All posts by Shug

Chaos Theory

October 2016

We have all seen I’m sure the slow motion footage of a drop of water hitting the surface and the effect it has. The concentric ripples that occur are beautiful, sensuous and relaxing to watch as they expand across the surface.

It’s something I could watch it over and over again, it’s quite hypnotic in fact, but I  enjoy the wonder of that moment. These ripples are beautiful and a wonder of nature and there is a certain symmetry of that event which I relish.

However the Ripple effect as we describe it is the continuing results of an event or action. Depending on how big the event is the ripples generated are relative.

For instance if you scale up that ripple from the drop of water we might get a Tsunami similar to what happened in Japan in 2011 or Thailand in 2004. The earthquakes that triggered these events were huge. The ripples and shock waves that were set in motion on those days had a catastrophic effect.

So let’s look at a couple of weeks ago when China devalued its currency. This began a chain of events around the world. Stock markets had their biggest falls since the GFC. Why ? because rumours rippled around the world that there was a crisis looming. Many people panicked. Many small investors in China have lost a lot of money as well as here. Our dollar is falling more so on rumour and speculation rather than cold hard facts.

What about Ashley Madison, have you heard about that website? You know the one you can join if you fancy a fling with someone. Was your account one of those hacked? I know mine wasn’t.

Hacker’s got into the site and threatened to expose their many clients.  Two suicides were linked to the hack. What caused both of these things? Quite simply fear. Fear of the unknown

A ripple of fear grew from what might be. The consequences of these events were in the forefront of the psyche of many people.

In the modern age Social media has become a vehicle that can move rumour and scandal around the world in seconds.

On Facebook the other day a young French girl posted a video saying that she was looking for the wonderful guy that she met on her one night stand and he is now going to be a proud father after their night of passion in Mooloolaba. A short time later it’s reported that it was a hoax. They did this to see how quickly something went Viral as the ripple turned into a tsunami fed by chaos.

So you can see that the power of the ripple effect is not to be under estimated and that it’s everywhere.

So on a different level, how does our journey through life each day affect our own world? What ripples do we initiate? Some we may know about but many will go unnoticed.

It’s what is known as the butterfly effect.

This is the Theory that everything matters.

That even the flutter of a butterfly’s wings can influence the creation of a hurricane on the other side of the world.

If you change even the smallest of life’s details, you completely change its outcome.

This is part of  chaos theory, So what is Chaos theory?

Chaos theory is a field of study in mathematics

It studies the behaviour of dynamical systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions—more so referred to as the butterfly effect.  It’s used in weather modelling systems.

So small differences in initial conditions (such as those due to rounding errors in numerical computation) yield widely diverging outcomes for such dynamical systems, rendering long-term prediction impossible in general. So in other words instead of being 2.79 it will be `2.8

This happens even though these systems are deterministic, meaning that their future behaviour is still determined by their initial conditions, with no random elements involved.

In other words, the deterministic nature of these systems does not make them predictable

But the butterfly effect means that is has  sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one condition can result in large differences in a later state.

The name of the effect, coined by Edward Lorenz,  An American mathematician born in 1917.

He derived it from the metaphorical example of the details of a hurricane (exact time of formation, ( X)+ (Y) exact path taken) being influenced by minor disturbances such as the flapping of the wings of a distant butterfly several weeks earlier then chaos ensues.

Lorenz discovered the effect when he observed that runs of his weather model with initial condition data that was rounded in a seemingly inconsequential manner would fail to reproduce the results of runs with the unrounded initial condition data. An exceedingly small change in initial conditions had created a significantly different outcome.

So in other words the next cyclone that starts to form of the east coast might turn into the perfect storm only because of that butterfly or maybe you or I did something to influence it like swatting a fly.

A simple way of looking at it is like this

The butterfly effect is exhibited by very simple systems. For example, the randomness of the outcomes of throwing dice depends on this characteristic to amplify small differences in initial conditions—the precise direction, thrust, and orientation of the throw—into significantly different dice paths and outcomes, which makes it virtually impossible to throw dice exactly the same way twice.

