The noise on the second night was not as bad, however the dogs that fight in the middle of the night didn’t get the message to shut the fuck up. I did manage to sleep I guess even although it was shattered several times.

I went to the Pyramids and they are really quite amazing. I’m so glad that I took the option to go inside the Khufu Pyramid because it finally gives you perspective on the physical size of these structures. We were all like ants crawling up this massive passage till we got to the burial chamber. The chamber is rectangular and the precision of the stones, these huge chunks of granite, is incredible. Everything is square, everything is bang on 90 degrees, there are no errors and yet we are told that they built these with no more than brute force and simple tools and equipment. I keep on thinking of the movie the Fifth Element where it’s the intergalactic Egyptians that built these things.

You enter via the robbers passage, and these guys were also amazing because they chiselled there way through several metres of granite just to get to the main passage leading to the burial chamber.

As I write this I’m sitting on the roof top and I can see two of the three pyramids and I can also see it crawling with little black ants, well that what all the tourists look like and then you can get an idea of the size of them. The more I look at them the more impressive they seem to be. The downside to all of this are the folk that harass you to take a camel ride or buy some shitty trinket.

One of the things I have really been aware of on this journey is how pathetic and shallow most of the tourists are because they are more concerned with how the selfie will look than actually taking the time to look at what is in front of their fucking eyes. Several times on this trip I have just stood on front of something and scanned it looking at the details before me and looking for some quirky hieroglyph along the way. Today’s world is rather sad when we can’t even consider the time and effort put in by the artisans of the past and to appreciate what they have achieved and left behind for all of us to see. I have never seen artwork as monumental as I have seen in Egypt. And yet for many people here it’s a few likes on Facebook or Instagram…..

I’m ready to leave Cairo although I have one more day to go of going somewhere. Cairo is way too busy for me. The traffic and the noise and the air quality is all bad. I took a taxi into town today and that was just too much, having to haggle with the driver when I couldn’t be bothered. On the way back I got an Uber and it was so much better, slightly more expensive but way less hassle.

I’ve been dreading coming to Cairo because it’s a noisy place to be. I’m not sure where you can stay and have peace and quiet. I made a brave choice or maybe a stupid choice of coming to stay at Giza near the Pyramids. They entrance to the Pyramids is only a five minute walk from my guest house and when I arrived the area was bustling with touts and tourists and so there is a bit of chaos, however its now 9pm and the noise coming from either an nightclub or restaurant is deafening and it doesn’t sound like it’s going to stop any time soon. This is shite to say the least and I’m not sure I’m going to last four nights here. I knew that finding a quiet place to sleep was going to be a challenge but right now I can feel the fuckin’ music, not just hear it.

Tomorrow I’ll go to the Pyramids and then I’ll have to seriously consider moving because four days of having to listen to loud shite music is not my idea of fun.

And of course let’s not forget the motor bikes and the shouting and the beeping of horns…. Oh and I forgot to mention the barking dogs and screaming locals..

Kill me now!!!

What is so difficult about finding your seat on a plane? This is only a small plane, there are seats either side clearly marked ABCDEF and yet for some reason trying to look at your boarding pass and then to the corresponding seat number seems to take an awful amount of brain power. I don’t think it’s possible to dumb this down any more than it already is.

Why do we have to live with these frustrating bastards for fucks sake?

Luxor is an amazing place and you need to come here to see the wonderful temples and tombs, however I was not prepared for the number of annoying touts that are everywhere.

As soon as you walk out of the sanctuary of your hotel you are bombarded with calls from taxi drivers and the others with horse and carriage. If you acknowledge them they will follow you and harass you for quite a while and rather than tell them to fuck off I choose to ignore them and then they will go through a few different languages before giving up.

There’s a lovely esplanade along the Nile and this is where you run the gauntlet of everyone touting for business. This happens in a few ways, some will say ” Hi its Ahmed from the kitchen, how are you? Where are you going?” Ahmed has never seen a kitchen in his life.

This technique is repeated and modified by both men and women, it’s only the occupation that changes, oh and maybe the name.

