Believe it of not I really do hate shopping for clothes or shoes, but technology is ok, it takes so much time and you never seem to find what you want. Well that’s my world at the moment. My trusty $30 shoes have finally met their end. The were leaking the other day and that’s when it was only a little wet. You would think that the solution to this problem would be easy as I am currently living in China, but alas no………

Styles are very different here and to be honest the quality is shit for the money spent. Now the strange thing is, my last pair of shoes were made in China but bought in Australia and they were definitely worth $30. For a similar quality I would have to spend closer to $100 and that ain’t going to happen. I also need a good pair of hiking boots which I have almost worn to death. Both pairs have a lots of miles on the clock.

Yesterday I went all over the place and went to a factory outlet, which as we all know is just a con anyway. A similar quality boot was close to $300, I paid $40 two years ago in Vietnam. I’m hoping I can make them last till I travel at the end of the year and maybe pick something up in Myanmar or Thailand and I don’t mean a disease. So yesterday I saw so many shoes that I had nightmares.

After class today I thought would go to one more shopping centre and I finally found a shoe that was around $30, comfortable and actually not bad looking apart for the gaudy orange, but you should be able to see me at night OK. Now why did I buy these, well it was because my old pair had seen better days and they were leaking.

I dumped my old shoes as I shook off the baggage of old. I stepped outside and the rain was just beginning and I walked through a puddle as a wee test drive and low and behold it passed with flying colours. Minutes later the heavens opened and the rain was bouncing off me brolly and the street. I made it to the bus and was suddenly having doubts about my purchase, but I have to let my old shoes go and move on me thinks, after all they are quite comfortable. The grip level of Chinese made shoes can be lethal or OK and these ones thankfully are not bad, so not quite OK. When I get off the bus the rain is still coming down and it’s not long before my feet are absolutely soaked, my new shoes are drookit and am no too happy but to be honest I think wellies would have been the only answer today.

And don’t you hate it when you spend so much time looking to buy something and then when you finally take the plunge your have that niggling doubt, ’cause it fucking’ annoys me!

 Australian Research & Space Exploration 

Really?  How long did they take to think of this? 

It’s been a year since I’ve been here,

I was asked to come to help with a new school,

However when I arrived it turned out to be a load of bull,

Nothing existed, not even a book,

I had taken the bait and swallowed the hook.

I was so fuckin’ angry I could hardly speak,

My face must have said it all as the colour filled my cheeks.

 

My accommodation was shit,

My accommodation was old,

My friend and been so bold as to tell me it was fine,

To add insult to injury I was expected to pay,

I was so fucking’ angry but I had no choice but to stay.

I couldn’t talk to my friend and I had to avoid her in every way

I would’ve committed murder I think,

Because she pushed me to the brink.

 

I was in an old part of town and the traffic was heavy,

The horns were blaring and the pavements were messy,

Dog shit and crap all over the place,

An over powering stench which was like a smack in the face.

Camembert  or smelly socks would have been better to sniff,

Or even a few lines of Ajax or Jif

  

So what can I do now, I need to make some money.

My life in China so far was far from being funny.

I was introduced to an agent called John,

A strange wee man but he had a plan,

He would set up a demo class and see how I went,

10 new students were my victims and so we were set.

I was so so nervous and the lesson was shit,

I felt that I failed and I knew I hadn’t nailed it

But John said, “ don’t worry for now you will improve”.

But I was ready to give up and just move,

This is not what I want to do, nor to feel this way,

But what can I do to make some pay?

 

I was asked, “Will you teach children?” I said “I’d rather not

It’s just too difficult and there might be too much snot”.

But I started teaching Emily a brat child like no other,

This child was the devil incarnate with a very vain mother,

But I needed the money and it was something to do,

But never again will I put myself through such grief as this,

My first visa run was rapidly approaching,

I just wanted to fly and discard this life

To seek safety and comfort in a familiar place.

To lie and relax far from that rat race.

So I went to Thailand to seek pleasures new,

To put some colour back in my life and stop feeling blue,

 

I returned a new man,

And I had a fantastic plan,

I would move out the shit apartment and find somewhere new,

I told Simon I was moving and said “you can shove your fucking apartment up your arse”,

Because you’re nothin’, just a filthy wee bastard you snivelling wee grass”

I never liked him and it felt so good to finally tell him what he should have already understood,

 

I moved to a new apartment the very next day.

It was modern and new and very far away from the chaos and noise,

It was upmarket and this place was choice.

I could stay for three months and it went in a blink,

And all too soon my heart was heavy and started to sink,

 

 

 

But Judy came to my rescue and gave me a room,

In a penthouse no less with a very good view,

I couldn’t believe it; I’ve landed on my feet,

I almost felt that I wanted to greet,

But I canny dae that as I’m too old to cry,

But now I can watch the wee birds fly by.

They wake me up in the morn which is better than before,

I have public transport on my doorstep and so travelling is no a chore.

I can stay for 6 months and then it’s time to move once more.

 

Well that time has arrived and it’s been an interesting time,

As I look over my year I think I have done just fine,

I’ve made many new friends and been many places,

I’ve tried so many different foods and gained celebrity status.