So what has this all got to do with us. Well can we predict the future? Is the future already written? Some people think so. Time is like a river flowing to the sea and if you want you can go faster or return to a previous point you can……………but can you?, not according to Chaos theory.

Well because of the chaos theory and the butterfly affect nothing is certain. The ripples that we set up on our path through life will collide with others along the way and from those Initial Conditions based on Chaos theory the outcome will be unpredictable but if you have two people, such as a musicians coming together then the sum of result may be more predictable only because the initial conditions are constant

We can predict a possible outcome but the future is not certain. You drop your car keys as your getting into the car tonight, what would have happened if you hadn’t?

As you walk down the street tonight and old man asks for some money, what do you do? Ignore him; give him a couple of dollars. What happens in both scenarios to him, to you?

One event in our lives can not only change your life forever but that of someone else that you don’t even see.

The world is currently in a state of flux.

We have the largest movement of people since the second world was and the ripples set in motion by the wars in the gulf years ago have now created a state of play that brings in all I have mentioned.

The ramifications of one person’s decision years ago could have been the butterfly in this scene and now the tsunami of people moving across the globe will change the world as we know it forever. We can speculate on outcomes but right now there are so many variables in the mix that it will be impossible. Governments around the world know of the moral decisions they need to take but they won’t and if they don’t then to be brutally honest the problem is so great that the perfect storm is brewing.

It ultimately comes down to cause and effect.

Ripples can be very beautiful things but it depends on the medium.

In days gone by when say Julius Caesar was slain it took a many weeks for that news to reach the ends of the empire. Today we watch such events live. When Gaddafi was killed it was streamed live around the world. We saw the immediacy of the reaction to his death but it was only later that the underlying ripples of unrest began to spread

Many Governments have used the ripple of fear to control the masses through propaganda. Including the Australian government. Tony Abbott  is a big fear monger. The Lindt cafe siege was a gift to the government to suddenly promote fear in the community. And of course to finally become part of that group of countries that has had to deal with terrorism.

The Lindt cafe incident was not terrorism it was a lone nutter who just happened to be Muslim. He should never have been walking the streets in the first place. The judicial system failed the public and the police on the day were ill equipped to deal with the situation.

A ripple can turn into a tsunami 

Consequences, scammers Victims misinformation.

We only have to look at recent history to see how one America Republican  government used fear to enter Iraq.

And look at that outcome, the world is in a hell of a state.

With no foresight chaos ensues.

Since  I was born the political landscape of the world has changed dramatically. Greed , ignorance and of course fear have fueled so many conflicts in the world. When the iron curtain was in place we used to fear what we could not see. We could only take the word of a few to let us see into that world. Unfortunately America has taken the lead in many of the conflicts around the globe using fear as the motivation for its actions.

My Mum used to always say to me that the Americans shoot first and ask questions later and how right she was. And still today the ripple of fear travels through American society.

If you look around you, the ripples of daily life affect us in many ways.

So be aware of as you walk through life, be aware of the ripples that you might be setting in motion after all, it ultimately comes down to cause and effect.

 

.

 

Billy Connolly

The windswept and very interesting Billy Connolly was born in Glasgow in Anderston in the 1942. He had a difficult upbringing but he wasn’t anything special. There are many people of that time and even now that have and were born in similar conditions. In fact Glasgow has the highest rate of poverty in the UK and their life expectancy is one of the lowest in the developed world.

You had to get a trade and the best place to go to was the Shipyards. It was also one of the toughest places to work but if you were up for it you would be fine. This is where he did his apprenticeship as a welder as well as comedy. You needed a sense of humour to work here.

There are many Billy’s in Glasgow, you only have to walk down the street or pop into one of the city’s many pubs and you will come across a character spewing forth the Glasgow Patter. But he is best known as the Big Yin.