The ones that I’ve found really disturbing are the horse and carriage drivers that try to coerce you to jump aboard. When I gave them the rubber ear he told me that he knew what I wanted and that I would really enjoy it. Very fuckin’ creepy. Then he told me he could make my banana hard or if I want I can get a hard banana, I wish they wouldn’t give so many choices. Some of these guys just go a bit too far and if I was built like a brick shit house then they would end up in the Nile. It’s just fucking weird.

I went for a coffee the other night and another Ahmed sat beside me and started talking to me. When I went to leave he said “Don’t worry my friend I have paid for your coffee” I told him “I don’t think so” I went up to pay for it and the owner charged me 40 Egp, I gave him a 50Egp and he gave me 10 change ( 50 cents) and then my friend Ahmed asked me for money, I handed him the 10Egp and then he asked for more. I said “I have no more change”  so he says “you can get change over there” I told him to “Fuck Off”  This wears you down and takes away some of the enjoyment of travelling through here. I am really fed up with these folk and the trouble is that when someone just wants to help you, your first reaction is to ignore them or tell them to go away.

However there is so much to see here that when all is said and done, it’s a place that you must come to if you have the opportunity.

The biggest temple in Egypt and it is impressive. Us mere mortals look like ants against the massive columns holding this structure in place. And it’s one of the most important temples also.

Many of the columns still have colour on them although they have sustained a lot of damage over the thousand of years it has stood here. Each column matches the next. The dimensions at a glance look identical and I find the engineering behind this place mind blowing.

There are a few huge reliefs that depict battles and the consequences of loss, it’s brilliant and if you have the opportunity to get here then you must.

Even although me and the island got off on the wrong foot I hold no grudges. I stayed at the Mango Guest House for three nights, mind you it should have been five nights as I mentioned before. But the two days were really adequate to see what I wanted to see within Aswan, next time I’ll fly to Abu Simbel because I think that the drive will be quite unbearable after having travelled to Luxor today.

I went to see the Unfinished Obelisk which is still stuck in place within the quarry in Aswan. When you see the size of this thing lying down, where you are able to walk to length of it, it is really hard to imagine how the hell they got the others from here to the river Nile and then onto wherever it needed to go. The other thing to take into consideration is that this was done maybe four thousand years ago when the tools and equipment were very different to what is available today. Even with today’s equipment it would take a colossal effort to remove said obelisk from its position and get it to the Nile. Did these clever Egyptians have some fancy gadgets that we are unaware of? Did they have that anti gravity machine that many folk have spoken about?

After here I headed to the Philae Temple, which had to be moved and rebuilt when the Aswan dam was built back in the 60’s. It’s a huge structure and to think that it was taken apart and then rebuilt in its new place high above the water line. My first experience of an Egyptian temple up close and personal was really good but there was no wow factor with this one, however when you stop and study the walls that are covered in hieroglyphs and to see the detail and accuracy of each cartouche which are repeated over and over again, then the disbelief of what you are looking at sets in. It’s as if they had used a stone 3D printer and just printed a few hundred copies which are identical. So far I’ve only seen the bare stone but these once used to have colour and I’m really looking forward to seeing them in all their glory.

Staying on the island was a great choice, because it was so quiet there. There are no cars and the pace of life and the air quality is so much better than in the other side of that short ferry ride to the mainland.

The guys that run the guest house were very helpful and looked after every request. The room was small but comfortable, however I’m hoping that tonight I’ll be able to have a better sleep because I’m hoping that I won’t here the Cockerell crowing in the wee small hours.

The journey to get here had been eventful thus far, but I’ll detail they later.

When I finally got on the plane to come here I was already running two days late. The first flight was nearly 15 hours and was delayed thirty minutes again due to a very large summer storm, this had consequences. When we arrived in Doha and got into the terminal I was met by a large gentleman holding a sign saying Cairo. He escorted myself and two others at a great pace through this huge airport to the gate where the connecting flight to Aswan was waiting. He was on the phone giving someone updates all the way to the gate and so it was a surprise that when we arrived they told us that the gate was closed…. Tough shit. This of course meant that my connection in Cairo to Aswan would not be possible.

Rumblings of going postal were imminent. Mr laid back on the transit counter did not seem to phased or concerned about our dilemma or his safety and so it was once again up to myself to get back on track. Qatar Airways have not been very good so far and this was just another thing to add to the list.