 

I enjoy my life here but I think it could be better,

But I will leave for a while and be a jet setter.

I’m hoping to go to Burma and Europe and back to my roots,

And do some of the things I had planned before like getting on my hiking boots.

I will leave here in December but will return next year,

I will be more prepared than before and have less fear,

I’ve met some good people here and will miss them when I go,

But I look forward to the reunions to come, to make a wee pilgrimage to my Mum.

To see old familiar places to see old familiar faces once more,

 

 Life is short and life is quick,

Tempus Fugit and all that shit,

But use it or lose it and try something new,

Or before you know it they will be measuring you for a box

And making sure you are wearing the correct socks.

If you have the option, then take a risk,

If you want to try it, I can assure you it’s better than being missed.

Let the reality become a memory to regale to another,

A friend, a family member or even your lover,

Live your life in reality and not in the virtual,

Or very very soon that daily ritual,

Will be your last.

 

 

 

  Continue reading A Year In China →

When I flew back from Hong Kong I had my phone on Airplane mode but look at the amount of wifi available from the clowns on board that don’t think that there is any need to switch their’s off. This happens on many flights in China. One of these clowns was sitting beside me and as we neared Shanghai he kept checking his phone for a signal. As soon as the wheels touched down he was on his phone.  

Organ donations

Why take it with you when you have no need,

Why be so selfish and pay no heed,

To the needy and the dying.

Your heart for instance was never used much,

This is because you were always out of touch,

If only you had used it more, but then again you were such an utter bore,

But never mind it’s not yours now.

It’s gone to a better home and a better life,

A better family and a better wife,

But the kids are still a pain.

Give me your face; I like your nose,

I wish I could have your brain and I could write better prose,

But I’m stuck for now.

I like your ears; they sit flat and are not too big.

I can also use them to anchor my wig,

I like your eyes, they are so blue,

But what have you seen with them, I wish I knew,

To see the life of another and be that fly on the wall,

What horrors they might have seen, what good can you recall,

But it’s not in the eyes but it’s in the brain they say, or is it?

Give me a kidney while you still breathe,

I’ll give you a big pile of cash so you won’t freeze.

You won’t miss it, in fact it will be better,

‘Cause you’ll only have to drink a little to have some pleasure.

They’re just going to waste in that shell of yours,

You drink so much booze that you are about to lose,

Not only your life but you sanity,

So give it to me so that I can have my vanity.

A dialysis each week is not a good look, for one such as me.

Give me your lungs I want to breathe on my own,

I want to climb a mountain and get into the high zone,

Where the air is clean and pure and fresh,

I will look after them, I promise………

I won’t smoke and I’ll breathe everyday

I’ll keep them warm even on a cold winter’s day.

But soon one day it will not matter what we need or what we lose,

Our stem cells will grow anew for whatever we choose.

So if I get bored instead of being sick.

Then maybe I can go for a procedure and get a really big….

Thick head of hair and look like a grizzly bear,

The way I was when I was younger.

But I believe we will not need this body in the next life,

And so if you can help someone to relieve their pain,

Then this is a win and a personal gain for both.

So make sure you tick the box before you rest in peace,

YOU won’t miss these bits where you’re going is my belief.

No matter your god or your religion too,

The next life guarantees a brand new you,

No miles on the clock, no wrinkles no pain,

SO there is nothing to lose and so much to gain

So tick that box before you move on

You know you want to do it, so get a move on.

This small gift will change a life in ways you can’t imagine,

Your essence may still be real,

Hell you might even feel.

But whether it’s a lung a heart a liver or kidney,

If you live in Perth, Brisbane or even in Sydney,

Then tick the box ‘cause you know if you didnae, you’re a loser.

I got some news this morning that I’ll have to look for new digs in October so I think this is the catalyst to make some new plans and leave China for a while and return to the west but via Myanmar and Thailand. 

I have a visa run planned for December and I’m planning to go to Malaysia and then onto Myanmar and after that I had planned to return to China but instead i think I will take the opportunity to head west and to go to Europe before going back to the UK. 

My visit was cut short to the UK last time because I was promised work in China that never came to fruition and so I felt my time was robbed. So I will have to save the pennies for the next few months before I pack my bags and go West. 

I shall keep you posted😆

I know this teacher called Carol and she asked me to do a demo class for 4 students and I said yes. Their English ranged from so so to not very good at all so it was difficult to do. At the end of the class only one wished to proceed which is ok. To my surprise the terms and conditions for payment are this,

If I want to charge 150 to 200 rmb for a one hour lesson then I must give her 100rmb for every class that I do. I was asked not to mention this to her neighbour and friend that wanted to have the class with me. So then I would have to charge this poor sod 250 to 300rmb each time and then give her 100 rmb for every class, I think not……. A one of fee might be acceptable but not for every lesson. I reneged on this offer and I feel sorry for the many people here that are being ripped off for English lessons. Maybe I am the stupid one but I could not charge up to $60 an hour for an English lesson.

This is the reason I will never be rich, but at least I can sleep easy in my bed at night.