To make life more interesting for him he was brought up as a Pape or a Catholic as you would know it. Many Papes & Prods fought each other for no other reason other than their religion. I can remember this from my child hood. I was at primary school when I heard that someone had been stabbed in a fight on the way to school. Mind you it was only a scratch. The catholic protestant divide is still quite strong in certain areas of Scotland.

My Mum was a Pape and she and I used to have a laugh about this because I was brought up as a Prod. She used to say that you could always tell a Pape because they had horns on their heads.

In the shipyards you would either sink or swim and Billy was already a bit of a smart arse, so for him going to the shipyards was one of the best training grounds He decided to also join the Territorial Army as it sounded a bit exotic and he thought he would get laid more. In fact his words were to Be windswept and Interesting, words I have used to describe myself when I had more hair. A lot of his stories came from the palette of characters he found in Govan Shipyards.

Even now you will find kids as young as 8 giving you some lip, as they say, or some smart arse comments.I’ve not been home for a few years but the last time I was I can remember being privy to a conversation where this 10 year old swiftly took down someone that was trying to be a bit too condescending and smart.

The sharpness of the wit and humour is instinct.

He was one of the first comedians to have the style of a commentary on life. I must admit it’s something that I have always done and can often remember my Mum and I commenting on the folk that walked past or laughing when most people might think that sympathy was the required response. I have a vivid memory of my Mum laughing at me when I was wee when I slipped and fell. I looked at my Mum and she was in tears laughing. My Mum said that she would go to hell for being so pass remarkable. That’s the catholic upbringing for you always sitting with your conscience.

Billy took a natural talent and excelled with it and offended many righteous folk along the way and why not. Life is too short and some barriers need to be brought down and humour is an ideal way of doing so. One of his biggest targets was religion, which is one of my favourite things to attack also. He went after the Catholic Church in particular with Venom.

The telling of the crucifixion done through Glaswegian eyes is still funny today, but it really pissed off the Catholic Church. If you can find this audio you must listen to it.

Religion wasn’t his only target, nothing was sacred and that’s the way it should be.

But he was not only someone that could command an unruly mob with his mouth but he was also talented musically and he plays the banjo very well. He was in the Humblebums. You might not have heard of them but you might have heard of Gerry Rafferty and another fellow called Tam Harvey. They had a bit of success but as you may know Gerry Rafferty went on to bigger and better things musically.

He would later combine his musical talents with his story telling as his career progressed.

But Scotland’s a wee place and if he wanted to make a name for himself he had to go south to London like so many other Scots before him.

He appeared on the Michael Parkinson’s talk show in 1971 and this was his big break into the main stream. What we loved the most about this was that we actually saw and heard a Scottish accent on the TV. And this guy was speaking just the way we did. Funny thing is that not many other parts of the country understood a word he said, much like what happened here and still does from time to time when I speak.

When Billy first went south he spoke very much like a local Glaswegian but as is the case we have to modify our speech for the rest of the world to understand.

Michael Parkinson was in tears listening to Billy, well that was when he understood what he said and to be honest if it was not for Michael Parkinson Billy would not be where he is today.

He had such a following that it was like hitting the jackpot for Billy.

Billy was also not media savvy and I guess his mouth and brain were not totally in sync and he just rambled on.

He told a joke that got him noticed and also lit up the BBC switch board.

Joke about Man’s Wife showing in the back yard. Play Video

He was refreshing and out spoken and just so far removed from the other comedians of the day.

He was a breath of fresh air

Billy used his musical talents throughout his career and he has many wonderful songs to his credit.

He did DIVORCE in 1975 which actually got in to the charts

If it wusnae fur yer Wellies

He has had great success touring the world and he has done many TV specials as well as movies.

He has a habit of taking his clothes off and running around naked when he visits places.

The role he got most accolades for was the depiction of Mr Brown alongside Judi Dench. Where he played Queen Victoria’s man servant.

