lights go down

And then the piesta resistance “

Waiting for a Girl Like you by Foreigner”

I’m there. I’m in

I buy Charlie a double Bacardi that night.

This was a very eclectic time with music because it’s where heavy music began to mix with disco, Reggie and then a few years later we got the Jazz Funk and then along came the New Romantics and in the middle we had Punk.

The Sex Pistols, the Buzzcocks the Clash

There was a great mix of music and sounds, a great mix of people.

But there was One such song called the Birdie Song.

You’ve heard of the Birdie Song?

I hate that record with a passion, but it too has the effect of taking me to Majorca in a heartbeat. I feel the heat of the sun I can hear the Mediterranean lapping gently against the beach at Arenal.

I can remember how the 3 of us ken Bert and myself were out swimming when something touched our legs, it must be a shark and we all panicked as we had recently seen Jaws and we frantically splashed about racing for the shore not giving a rats about the others. We raced onto the sand, puffing and panting turning to see what the hell had scared the Crap out of us.

But there was no fin, just possible a small turd that got washed around from the sewage outfall on that headland over there.

We head for the bar as you do in these type of situations and we order cheap champagne from Pepe  one pound a bottle you know, no matter what time of the day or night it was he was there, ready to serve. Cheap Champagne or San Miguel

Ken got sun stroke from his plan to get a suntan on the first day and then concentrate on the woman for the rest of the holiday. It didn’t quite go to plan. He spent 3 days in bed and looked and felt like shit.

We seem to be drunk for the whole fortnight. But we had a great time, I think.

So many Scandinavians go on holiday here and the women are stunning. We had never seen woman like this in the flesh before.

We bumped into some Norwegian guys thinking they might help in our quest to get to know the women and we ended up drinking with them. They were absolutely nuts they lobbed their TV out of their 4th storey window into the pool. So we thought that was pretty cool.

Music has been with us since time immemorial. Ever since man decided to celebrate something we have had music.

It can dictate the mood of an occasion and transform the moment.

At a wedding, the Bride and Groom have their song,

How would the royal wedding have gone if there wasn’t music?

William and Kate’s Big day would have been a bit flat

Have you ever watched a movie with subtitles and then switched the sound off?

How much harder is it to follow that movie, how much do you enjoy it?

Music gives depth and meaning and substance suspense it can do all of this and more.

Mind you Mother Nature’s symphony has been with us forever and she too can make magic.

Sometime in her case it’s the lack of sound that accompanies a vista that makes it more impressive. One of the few times I’m sure it’s better to use the mute button.

When I came into this world I guess they played music and when I leave this world they will play some music I hope.

But what will that be, something obscure I would say.

I have a few ideas for that, but I won’t see the expressions on the faces when they hear my choice.

At my Mother’s funeral we Played Frank Sinatra’s My Way. I had a snigger at that.

I knew she wanted that and when I heard it, it reminds me of the day we spent at Manly having Fish and chips.

That’s the great thing about music it can put a smile on your face when you need it the most

And as John Miles says

to live without my music would be impossible to do
In this world of troubles my music pulls me through

Getting a little sick of the heat and the humidity, even although you can feel the difference from the past couple of weeks. I went for a short walk today nothing strenuous and yet the sweat is running off me.  I’m glad I’m wearing white again as I think any other colour would be very embarrassing. When I got off the bus my shorts felt so cold because the sweat has been running down my back. Role on winter.  The humidity is so high right now that you only have to move a finger and you’ll start to feel the beads form and begin to role. 

Well it’s still hot but I can’t stay home all day in the aircon so I decide to head back to Dongshan for another wee adventure.  The bus takes about an hour or so and as soon as you arrive you run the gauntlet of drivers trying to get your business,  but I politely refuse.
First of all I buy some fuel which comprises of 3 large Baozi or meat filled large dumplings and 2 bottles of water. After last week’s fiasco I thought I would be a bit more prepared.

I get onto one of the green Eco Friendly Boris bikes that they have around Suzhou and head towards Taihu Lake. It’s still hot and humid although today, but it would only be about 35c compared to last week which would have been well over 40c. I wore a white shirt because white does not show the sweat as much and I also took my UV jacket that is very light and great to keep the sun off you,  however it does not take long before I’m soaked and my thin UV white jacket is see through.

I’ve got about 20kms or so to the next bike station and the run will take me along the edge of the lake.  I cycle towards the traffic as I find it a lot safer so I can see what’s coming towards and anyway the road is wide enough to do this. If you cycle with the traffic it becomes way too scary. As I head off there are two cyclists on proper bikes going my way but they are on the other side of the road. The give me a glance when they go passed and give me a second look as they see the crazy old man on a Boris bike out this far.

