The yellow Ford stopped at the pump,

Music blaring, thump thump thump,

Blonde bint at the wheel, hair like straw,

I’m thinking to myself, “this is someone’s Ma”

She’s oot the car and what a sight,

Our eyes meet, shit what a fright……

Saggy tattoos on wrinkled arms,

One of her more beguiling charms?

Chest to her knees, arse big as a bus,

Latex leggings about to burst,

Big shiny cowboy boots, whit a mess,

Black metal singlet, dark glasses too,

This old bint must be nearly 82,

Wurzle Gummage springs to mind,

A scary sight at any time,

Strutting her stuff reliving her youth,

Even although she’s a bit long in the tooth,

Her mind is young, her body old,

The Ford looks good and the colour bold,

She don’t give a Fuck,

She lives life to the full,

Mooth like a sewer, but she ain’t no fool,

Sniggers abound, me included,

Am thinking to myself that she might be deluded,

But each to their own, be young at heart,

You don’t want to end up a fogey old fart,

I had a week off from work and it was great. I was finally able to get many jobs around the house and garden done which I have been putting off for weeks. I put some 5% window tint on a few of the windows and what a difference it makes.

I got new security screens fitted to a few of the windows and got a new sliding door, which is bloody marvellous. I can now lie in my hammock with the door opened and the bugs or anyone else for that matter can’t come in.

I stumbled upon cheap velvet curtains at a place called “Silly Solly’s”, a bargain $5 shop. On Sunday, I went to visit Ann & Trevor and they were kind enough to take the curtains up for me so that I could hang them, and don’t they look good,…………the curtains that is J

In the garden, I picked up a quarter of a cube of crusher dust and a cube of mulch. The mulch was easy but the crusher dust was tough. The crusher dust was for the paving, which is still not finished but getting closer to completion. I have had quite the workout this week and I am sure I have lost a few kilos along the way. This is the way life was before I started this job thing and I must admit I could easily lapse back into this lifestyle; I just need a source of income or a lottery win…..not too much……

Being at home within my four garden walls was just brill……not having to go anywhere was just brill………….not having to work was just brill and not having to talk to the public was fuckin’ great!!

No agenda, no schedule, no problems. The only downside that I can see is when the summer weather kicks in and the temperature creeps towards 40c, but hopefully the downstairs area will be sufficient to repel the heat.

Got the old computer upgraded a little. New SSD and 2TB drive along with Windows 10. This is the first time since 1995 that I have bought a legit copy of Windows. Windows 95 came with the option of either 13 floppy discs or 1 CD Rom; I waited for the CD Rom. Mind you I still have a set of Win 3.1 floppy discs, which might be worth a few bob one day.

So the old computer is running a lot better I may add. The SSD makes such a difference as it only holds the operating system and everything else is on the new 2TB drive. But I think I’ll end up upgrading the processor and motherboard soon too. I’ll use it for a few weeks and see how it goes, but it is certainly better than before.

The old PC is still running a dodgy copy of Win 10, so I’ll have to try the new product key to see if it will accept it and activate it, if not no drama I’ll format it and do a clean install. However, before I do that I will have to back up the drives as they have a shed load of info on them.

I am going to use the old pc for the Torrents and stuff because if any nasty bugs infect it, I will not have me other stuff compromised in any way and of course, it will begin to annoy me because it is now so much slower than the upgraded one. When I switch it on, I could go and make a coffee and drink it first before it is ready to work and the old IDE hard drive is slogging away making a hell of a racket, whereas the new SSD is almost silent and so much quicker.

Next door are cunts, noisy cunts, inconsiderate cunts and the list and expletives could be endless. I might have mentioned before about their obsession with making noise, well today was one of those days. It began very early in the morning, around 4 am when they fired up the old Nissan Patrol, as they do, and let it run for 10 minutes or so before setting off. This happens every time they drive it.

They have an old diesel Patrol and a Petrol Patrol. For some reason for the last year or so they have let them both run allowing exhaust fumes to waft in all directions including into my house.