THE Man that Sued God

X Files

The Hobbit

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0175262/awards

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Connolly#Discography

Connolly was awarded an honorary Doctor of Letters degree by the University of Glasgow on 11 July 2001.[55]

In 2003, the BAFTA presented him with a Lifetime Achievement award.[56] Also in 2003, he received a CBE in the Queen’s Birthday Honours.[57]

On 4 July 2006, Connolly was awarded an honorary doctorate by Glasgow’s Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama (RSAMD) for his service to performing arts.[58]

On 18 March 2007 and again on 11 April 2010, Connolly was named Number One in Channel 4’s “100 Greatest Stand Ups”.[59]

On 22 July 2010, Connolly was awarded an honorary degree of Doctor of Letters (D.Litt) by Nottingham Trent University.[60]

On 20 August 2010, Connolly was made a Freeman of Glasgow with the award of the Freedom of the City of Glasgow.[61]

On 10 December 2012, Connolly picked up his BAFTA Scotland Award for Outstanding Achievement in Television and Film at his BAFTA A Life in Pictures interview in the Old Fruitmarket, Glasgow.[62]

In January 2016 he was presented with the Special Recognition award at the National Television Awards to honour his career.[63]

Bibliography[edit]66 actor credits

5 composer credits

26 Writer

147 tv film

Health,

He is currently battling Prostate Cancer and Parkinson’s disease and deafness

It’s bizarre that the very namesake that gave him his first big break, Parkinson has a disease with the same name that will maybe take his life.

He has written letters to his Grand Children which he wants read after his death. He said he is facing death and is not afraid of it, but I’m sure like the rest of us he would rather be here.

He’s currently doing a tour of the UK which is where I would love to see him perform. Especially in Glasgow as this is where he would talk in his normal voice and could be free to speak naturally.

Billy Connolly will not be forgotten; he has created quite a persona and left his mark on the world.

Quotes

Marriage is a wonderful invention; but then again so is a bicycle repair kit.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards

There’s a point when big fat ugly people even feel good

 

Jinji Lake Art Museum

My friend Amanda and I went to this exhibition today. This exhibition by Peter Gentenaar from the Netherlands. Everything is made from paper,  but of course they have been manipulated in many different ways and in doing so he has created some magnificent pieces of art.

A very interesting exhibition and if the house was bigger I would like one in the hoose.

The Jinghang Canal

An evening stroll to burn off the dumplings, I’ve only walked 6000 steps today so I need to do a wee bit more. As I often do I wander off the beaten track and so today I head for familiar territory but take a different route. I know I’ll come across the canal at some stage but to get there I have to walk through some older parts where they don’t get a lot of tourists.

After walking through a rabbit warren of lanes and streets selling fruit and snacks I finally pass the vegetable gardens on the bank of the canal. There is a foot bridge allowing me to get to the other side. I stop to watch the barges go by on the river for a while as the sun is setting behind me. It’s been a hot day and it’s good to finally feel the temperature drop.

This is like the M1 for barges, transporting just about anything through the network of waterways around Suzhou and beyond. tonight however it was mostly gravel, sand, earth and construction materials being moved, for the most part in one direction and that was towards the city.

Some of the barges are going so slow because they are so low in the water. You can see the height difference as the pass each other. Most of the empty ones are heading west.

As they pass beneath the bridge you a can not only hear the low rumble of the big diesel but you can feel the vibrations come through your feet. Which I may add is very relaxing. To stand here at sunset and just watch the big barges lazily going about there business is very satisfying and good spot to get away from rush hour.

Although overhead today the Chinese Air force is flexing it’s military might. Not sure how far from here the Air force base is but today they have been out playing with their toys.

Not sure how long I stood here just watching the world go by, maybe the locals thought that the foreigner was ready to jump.

There’s a certain fascination with boats and I must admit I would have loved to jump on board one westbound headed for Taihu Lake. I like being on boats but only if I am near the shore. I like to watch the world from a different perspective and at a leisurely pace. Sitting on one of these barges with the big diesel humming in the background sipping a beer watching the world go by sounds great. It brings back memories of going down the Mekong River from Cambodia to Vietnam.