The road runs the length of the lake and of course it’s relatively flat but when you are on a Boris bike which has no gears then sometimes the slightest of gradients feels like a major challenge. At one point I’m going through clouds and clouds of Dragonfly’s which are everywhere at this time of year. I’m hoping I don’t accidentally swallow one.

It’s getting hotter and the heat off the road is not helping. I’m soaked in sweat but I’m still so so hot. I decide to take off my T shirt and just wear the UV jacket so I pull over to a piece of shade and strip. My shirt feels like it weighs around a couple of kg, it’s as wet as it would be if I had just pulled it out the lake. I wring it out and I am amazed at the amount of water ( sweat) that comes out of it. There’s a good glass and a half at least I think. I don’t think I have sweated this much in years. My shorts are soaked and have changed colour, my riding gloves are disgusting and I’m in need of a shower. I do however have two bottles of water which I may add is not enough, I think 3 or 4 would have been better but at least I am only going 20kms.

I put my T shirt over the front of the bike to dry so I can wear it later.

I pull over after about a half hour for a drink and a wee rest and who do I see but the two guys on the good bikes that passed me earlier. They are very surprised to see me and give me a wave from the other side of the park. It’s bit like the Hare and the Tortoise.

I only stop for about 5 mins and then get back on the bike. I check the GPS and I can’t get a fix on the bike station but I see that the road I need to take is only about 4kms up the road so that’s good. When I reach the road I check the GPS again to confirm the location of the bike station which should be near the bus stop but alas I get no fix. In the distance I hear the thunder and the skies are beginning to darken, which is good because the temperature is beginning to drop. The GPS tells me that the next port of call is a place called Mudu which is about another 5 kms or so up the road so I decide to head for there as I have been there a few times and I know I can easily get the metro from there back home.

10 mins later the rain hits and I’m soaked once more, my T shirt had been drying on the front of my bike as I cycled along and it was just about dry when the rain started so I did manage to get it into my bag before the rain got too heavy. When I get to Mudu I find the first bike station and get rid of the bike. It feels strange to be walking again but I’m glad I can finally leave the bike alone. I change back into my damp T shirt which thankfully is not too smelly and head for the dinner and then the metro.

The metro is so cold because I am still wet. I get strange looks as I’m riding the train, maybe they think I have pissed myself or something, or maybe I’m beginning to smell……..either way I don’t care……..I’m just thinking of that lovely cold shower when I get back home.

It’s not only the English that are mad when it comes to walking in the mid day sun, some Scottish folk are just as stupid.  Yesterday I went to Dongshan by bus with the intention of walking one of the treks I’d been on before but as usual this can be easier said than done.  I couldn’t remember where we started the walk the last time so I went to the entrance of the park.

The road started to climb almost immediately and it was so steep in places I was walking on my toes. It wasn’t long before the sweat was running down the schuch o’me erse and everywhere else for that matter.

It was only early and I really thought that it would be a bit cooler out here.

I eventually got to the top of the ridge and came across a great look out where you could see right across to the other side of Tai Lake and really everywhere because I was on top of the mountain. There was no shade and I’m glad I brought my UV brolly to shade me.  I made the mistake of only buying one bottle of water but I did have 3 large peaches which I had to consume not only for some liquid but also for energy.

I made it to the top……….

I did not expect to be walking for this length of time because I was going to repeat the walk I had done before but then I’ve missed the track along the way and so I have no choice but to stick to the main road until the end.

I thank fully found the road back to civilisation and passed some nutter on a push bike going up the way.  Now these hills are steeper than Mount Coot-tha just to give you some idea.

I got to the bottom and saw some buildings and so I’m hoping for a restaurant or a shop at least,  only a shop but I buy 3 bottles of water and drink two of them there and then and feel almost human again. Don’t forget to carry enough water with you,  it could mean the difference between life and death.  No restaurants so I have to travel a further 4km to get back to the centre of town and the bus. Everything still seems closed and I can’t find food anywhere.  When I get back to the bus station I see a small place selling dumplings so I buy a couple of the big ones as I no longer have an appetite

My body is running on empty but I just get on the bus for the hour long journey home. To add insult to injury, there are a couple of old folk that sit behind me and talk as if they are at either ends of the bus. I don’t know how to say “Shut the Fuck up!” in Chinese yet. I can say it in a polite way but I don’t want to be polite.

Once home the shower and the aircon make me feel almost human but I am knackered. An early night for me me thinks

Fancy a cuppa. Below the local UBER

Now I don’t think the KM’s are correct cause ma steps are no that big, but still a good effort I thought