Inconsiderate bastards!

Everyone has to cut the grass at some point and oh joy this morning they had to do there’s. It’s my day off; I don’t want to listen to the noise they make, but more so I don’t want to have my clean washing which is out on the line being covered in the shit that gets kicked up when they use the blower to clean their yard. They have dogs, 3 dogs in fact, which is one more than they should have. Dog hair and debris is scattered all over their yard and when they use this fuckin’ blower it sends it up and over the fence and towards my house, my garden, my washing………cunts.

I’ve been here for 17 years and the routine is the same.

1, Use blower to clean up yard and send all the shite over the fence or out onto the road. Spend at least 20 to 30 mins to complete.

2 Use whipper snipper to do edging.

3 Use blower once more to clean up debris.

4 Use Lawnmower,

5 Use blower to clean up debris.

Do you see anything wrong here? Fuckin’ Idiots………

Maybe if the gods are listening they could maybe defecate on their house from a great height, but make sure you miss mine……….

Last week in the world, Australia upset the apple cart by buying new subs from America and the UK instead of the French. The French deal has been in place for many years and is worth a fair bit of money. The French are pissed off at this decision and you cannot really blame them. Australia, as usual, is easily swayed when making decisions and lately I feel many of the decisions they have made are shite. The fear and paranoia of America is spreading worse than Covid.

Australia has always wanted to play with the big boys, but no one really takes them seriously. Australia is the child in the room that wants to be an adult. They want to go to the parties and join in with all the old guys but they are just too young and naïve and an easy touch……..

They want to have a drink but they are too young to handle it and then someone offers them a beer and they get all excited and the bravado kicks in and they will do anything they are asked to do to curry favour.

America pretends to be the nice big brother but in reality, he is a psychopath. Australia wants to please its big brother so much and will always do what it can to make him happy, even over the last four years when he was really going off his rocker. However, underneath Big Brother has always been cunning, manipulative, psychotic and an all-round selfish bastard……….however wee brother still wants to please and can’t see the reality.

And so, when big brother says to his wee brother, “Tell the French go and Fuck themselves! You don’t want to buy their smelly diesel submarines; you want our shiny new nuclear submarines which are really really good”

“Ok where do we sign up?”

“Right here me boy…..”

Meanwhile Big Brother does not tell wee brother that they have just been conned into being cannon fodder in the event of a fight with the local gang, and plus the fact they have been conned out of their lives savings. They are so gullible……….remember the last time they bought some planes? That didn’t work out as planned…..

However, wee brother is too stupid to see the big picture and happily embraces the death eagle and invites him to come to his home and bring all your friends and at the same time Fuck the Dragon.

Not only has Australia annoyed the French, the rest of the neighbourhood ain’t very happy either and I am not sure that the Australian population is on the side of government. I thought the Pacific was a nuclear free zone.

As part of the deal there will be more Americans on Australian soil, not a good idea. You may as well paint a target on the country and send invites out to every radical on the planet. Mind you I remember them being so happy when they could finally announce that there had been a terrorist attack in Sydney, and they were so happy that they could finally join that club.

Only thing I like about America are the land yachts.

We need to keep America at arm’s length and not to support them with every whim that they might have. America just loves a conflict, especially when it’s far away from America. Remember it is a war economy……

I moved to Australia many years ago and was happy that it was far from the maddening crowd. We had a war monger in the name of Maggie. In Australia people were just enjoying the sunshine and the wide-open spaces, tickling a Koala and riding kangaroos.. In all those years, Australia has desperately tried to join the global community, to be part of something bigger but they just have not had the right qualifications. Right now they have the opportunity to join one of the most important global issues and that is climate change, but they would rather try to get into the Eurovision song contest instead.

For want of a better word, Lapdog comes to mind. This petulant, racist country can only associate with the same creed, not those pesky Asians, and they may as well get conned along the way.