Many of the families running the barges live and work on the barge and this is where they will spend most of their life. Not sure if this is the life for me but I know that I could quite happily spend a few days at least.

Suzhou has many waterways but locals are not allowed to use the them. You can not buy a boat or canoe and explore. This is because the government think that it’s safer to ban all use of the waterways for private use because too many people might die and this is possibly true. The only boats allowed are tourist boats and the commercial traffic. But it would be great if you could hire a commercial boat and explore the back streets so to speak, but you cannot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PS I ended up walking 24,678 steps. I can have more dumplings…………..

I’m in my Prime

My mind is still young and my body is old,

But then again I feel so bold,

The shackles of fear have been left at the door,

I’m free and keen and ready to explore,

But am I in my Prime?

Well in my mind at least.

The skin is old and crinkled,

The muscles are worn and tired,

My flowing locks have long gone,

What’s left is grey and shaved to the wood,

My beard, my eyebrows and chest include.

It’s spreading its way south,

I am in my Prime.

But now I’m distinguished,

Well that’s what they say,

I get young people giving me a seat on the the bus,

I decline and don’t want to make a fuss,

I have my dignity,

I am in my Prime.

The mind wants to do it,

And is very sure that it can,

Mind over matter is the will of man,

But sometimes we fail and the body protests,

But you can always take a pill these days and still act your best,

I am in my Prime

Or maybe I’m just a Prima Donna,

Whose ego is large?

Whose outlook on life is controlled by the scars?

By the failures and successes of the last 50 years,

Which have always been accompanied by drinking a few beers,
But I’ve been fortunate in life although I’ve had some distress,

I can’t solve every problem but I try my best,

I don’t believe in god, but karma seems real,

And I know one thing for sure,

Something that’s real,

I am in my Prime.

A lonely miserable night in China

A lonely miserable night in China First written 2 weeks after I got here, but I just found it again so I thought I’d share

 

I wanted a change and I got it,

So I made the break from a boring easy life,

I left my friends, family and my Hoose.

I cut myself free of the shackles of modernity and order,

But not right away, a pilgrimage was done to ma Home.

 

So now I’m on my way to China you see,

But don’t know what’s ahead of me,

I feel that this is what I must do,

But yet I feel empty and don’t have a clue.

I thought that when I arrived some things would be in place, but instead it’s a bit ad hoc,

There is no job, well not for a while,

That soon made me lose my smile,

I could have travelled for weeks and it would have mattered, but to me.

The picture in my head has been shattered, but I should have known.

 

My digs are adequate and roommate Simon is fine,

He’s been very helpful and I don’t want to whine, but………………………

I feel that I have been deceived somehow,

So now what?

Do I stay and learn Chinese?

An asset today no doubt,

And of course I should be pleased,

But no, I’m not happy………

Is it also because I’m behind the big Firewall and can’t see Facebook or Google?

My phone doesn’t work and I’m getting sick of noodle,

So now what? What will I do? I don’t know……………..

Well there’s always a plan B,

But what will that B be?

Plan B will be better for sure and at least I have options,

So don’t despair, it’s better to have tried and failed, so they say……………..

But now it’s time for a single Malt,

I’ll open that the duty free,

A nice old Bowmore from Islay,

That’s the drink for me………………

Slàinte.

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted a change and I got it,

So I made the break from a boring easy life,

I left my friends, family and my Hoose.

I cut myself free of the shackles of modernity and order,

But not right away, a pilgrimage was done to ma Home.

 

So now I’m on my way to China you see,

But don’t know what’s ahead of me,

I feel that this is what I must do,

But yet I feel empty and don’t have a clue.

I thought that when I arrived some things would be in place, but instead it’s a bit ad hoc,

There is no job, well not for a while,

That soon made me lose my smile,

I could have travelled for weeks and it would have mattered, but to me.

The picture in my head has been shattered, but I should have known.

 

My digs are adequate and roommate Simon is fine,

He’s been very helpful and I don’t want to whine, but………………………

I feel that I have been deceived somehow,

So now what?

