Back to China yesterday from a very hot Thailand and today I wake up and it’s raining and miserable and I’ve had to dig out the thermals and put away the thongs and shorts once more. To make matters worse I’m back in my shitty cold and unhealthy shared accommodation which I will have to leave very soon. I’ve stayed in cheap hotels in Asia before but this is the only place I’ve seen a cockroach trying to flee from. It really is a fuckin miserable apartment and it only gets worse the colder it becomes outside. Simon is the guy that I rent the room from and is basic hygiene is almost non existent. He has never been taught to wash his hands after he returns from the loo. If you were to do a fecal matter swab in this place you would be hard pushed to find a clean surface. I’ve tried to educate him on some simple measures in regards to washing dishes and simple ways of keeping things clean but to no avail. So if I’m to last until my next 3 month visa trip I’m going to have to find new digs.

The thing I also find intriguing is that he has had friends over and he does not seem to be phased in the least about the state of the place and his friends don’t seem to notice either. You can live in an old house and still embrace a clean environment, but this is not something he is liable to do in a hurry. 

I walked the length of Jomtien Beach just about and there seems to be strange folk here and strange goings on . I think most of them are eastern European and there are definitely a lot of Russians. I’ve never seen so many  fat people on a beach before being loud and proud of their considerable bulk.  I was quite fascinated by them and found myself staring, mesmerised really, watching the fat wobble about when they lumbered across the sand. The stomachs of some seemed to defy gravity and looked really solid. They didn’t sag like some I saw, you know when the knees get covered. These ones would over hang from the body a good foot or more and were completely unsupported. Mind you if it was a building it would be condemned.

They stood around in groups of around two or three and sometimes there would be one on its own. But the other odd behaviour I witnessed was the way they stood with fingers spread and arms about 25° from the side of the body, there legs were also apart and it looked like legs and arms are in perfect symmetry. Their palms would be facing back and of course their bodies were oriented towards the sun. I tried to get a picture of this but it was too difficult so I hope you can understand what I’m trying to describe. A few stood very close to the water but when a small wave would approach they ran up the beach a little to get away from it.

Further along the beach I saw a similar behaviour from skinny folk.There was one guy that looked anorexic with a bald head,  he looked scary. So let’s say over a kilometer on the beach there are people standing in unison all with the strange pose and angled towards the sun just like the flowers do. Some fat and some thin and I bet you not an SPF in sight.
I might have stumbled across a cult like society or maybe they’re just fuckin weird.I’ve had a thought, maybe I could develop a platform they can either lie or stand on and it can track the sun automatically. They would be left free to either read and of course think even less. The angle the sun would strike them at would always be optimised for the best coverage. Something like a spit roast might also be an option. Instead of deck chairs we could adapt a spit rotisserie to clamp them in place for either horizontal or vertical use.

I visited Crosby beach in Merseyside UK this year and you will see statues staring out to sea and some are even in it.

https://www.visitengland.com/experience/see-antony-gormleys-sculptures-crosby-beach

Maybe this is where they have taken their inspiration from.

In my youth it was quite normal to drink to oblivion. We would go to parties and buy a six pack of beer, or if we were trying to be really tough buy some cheap spirit. I never could drink white spirits and I’ve never liked cheap whisky, so for the most part it would be beer. If you could afford it you could buy Breaker Malt liquor,  it tasted like shit but you got pissed and got some Brownie points for being able to do so. As we got older we could go to the pub and drink legally and even before we were 18 we would go and spend £1 on 3 pints of beer and a cigar. We were sophisticated you know. 

The Cochrane House Hotel was our training ground and I could not begin to tell you how much I drank or how many times I staggered home from there and that was just one venue. I’ve never been able to drink in the afternoon or the morning for that matter.Mind you I have done a few times over the years but I was young and stupid then. Now I’m just a little older and a little more wiser.  My body will rebel quite violently if I consume too much booze and so I think there is a time in life also that you realise that there is more than just drinking and partying all night,  but this is not Pattaya.

