It’s been a year since I’ve been here,

I was asked to come to help with a new school,

However when I arrived it turned out to be a load of bull,

Nothing existed, not even a book,

I had taken the bait and swallowed the hook.

I was so fuckin’ angry I could hardly speak,

My face must have said it all as the colour filled my cheeks.

 

My accommodation was shit,

My accommodation was old,

My friend and been so bold as to tell me it was fine,

To add insult to injury I was expected to pay,

I was so fucking’ angry but I had no choice but to stay.

I couldn’t talk to my friend and I had to avoid her in every way

I would’ve committed murder I think,

Because she pushed me to the brink.

 

I was in an old part of town and the traffic was heavy,

The horns were blaring and the pavements were messy,

Dog shit and crap all over the place,

An over powering stench which was like a smack in the face.

Camembert  or smelly socks would have been better to sniff,

Or even a few lines of Ajax or Jif

  

So what can I do now, I need to make some money.

My life in China so far was far from being funny.

I was introduced to an agent called John,

A strange wee man but he had a plan,

He would set up a demo class and see how I went,

10 new students were my victims and so we were set.

I was so so nervous and the lesson was shit,

I felt that I failed and I knew I hadn’t nailed it

But John said, “ don’t worry for now you will improve”.

But I was ready to give up and just move,

This is not what I want to do, nor to feel this way,

But what can I do to make some pay?

 

I was asked, “Will you teach children?” I said “I’d rather not

It’s just too difficult and there might be too much snot”.

But I started teaching Emily a brat child like no other,

This child was the devil incarnate with a very vain mother,

But I needed the money and it was something to do,

But never again will I put myself through such grief as this,

My first visa run was rapidly approaching,

I just wanted to fly and discard this life

To seek safety and comfort in a familiar place.

To lie and relax far from that rat race.

So I went to Thailand to seek pleasures new,

To put some colour back in my life and stop feeling blue,

 

I returned a new man,

And I had a fantastic plan,

I would move out the shit apartment and find somewhere new,

I told Simon I was moving and said “you can shove your fucking apartment up your arse”,

Because you’re nothin’, just a filthy wee bastard you snivelling wee grass”

I never liked him and it felt so good to finally tell him what he should have already understood,

 

I moved to a new apartment the very next day.

It was modern and new and very far away from the chaos and noise,

It was upmarket and this place was choice.

I could stay for three months and it went in a blink,

And all too soon my heart was heavy and started to sink,

 

 

 

But Judy came to my rescue and gave me a room,

In a penthouse no less with a very good view,

I couldn’t believe it; I’ve landed on my feet,

I almost felt that I wanted to greet,

But I canny dae that as I’m too old to cry,

But now I can watch the wee birds fly by.

They wake me up in the morn which is better than before,

I have public transport on my doorstep and so travelling is no a chore.

I can stay for 6 months and then it’s time to move once more.

 

Well that time has arrived and it’s been an interesting time,

As I look over my year I think I have done just fine,

I’ve made many new friends and been many places,

I’ve tried so many different foods and gained celebrity status.

 

I enjoy my life here but I think it could be better,

But I will leave for a while and be a jet setter.

I’m hoping to go to Burma and Europe and back to my roots,

And do some of the things I had planned before like getting on my hiking boots.

I will leave here in December but will return next year,

I will be more prepared than before and have less fear,

I’ve met some good people here and will miss them when I go,

But I look forward to the reunions to come, to make a wee pilgrimage to my Mum.

To see old familiar places to see old familiar faces once more,

 

 Life is short and life is quick,

Tempus Fugit and all that shit,

But use it or lose it and try something new,

Or before you know it they will be measuring you for a box

And making sure you are wearing the correct socks.

If you have the option, then take a risk,

If you want to try it, I can assure you it’s better than being missed.

Let the reality become a memory to regale to another,

A friend, a family member or even your lover,

Live your life in reality and not in the virtual,

Or very very soon that daily ritual,

Will be your last.