Meanwhile senior government ministers are doing the rounds of neighbouring countries to rally support, for something. What a sorry bunch they are. Trying so hard to embrace their Asian neighbours but they don’t know how, it’s difficult to watch the awkwardness of them. Not one of them has a semblance of a personality; a smile seems as foreign to them as they try to keep their racist views under wraps.

On TV the other night I watched a discussion on the possibility of war with China. I lasted 5 minutes and had to switch off. How fucking stupid are they? Australia is like an ant by comparison. Yes the country is big but it has a population similar to that of Shanghai. Too many war mongers being allowed to comment so that they can get their 15 minutes of fame or better still make a quid. These “experts” are dangerous. And don’t think that for one minute America has its back.

China will continue to push and push and where that will end I don’t know. For years they have slowly impregnated countries by stealth and no one seems to have noticed or cared. They are like fungi in some respects and the root system lying beneath is extensive and no one can really quantify it. Their world domination is different to past empires that went out to conquer the world by shouting loudly and starting wars, no they come bearing gifts and set financial traps for the unwary.

We live in interesting and scary times. Social media gives a voice to the nutters and the tribes will emerge once more and if we are not careful the global community will fracture because it will become harder to distinguish fact from fiction……..

After many months of seeing the world in a fuzzy fashion, I am very pleased that my new specs have made a difference and the months of suffering might just be over. My eyes are still very dry in the evenings and I still need to use drops but since I picked up my new specs on Friday, I feel that a new world has opened up for me.

I can once more read without squinting, screwing up my eyes or blowing up the text on the pc to read the distorted text. My eyelid still has the remnants of the sty, the blood blister is decreasing every day because I am using Paw Paw ointment coupled with the Manuka honey drops. Everything is heading in the right direction thankfully. I will continue with the regime that has been in place for the last few months but I’ll scale it back a bit.

My last pair of specs were bought in 2018 I think, and everything had been fine up until I got this sty and then the eye infection soon followed. Just one of the many ailments that I have suffered since I returned to the Western way of life. My new specs were just shy of $900, which is slightly more than the cost of the old pair, so I guess inflation has been kind to me.

In the big scheme of things, I guess it is over shadowed by world events. I never watched any of the 9/11 stuff. America has still not learned from its past, from its mistakes, for its arrogance and stupidity. In all the years, since this has happened I have only heard one voice echo my sentiments of that day. Roger Waters of Pink Floyd said that he naively thought that America might stop for a second and ask, “Why would they do this to us? What did we do?” However, no one did and instead they made up lies, as they usually do to, fabricated a story about Iraq having weapons and that Afghanistan was hiding the source of 9/11. Then they invaded these countries and the war machine was one more back in full motion. The “Hawks” behind Bush were rubbing their hands with glee because all they could see was the mountains of green folding stuff coming their way. All the way down the Pentagon food chain money was to be made and if all else fails we can steal the oil in Iraq….but as usual they fucked everything up and left chaos and ruin.

Ever since the end of world war two the Americans have gone about their own selfish business, doing what was necessary to achieve their goals and the consequences of their actions really didn’t matter to them. The have caused pain and suffering to millions around the world spreading their paranoia and fear of the bogeyman.

As my Mother used to say, “They shoot first and ask questions later?” this is the mantra of America.

Therefore, even as they were leaving Afghanistan they managed to kill one more family with a drone strike. Ten innocent lives taken because some god fearing individual sitting in an air conditioned room somewhere in America playing war games on the computer, in control of a drone completely detached from reality saw water bottles and assumed it was fuel for a bomb…………..

So what else could he do?

He pressed the button!

I went to a funeral yesterday. Lorraine’s husband Errol of 56 years passed away last week. I only met him a few times but enjoyed his dry humour and calm demeanour. He was one of those folk that could do everything, but was very modest too.

The service was held at the Memorial Grounds in Wacol. The grounds are lovely here. I’ve been here a few times over the year’s fare welling friends. The carpark was full and I had to park in the extended carpark near to the kangaroos. They were all having a siesta under a large tree. A beautiful spring day with not a cloud in the sky, the temperature was perfect.