Do I stay and learn Chinese?

An asset today no doubt,

And of course I should be pleased,

But no, I’m not happy………

Is it also because I’m behind the big Firewall and can’t see Facebook or Google?

My phone doesn’t work and I’m getting sick of noodle,

So now what? What will I do? I don’t know……………..

Well there’s always a plan B,

But what will that B be?

Plan B will be better for sure and at least I have options,

So don’t despair, it’s better to have tried and failed, so they say……………..

But now it’s time for a single Malt,

I’ll open that the duty free,

A nice old Bowmore from Islay,

That’s the drink for me………………

Slàinte.

 

 

 

 

Backpackers Hotel Society 30/5/2013

I’ve never stayed in youth hostel and in a dorm for many years and to be honest I have been dreading coming here.

Singapore is so expensive for hotels and so we stayed here because it only cost $20 a night. The cheapest hotel would have been around $120.

So I bit the bullet and booked a night. The dorm had 20 beds but only 3 were occupied by young Malay guys.

The hostel is on the edge of the Little India area in Singapore and so there are plenty of places to eat so of course we had to eat Indian food.

We found a place that looked good and smelled good. We had chicken tikka, butter chicken, mutton something which just looked like spicy mince and some naan breads and of course mango lassie. It was great but you always feel like a beached whale after eating Indian food which s a real pity because I love it. I would be the size of a house if I stayed here,

A walk is needed to shift this lump in the gut. We head back to the hotel and have a beer to wash it down.

Jolene, who was on reception before and checked us in has left for the day and Simmy is here instead. We sit and chat for the next few hours and have a beer finding out about life in Singapore. On the surface it looks like a great place. Great shopping, great food, it’s very clean and there is very little crime. When you dig deeper you realise that to live here being millionaire is the norm and not the exception. In fact you need to be a millionaire to live here comfortably. The average car that might cost you $35,000 in Australia will be closer to $100,000 here. Road tax is very expensive although I don’t know the exact cost.

Some of the younger ones want to leave because they feel trapped and not as free as in the west.

Racism is prevalent due to the influx of the Indians and the locals don’t like it.When you travel to countries like Cambodia a lot of the problems are obvious,in Singapore like may of the western countries the problems are not so obvious. For example Australia which is proud to be a multicultural country is very racist. On the surface this might not be evident and but you only need to spend a short time in Sydney to see it at work.

So here we are at the Backpackers Hotel Society,from left to right Pete,Jolene,Simmy and myself. We had a really good time here and I recommend you stay here when you come to Singapore. If you are like me and you like to have your own room and you are scared to try something different like a youth hostel. Stay at the Backpackers Hotel Society, you will have a great experience and maybe it might change the way you travel.

Jolene and Simmy are reason enough to come here.

I can and I will

March 2016

I want to, but can I?

Do you think I can? I don’t know it’s going to be so difficult.

But I want it, I want to………..

But this fear is eating at me clouding my view………..

I see my horizon but I don’t know if I can make it…………

It looks so far away

But if I do, it will be great, won’t it?

 

I’ll be on top of the world,

I’ll have conquered my fear and my life will be grand,

I’ll be walking along the shore kicking the sand….

 

But what’s that?

I see fear sticking his head in once more, attacking my thoughts,

But why is this so?

I have nothing to fear……..

Just breathe and have a beer

Don’t worry what others say, you know you’re good

So Bugger off fear there’s no room for you here.

Get out of my head and just disappear.

I can and I will.

 

 

Wire Brush & Dettol

Feb 2009

What is happening to us?

These days when we cut our finger or sneeze we run off to the Hospital to get checked up

And after we have sat for more than 4 hours with the rest of the waiting room, we get told take some Panadol and you will be OK in the morning.

Why do we do this?

Why do we waste not only our time but the Public health system.

I can remember a few times in my Youth when I spilled some claret. Mostly when I was under the influence of alcohol I may add. And the worst thing was that I was still in Pain.