From early in the morning you will see the old guys starting their day with a beer and settling in fur another hard day at the office. After only a few days here and seeing what takes place at the Condo I’m staying at,  it doesn’t seem to be unusual at all. The same folk each night dong the same thing. Mind you they might be just tourists like me but they also look very familiar with their surroundings which makes me think that they live here. 

So this seems to be the way of Pattaya. You will get the tourists coming and going and doing their thing but there are many expats that just seem to party like there’s no tomorrow. I sometimes wonder what it might be like to live on such a basic and simple existence and of course I’ll have a beer when I’m travelling but God I get bored so quickly. I enjoy having a drink with friends and having a laugh but soon the body will begin to tell you that enough is enough. 

Jomtien 

I came to Pattaya only out of curiosity as I had a few days free. Well it will be my first and last trip here. Apart from the abundance of sex on offer, which I grant you is not a bad thing, I really can’t see any other reason to come here but if that is all you are after then come and come again if you can, because Pattaya is the sex capital of the world so you don’t have to look very far.  There is a smorgasbord of sex, a plethora of women from all around the world that can look after you and satisfy your every need no matter how bizarre it may be and all they care about is the size of your wallet.

And there are a lot of tragics on both sides of the equation. If you come here you will see what can happen to you if you abuse your body for many years. There are some rough looking folk here, but it’s a great place to people watch. You can live out your every fantasy here and you will see guys walking along with maybe one or two women, guys that would not get as much as a smile from someone normally, but here they are happy and enjoying themselves for a small fee of course. Mind you I’ve never seen so much muscle and tattoos on display before either. Men strut their stuff almost everywhere in Pattaya and many can be seen preening themselves. I think David Attenborough should come here and do a documentary looking at the behaviours on display.

You can see the ones that spend a lot of time preening themselves making sure they are picture perfect. I saw this one bloke, he had his pink shirt, white shorts, matching bag and glasses and muscles everywhere. Not too sure what team he batted for because he looked like one of these gang bosses that you would see in a London gangster movie. But his whole image of the clothes and walking a had been practiced. It looked like every move was calculated for maximum effect to advertise his assets. And then of course you get the fat bastards that have just indulged all their lives and don’t really care about the body image at all but still  ask for diet coke. But in Pattaya image doesn’t matter really to score, because if you have a big wallet, you can buy what you want.

The beach at Pattaya is a thin strip of sand covered with umbrellas and you need to be up early to get one. But you can stay here all day and be fed, watered and even get a massage. Even here during the day you will find some Thai ladies ready to look after you for a fee. They will sit at the rear of the beach keeping an eye out for potential companions.

At night the esplanade has a shift change.I walked from central Pattaya along to Walking Street and along the way you will see many women of all ages and to my surprise nationalities. There was even a girl that looked as if she came from the middle east. They’re all shapes and sizes but they don’t harass you when you pass, if you make eye contact they will simply smile.
Meanwhile the men are pounding the strip having a look or trying to muster the courage to go up and talk to one of them. The men want to but there is a little fear or maybe guilt playing out in their head clouding their decision.But then a brave one will break ranks and claim his prize.

Every so often you come across a raised platform and this seems to be a meeting point for old men. I’ve never seen so many old guys just waiting for something to happen. Mind you a few of them were chatting up the ladies, still some life in a few of them.
This scene was repeated a few times as I strolled along towards walking street, but to me it seems a very sad existence. I would hate to end up sitting like one of these old men and if I do please shoot me.

But I did go to walking street which is on the sea front and you will see many weird and wonderful people. They’re certainly not shy in coming forwards here, in fact they are in your face. The scantily clad ladies are very young and advertise their wares and the club and the older ones tend to stay in the shadows. Although one of the ladies that does a Ping Pong show is quite happy to tell you what she can do. As I said you can indulge your every fantasy here and maybe a few new ones.

There are tour groups walking through. There are many Chinese tour groups all walking along behind the tour leader with his wee flag that they follow. There are so many Indian guys here too. When I went to India two years ago I’m reminded of the conversation I had with a couple of passengers. Two young guys on a very cheap package tour for 4 nights in Pattaya. It was costing them the same as I had paid for my flight. They had no idea what to expect and they had never had a girlfriend and now they are on their way to Pattaya. What a baptism of fire for them.