I managed to get my flight changed at my own expense, however it would arrive two hours later than before. Something or someone does not want me in Egypt.

By the time I arrived in Aswan my eyes were hinging oot ma heid. My driver was waiting for me and so that was a relief. He got me to the ferry to the island and that was great too.

It only cost a dollar to use the ferry and after a few minutes we had reached the island. I did the courteous thing and let a few others off because my suitcase was rather large and plus I was knackered. Mind you one guy insisted I went first and so I did and the next thing you know I’m falling through the air with the greatest of ease and I thump to the ground like a sack of potatoes, but I didn’t end up in the Nile. My left foot got lazy and caught the dockside and as my right foot was already airborne then the only place left to go was down. Quite impressive I’d say.

I am really surprised that I didn’t break anything, especially me. The fingers on my left hand smashed the ground but there is no mark on them but they are a bit painful although nothing is broken. My bum bag with passports and money was hanging around my neck and so it had managed to take the impact as my chest hit the deck. The best thing of all I had an audience of many and not one person offered me any help, I’m sure they must laughed and off course this is something I would have done too. Karma for sure. schadenfreude look it up

Thankfully the young guy from the guest house appeared and took my big case and was very concerned but I assured him I was OK. I think that because I was so tired I fell like a rag doll.

This morning my fingers on my left hand are complaining slightly and I’m sure they will be fine in a few days. There was no claret spilt which I find rather amazing really.

So after a good night’s sleep and breakfast I went for a wander around my island home. The first place I wanted to see was the Nilometer, a measuring gauge built many moons ago by the clever Egyptians.

1982, Hogmanay, 10 minutes to go,

The dug’s tail is waggin’ as we head oot to the snow,

Ah got ma booze, ma shortbread and lump of coal,

Am takin’ nae chances…………

Bringing luck and prosperity is the goal,

Am no alone as a look around,

Half of Tay Place is walking the snow covered ground,

We all share some banter till Big Ben strikes 12,

Same time next year lads if we all survive,

Then knock the door and let the New Year begin,

The door is opened and I’m welcomed in,

These things I miss at this time of the year,

A moment in time so far from here,

But seared into memory and rekindled at will,

The memories and faces haunt me still,

But I’m glad that they do,

To reminisce, to savour,

The drinking but mostly the haver,

The hangover and the Bru,

And you never know you might even get lucky too,

Copyright Parahandy

Happy New Year for 2023 & well may yer lum reek!

As the year ends; there’s reflection,

The stench of stagnation,

Of needing change

To be optimistic,

To plan,

To realise dreams,

A new chapter,

To reset,

To achieve,

An adventure beckons,

A journey through time,

To touch the past.

The city beckoned and as I was awake at my usual 5.30 am, I headed on up after breakfast. I haven’t done the river loop for many months, although I have been up to Southbank a few times on the bike. It’s not been an easy year to get motivated, that rut I have been in has been more difficult to climb out of but I am finally up and out and preparing for the road ahead.

My fitness levels for the bike have also been diminished due to my lack of riding. It was a difficult ride this morn and I felt that from the off. The first few kilometres are up hill, a slow climb but the calf muscles were beginning to complain after a short time and I felt sick because too much exertion too soon after breakfast ain’t good.

There are two decent hills that I usually have to drop the gears for and today was no exception, however I had to stop half way up for a breather, the heart rate got way too high too quick. But I refuse to get off and push, although one of the other cyclists that had passed me on the flat a few minutes earlier did so and I felt a gloat coming on as this younger guy couldn’t handle the climb.

Reaching the top of the second hill brought with it a sense of relief because I now knew that I would be able to make it back to the car without too much trouble. I was enjoying being back out doing this circuit and the day was relatively cool which was an added bonus. Over the next few weekends I think I’ll do a bit more since I have more time on my hands.

When I got home I tucked into the leftover Pakora that I bought yesterday, I had it cold straight from the fridge and it was delicious. The dipping sauce is magic. After, I headed to the hammock for a siesta before making Chilli for lunch and then here I am sitting on the computer and at the same time ducking outside to soak the Noisy Mina birds that are a fucking nuisance. If I had a gun I would shoot them but there is a certain enjoyment giving them a soaking with the hose and no blood to clean up……….