I got my finger caught in a car door……….A bandage and some gauze fixed that one, oh and some Dettol

Pool cue in the wrist. A bandage and some gauze, oh and some Dettol.

Both were put on by my sister, who just laughed at me as I remember. No sympathy. Just told to shut up it wasn’t all that bad.

I could go on,

But as Billy Connolly always said that the cure for everything was Wire brush and Dettol, that was the War cry.

 

 

OVD517M

April 2009

In 1981 my apprenticeship was finished and my contract was not renewed

At the same time my girlfriend Marie left me. That’s us in the van together

But the hardest thing to cope with that year was the loss of my Ice Cream Van of 3 years. It was a way of life that was magic.

It was so hard to get a van and I had one of the best runs.

You had to know someone or be very lucky. But I got Van 1

You would usually start as a relief driver. Most often Saturday nights. And if you went OK you would work the whole weekend. This meant you had to be out all day Sunday. Stopping only for lunch.

It was a long day but worth it.

We got paid by commission and the rate was 7p in the pound. Doesn’t sound much but in 1978 that was a lot of money.

A week night you could make $5

Saturday would be at least a tenner sometime more

Sunday’s were just great 20 pounds easy

I got the van from Matt. Local Entrepreneur and bouncer whom I knew well.

He had some business to take care of and he asked me to look after the van in his absence.

How could I refuse?

It was great

Drive around all night in a van that was loaded to the gunnels with sweets and meeting girls at every stop. I could take what I wanted and didn’t have to pay for anything.

I tried everything on the van at least once and never got sick.

We sold

Crisps

Pickled onion was my favourite. We had salt & vinegar cheese & onion, tomato smokey bacon and for a short time Hedgehog.

Chocolates dairy milk

Too many to mention and a few that you don’t get here.

Drinks

Lemonade, limeade orange and a few local tastes………Irn Bru , Tizer and Dandelion & burdock

Which was ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING

Cigarettes

At least 20 different types.

We sold them to anyone. None of this over 18 malarkey. In fact some of the kids were our best customers. We even sold single cigarettes with two matches, just in case the first one went out, that’s how generous we were.

At the front window of the van we had all the stuff for the kids, just at the right height.

Penny things.

Toffee, Chocolate bananas jellies, snakes, liquorice. Flying saucers, Chelsea Whoppers

We also had the fridge which was full of ice cream and Ice lollies.

We sold cones

Double nougats

Oysters

Wafers

You could even buy condoms and or Hash. Paki Black, Moroccan Gold, RedLeb or Cannabis Resin

I rented the van from The Parducci dynasty for 20 pounds a week and we had to do was buy all our stock from them..

Parducci Ice cream was the best

My run or territory was my very own council estate. Corseford.

Which you had to defend believe it or not.

It’s a mile in circumference with streets and cul de sacs all named after rivers.

I lived in Tay place.

In the 80’s there were turf wars between rival van companies all over Scotland.

The amount of money to be made was staggering, either legal or illegal

In fact thirty years ago, criminals realised that ice-cream vans could be a perfect front for drug dealing and moving stolen goods

Andrew Doyle was 18 and was a van driver for the Marchetti brothers in East Glasgow.

He tried to venture into new areas and increase his territory.

Mr Doyle was threatened and shot one night.

Then, on 16 April 1984 someone set fire to his tenement home in the middle of the night. He and five members of his family died that night. And this was all over Ice Cream Van territories.

In 1986 in Glasgow Thomas Campbell and Joe Steele were convicted of murder after killing six members of the Doyle family. The deaths coincided with the targeting of ice cream vans in Glasgow as a front for moving stolen goods and drugs.

After twenty years the pair was released. This was one of the more dramatic incidents that made the headlines and the main stream media and there have been movies and books written on this subject.

When I started the van in the late 70’s we had turf wars and they were taken care of pretty quickly.

When a new driver took over area news travelled fast. Matt was a hard man and nobody dared to come near him. But now it was my turn.