This was the first time in years that I had to wear a tie and it was a bit of a challenge trying to get it tied and to make it look OK. As usual, not every guy was dressed in a manner fitting, what I would consider a respectful dress code. Some just wore T-shirts. A common theme at Australian funerals.

In the afternoon, I went to see Simon, my trusty optician. My eyes have finally settled down enough to get two readings of a similar nature and so now, I can order new specs. A long time coming. I have been battling this dry eye condition for months and it has been exacerbated by two sty’s on my eyelid. My adventure at the eye clinic was not fun but it did finally get results. Two courses of antibiotics and many eye drops and potions later, I have finally reached a point where I can get new glasses. Not sure of the cost yet, but they will be pricey.

On the way back from Brisbane I could hear this clicking noise and thought that I must have a stone stuck in the tread of the tyre so I kept on driving. I travelled the 40 km’s home, stopped for fuel and then went to the shops before finally parking in the garage. The rear tyre had the problem; a large roofing screw had gone into the tyre.

I jacked the car up and proceeded to remove the wheel nuts, well tried too. They were so horsed up that I had to get a very large lever onto the wheel brace to crack them. If this had happened on the roadside, I would have had no chance removing the wheel.

I dragged out the spare and was surprised that it was only a plain wheel and not an alloy; I could have sworn that it was also an alloy in the spare wheel well. Mind you, this is the first time in 17 years of owning the car that I have actually used the spare wheel, but I am sure when I have had new tyres fitted in the past I have always put one of the old tyres that was still in reasonable condition as the spare. Therefore, I have no idea when it was pinched. I also never buy Goodyear tyres and the spare was a Goodyear.

I put on the spare wheel, which is just a standard steel, and then discovered that the alloy wheel captive nuts were too short to secure the steel wheel .Again, if this had happened at the side of the road, I would have been totally fucked.

I got a lift into work an hour early, brought in the punctured wheel and dropped it off at Bob Jane’s. $40 later it has a new plug in it. Steve took me to the wreckers where I picked up a set of standard wheel nuts for $5. I’d better keep these in the boot along with the spare in case I have another puncture. Me thinks……..

I went for my annual service yesterday; well I got a blood test. I went to the same local pathology lab but this morning there was a new face there. She must have just started at this practice and I was the lucky first customer.

I do not mind getting blood taken from here because the usual girl does it quickly and efficiently and painless. The new girl on the other hand was extremely nervous and asked me too many questions.

We chose my left arm and she told me that I would feel a bit of a scrape, which I did. No problem there. The problem I had was the continuous commentary and adjectives such as beautiful and perfect being used which were completely out of context. Then we had my favourite fucking’ Australian adjective…….”Awesome”

“Can I confirm you date of birth?  Beautiful”

“Is your address…….? Perfect”

“Telephone number? Beautiful”

“Are these details correct?” …..”Awesome” Fucking Awesome. What happened to such words as Great, terrific, brilliant, fantastic?

This was by far more painful than the needle being forced into my body to extract my royal blood. My ears were almost bleeding in sympathy.

At 8.40 this morn I went to the doctors to get my second Covid 19 jag. I only had to wait around 15 mins but I always struggle to keep my heart rate low when I go to the doctors, white coat syndrome. Mind you no one was wearing a white coat.

I was number 3 on the list. My name got called and I went through to see the nurse. I got the jag in the left arm, same as last time and to be honest I felt very little and it was over and done with very quickly.

After the customary 15 minute wait I was free to go. I went to see about security cameras, after having an unwanted guest the other day I thought it was time to invest in some tech. A few questions later and info in my head I headed home for coffee.

I always do a bit of research before buying and after visiting a few places and looking on line I headed out for lunch. I thought I would treat myself for being brave, and so I bought a beef brisket burger with coleslaw and BBQ sauce and it was absolutely delicious. A bit messy as I found out, the bun began to disintegrate shortly after the first couple of bites but I will be going back for seconds soon…….