I could ramble for hours here but I will not. For me Pattaya was no more than to tick it off the list of places I’ve been to in life. There is nothing here to bring me back. If you want to have a bit more beach life then go to Jomtien a bit further south. It’s a bit quieter and not so tacky but again there are better places to spend your time and money in Thailand.

Up at the crack of dawn and then off for some trekking. It was a mixed bag of people. There was a middle aged couple that were smokers, not a good thing to do when heading off on a trek. No hats and no sun cream. But they did have a back pack for their ciggies.

The next couple were ABC’s and they had all the gear with them. They had the proper foot wear, clothing and the all important waking stick.When I saw this I thought we would all be fucked trying to keep up with them. But looks can be deceiving. The last pair were a young boy and girl but not together.

Our guide was named Tiger and explained to us that we were in no hurry but instead we were to get through this in one piece. I thought that was good advice while remembering my fall when I walked in Sapa Vietnam earlier in the year. 

It was hot and sunny so I slapped on the factor 50 and the hat and the long sleeves, although in hindsight wearing shorts was a bad move because I have more cuts from the grass than mosquito bites. We got water and lunch to take with us and the smoker’s got a fix. The ABC’S  (Australian born Chinese ) fixed their gloves and were ready. And we’re off. 

As always it starts easy as we walk up the road and then we head down hill through a field that has just been turned. It gets steeper and the ground underfoot is dry and dusty and a few are beginning to slip. I’m 3rd in line and we head on into the dense forest at the bottom. The young couple and myself are powering on and then our guide stops.It looks like we have already left the others. 

The path becomes narrower and more steep and more slippy because of the dust. I’m just making sure my feet go down square and solidly so that I don’t repeat the ankle twisting incident of Sapa.

The ABC’S are falling behind but as we have two guides we carry on. 

We wait at this clearing where they have these huge vines and Tiger jumps on to show us how to use it. To be honest I didn’t bother. 

It’s about 30 mins to the waterfall where we are promised a rest and a swim. 

There are another bunch of tourists plus many local kids using the pool to cool off in. Too cold for me and anyway I didn’t bring my mankini. The ABC’S arrive finally and it seems that the young lady has both knees strapped up because her knees are fucked, this is a technical term that some might not be familiar with. But in short it means she is thick as pig shit. Why  you would go on a 6 hour trek if you know your knees are not good.

We head up a short cliff face to the village to have lunch. I like how theyuse bamboo as handrails throughout this trek and you need it as we leave the waterfall.

Lunch is rice,chicken and a banana but I brought crisps and mandarins also. The pet monkey was cute and also scoffing the guides lunch. 

There were 3 dogs all waiting for us to drop a morsel of food but we were asked not to because they would fight but they curious thing was not one of them would approach the little monkey. They kept their distance and only when the wee monkey moved away did they go to finish what was left. 

So it’s onwards and upwards as we head off after lunch. It’s getting very steep and it’s hot and I’m smelling quite ripe or even rotten but on the plus side I’m not being harassed by mosquitoes.

We soon lose the ABC’S and the smoker’s are beginning to struggle.We have had to wait for them a few times and I guess the cleansing puffs they had at lunch have not helped. And so for the next hour or so or maybe more, myself and the young couple and Tiger have to wait for the smoker’s. The ABC’S are with the other guide. 

We then come to a fork in the road, the ABC’S are going for the white water rafting and it’s downhill for them.The rest of us are looking up at the side of a mountain covered in cabbage,this is where we are headed. Now this is where my legs give the first sign of a complaint and I’m happy that the young guy is also finding it hard.Not sure about the smoker’s but I think they will just be happy to reach the top without a heart attack.

We stop at a cave along the way which is quite small and has plenty of bats. It’s also very cool which is good but then you become aware of your own body smell and it’s not good.