It was first of all the Pollombo van that did a few hit and run ventures into my turf. Mind you their ice cream was good. But you couldn’t allow this to happen.

Luckily Matt had left his crack young team to protect his investment. His young team looked after things well and in return some booze was bought to help them along.

Other companies would give it a go and even some of your own Parducci drivers. But after a couple of weeks when everyone realised that the protection was still in place, they all backed off……….. thankfully.

I wasn’t one for fighting. Although we did keep a large stick in the front of the van just in case.

Tony was the van boy that I inherited from Matt. He came with the van. He was 15 and absolutely nuts. He had obviously been watching Matt’s diplomacy at work. The idea of hit first and ask questions later was his style. Most nights he would jump out the van and chase some other kid that was getting a bit lippy.

We had a few heated discussions, but soon we got down to making money. That was one of the main reasons we were there. The more money we took in the more we got paid. Tony was on commission also. 3p in the pound. For this he would make sure that the van was ready for me to pick up after my work. And at night we would stock it up and get it ready for the next day. He loved the van more than me.

It becomes a way of life.

And being 15 an on a van, the other kids treated him like a pop star, well most of them.

I would take a Saturday night off and get a relief driver. Had to make sure Tony approved of course.

On the Sunday morn if I was feeling a bit rough and couldn’t quite face the day till I had my greasy breakfast, then I would let Tony do a circuit of the scheme, which would take bout an hour. For a 15 year old he could drive really well.

Our chimes were “Strangers in the Night” and I must admit I never got sick of them. You were allowed to play the chimes up to 7pm and then you were supposed to blow a whistle which we rarely did.

I got caught one night by the Police.

I had managed to get away with it before, but this night I got caught fair and square.

I went to court and got fined 10 pounds for breaching the Anti pollution act of 1976 sub section B. This was a criminal offence which has haunted me for years.

When I applied to come to Australia I had to tell them I had a criminal record. When they asked me what for I said in a quiet voice………”Playing my Ice Cream Van chimes after 7pm” I wished that I could have told them something more exotic.

There was only one way to drive the Ice Cream van and that was flat out. You could go round the corners pretty fast in the van, but sometimes if you pushed it too far……you paid the price.

All the crisp boxes that sat on top of the crates of lemonade on the floor would come crashing and spilling out.

Can you imagine how sticky the floor would become, when all these sweet drinks mixed with chocolate and penny things from the front kids shelf. Although we did recycle as much as we could get away with. You just had to bury some of the sweets under something else.

Hail rain sleet or snow we would be out in the van. That’s if we could get to the depot and then get back up the hill.

The depot was in Miller St at the bottom of a hill. If we did get out then you could have a ball.

You could put your foot flat on the floor and then hold the wheel on full lock and you could have the van doing a pirouette while the van chimes played Strangers in the night

Don’t see many vans doing that

It didn’t matter how cold it got we still sold ice cream. In the middle of winter we would have a gas heater up the front in the cab so we were cosy. The Gas bottle jammed into the foot well. Let’s see the Health and Safety allow that one these days.

I made the mistake the first winter I worked of leaving a bottle of lemonade in my car overnight. When I got into the car the next morn there was glass and ice all over the driver’s floor. The floor was so sticky. It was so cold that the bottle exploded.

The van was like a bank on wheels. If I was short of cash and I could help myself.

The van bought me my first flash car. A Ford Capri S It was only 3 years old and I was 19 and the girls loved it.

I loved it I used to pass this car on my way to school and now it was mine.

We went to Majorca on holiday. Two weeks in the sun when most kids my age were going no where.

Life was good…………no life was GREAT.

Then along comes 1981 and it all disappears. I lost the van due to an argument over money with Roy Parducci. He said I owed him 400 pounds. I told him to shove it.

That was a mistake and I was the one that got shoved.

It was all gone,

It was all over,

The first night after losing the van I heard the chimes play as the van roared up my street.

That was my Van

That was Van 1

I have so many memories and good times, more than I can impart to you tonight. It was a very special time in my life.

It was certainly was the end of an Era.