Got home around 1.30 and I just had to have a siesta, I was all of a sudden knackered. Not sure if this was the AZ or just too much shopping but I fell into bed and got some zzzzzzz

I think I will buy my security cameras tomorrow on the way home; this will give me something to do at the weekend…….

About 9.30 this morning I’m in the garage sorting out clothes that need to be washed. I pop into the other room and put on some music, I’m only gone for about 30 seconds or so. As I walk back into the garage I see a figure passing the window making their way for the open back door, I’m wondering had my mate arrived early?

We meet at the threshold………

Instead it’s a wee Aborigine guy and he got quite a surprise when he saw me……he wasn’t expecting anybody to be there.

He says to me” I just need to go for a shit”

Aye right I believe that.

Me “I can’t help you”

“If I don’t go soon I’ll shit my pants”

“Can’t help you”

“Maybe I can go at the station; it’s only 10 mins away”

“That sounds like a good idea”

“I hope I make it”

He seemed to able to walk OK, I don’t think he was touching cloth just yet………

What a cheeky opportunistic wee prick, having the audacity to casually stroll round to the back of the house as if he belonged. I thought I only had to worry about the cat shitting in me garden, but now it looks like I’ll have to watch oot for these wee black bastards as well.

When I’m working in the yard I always lock the back door and today just highlights why everyone should do that. More houses get broken into when folk are home. If I had gone upstairs and left the back door open then this wee bugger would have walked in and helped himself. I don’t believe for one minute that he needed a shit, he was out to see what he could get free gratis. Just wish I could electrify the driveway or have lasers set up to target wee shits like this, oh and next doors cat too 🙂

Census day comes but once every 5 years or so. I remember the last one seemed to have many many questions but this one seemed a lot shorter. Of course, they ask the usual questions, name rank and serial number, but they don’t ask your shoe size or the size of anything else for that matter.

As I wandered through, I did think to myself that it was a bit invasive at times, but I suppose if they are trying to find demographics I guess they need to be. I did not tell them where I worked; I thought that was a bridge too far.

Normally when it comes to religion I proudly put down heathen but this year I decided to become a Pastafarian and I am hoping that in 100 years from now when they have access to all the data they will analyse this anomaly of why a Scotsman became a Pastafarian in 2021. Was it because of climate change or was he just drinking too much, maybe a mid life crisis. I did have many strange dreams about the Spaghetti monster though.

Of course, the day after the census, there were complaints from some sections of the community about not being represented, well mainly the gay really and the “others”

They got really hot and bothered because there were no questions relating to the LGBTQI+ABCGZXPEHBE communities specifically. At the end of the day, they are either male or female or maybe hermaphrodite or lizard, but if they are not sure then they can look at their genitalia and depending on what they see, tick the box M or F. It is not fucking difficult. If you are a hermaphrodite……….eenie meenie miney mo!

The LGBTQI+ABCGZXPEHBE community seems to seek attention at every opportunity and us “Normal” members of society that conform to the norms of a binary society are fed up hearing about them, yes we are………

I do not need to wear a shirt that says I am straight; I do not need a label to feel good or justify my existence. I don’t need a welcome sign on a shop door saying welcome.

Where does this all begin and end?

Businesses have “Proud” flags or symbols with tag lines saying welcome here. We do not need a fucking rainbow in the window or any other flag. It would be far easier to say “We’re not Proud and you are not allowed” as I assume they are a minority within the community. What other groups of people should we put on the window? It’s Fucking nonsense.

If they get their rainbow I want a Saltire!

Yes I know there is racism, bigotry, homophobia, we have all been guilty even the LGBTQI+ABCGZXPEHBE collective, but I think they are being Heterosexist. Yes no matter what corner we stand in we can point fingers and shout names and make fancy statements, some folk just do it too much and you wish they would just shut the fuck up.

I could not give a rat’s arse what your pleasure is, I do not need to know if you like dick or pussy, hell I don’t even care if you eat lamingtons, but for Christ sake geez peace and stop shouting and waving your technicolour dream coat………….