I thought this looked like a man’s face with a big nose
We are on the last leg and we start to head downhill much to the delight of the smoker’s although they are still lagging behind. I discovered today that many of the large banana trees that you see in the forest don’t bare fruit like your typical Cavendish, instead all you will get is seeds.These were some of the biggest banana trees I have ever seen. 

We make it back to the bus and we are all very glad,  none more so than the smoker’s. But to be fair they  did make it,  but what must they be thinking if they think having a cigarette is a good idea when we stop for a rest. As an ex smoker I know how fucking stupid it is. 

Bur if you come to Chiang Mai there are many treks you can go on and some can be up to 4 days but you will have to be fit.I enjoyed it and I’ve woken up next morning tired but ok. It’s a good time of the year because it’s winter and so it’s around 30c most of the time. Summer is too hot. I used my GPS on the phone to track the walk but I don’t think the stats are 100% but the distance is about right so I’m told. 

I walked with MapMyRide+! Distance: 

7.92km, 

http://mapmyride.com/workout/1908791708

I rode with MapMyRide+! Distance: 51.30km, time: 03:39:10, pace: 4:16min/km, speed: 14.04km/h.

Have I told you that I  like Thailand lately? well I do. What a contrast to the noisy, pushy life that is China. I’ve heard a car horn once since I’ve been here for a few days and I’m sure it was justified. People talk to each other instead of shouting.In fact their voices are almost imperceptible. Life is lived at a very different pace and quite frankly I enjoy it. What’s not to like? well the answer is that in summer time the heat is intense and takes a bit of getting used to. But I guess if you have the option to retire to the aircon then you will be ok. 

At age 60 the Thai government make it quite easy foreigners to retire here and many do and I think I could be one in the future.The only downside is that I might have to go and get a real job for a couple of years to get a few more dollars 🙁

I can’t believe I didn’t have coffee yesterday but it’s true.This would have been the first time in many months that this has happened and mind you I didn’t feel any worse because of it. And so after being at the fruit market and buying my jack fruit,mandarins and almonds it’s time to get a caffeine hit. Black Canyon is a coffee chain which is not great but it’s a lot better than Starbucks, mind you that would not be too difficult. But today’s coffee does taste pretty good. 

But what I was going to say was,  I’m not sure what is worse or looks worse than a big fat guy with a young rent boy or a big fat guy with a young lady. Well you may say how do I know they’re not friends? simple really, friends talk when they are together they don’t just sit and go through the motions.So on this premise I rest my case. But to be clear, I think big fat men with young boys is definitely a lot worse. 

As I mentioned before my friend Anne has opened a bar in Chiang Mai and it’s in Loi kroa soi 3 up near where they have the Muay Thai boxing. There are many bars here but you have to come here and see for yourself. 

You can have a game of pool with one of the young ladies and by the way they can play very well. There are a couple that have a fin on their back.(shark) If you want you can play pool at no extra charge but if you wish to spend some time alone with one of the girls they will also be happy to do so. It’s Thailand afterall 😆

If you are not aware of the bar scene in Thailand then let me give you an insight. If you come into a bar, almost any bar in a sort of red light area then be aware you can buy many things.  You can buy alcohol but it’s not easy to buy crisps, however you can buy a lady or ladyboy for that matter. Mind you there are no ladyboys at Annie’s Bar. You talk to the boss lady or Mamasan and you pay the bar fine,  I believe it’s now 500 bhat and then you discuss with the lady of your choice the rest of the negotiation for her time. Many people of course are shocked by this but it’s very straight forward and takes away the stress of the situation for those wanting to have some company. Yes company, it’s not all sex and dipraviy, some people come here for company believe it or not. The ladies in the bar usually have a family to feed and as much as it’s a very sad way of life it’s common all over the world, but Thailand works with them and does not penalise those that make a living this way any more. This of course can’t be said for many other countries that take the moral high ground and pursue those that are just trying to make a quid and don’t have many other options, maybe before you criticise this way of life why don’t you come and experience it. You can be a voyeur or a participant it’s totally up to you, but either way if you come to Chiang Mai come and see Anne at Annie’s Bar.