We always feel anxious when we step out of our comfort zone and head in a new direction. Over the years I have done this a few times and it never really gets any easier because you will always doubt yourself right up to the minute of that decision. So far my choices have worked out……….

My contract with my employer expires on Friday. One month ago I got an email which I may have eluded too, which thanked me for my contribution and then proceeded to ask me to give feedback. This pissed me off severely……..At least have the decency to have management talk to you first before sending out an exit email.

I had to re-apply for the position, well that’s ok and so I did. I got my interview and it went well apart from me losing the plot slightly about the management. Ah well….. one must vent every so often. I was asked to give my decision by Monday on what I wished to do? Stay or go?

On Monday I told them that I would stay and then immediately regretted saying that.

This morning (Tuesday) my feelings were confirmed when I walked in and sat at my desk………I don’t want to be here anymore. An email I got from the regional manager outlined her expectations for the coming year. Some of those expectations were:

Cold calling potential builders,

Having to acquire 15 trade accounts

Report your progress every fortnight and have a zoom meeting to discuss

To increase sales targets to increased budgets

More virtual consultations with customers and builders

And at the same time look after all the retail customers that come in throughout the day and all for the basic wage. I didn’t sign up for all this and it’s worth more than 50 grand a year.

Now some people might just continue to work and let the shit hit the fan further down the track, however I don’t need the added pressure and I am not chasing sales. My head is saying stay and my heart is saying run…………so I ran. I was never that keen to work here anyway and 12 months is enough and may I add I have done rather well.

Of course having the money makes a difference but I feel that my mental health is beginning to suffer because I have not done many of my passions over the last year and to a lesser extent having to listen to the bullshit and paranoid ramblings that often take place at work. There is enough noise in the world, in the media and I don’t want to go to a workplace where the conspiracies are loud and strong. That was one of the great benefits of living in China; being cut off from the outside world……Ignorance can be bliss……I would really like to get back but in the meantime I will return to a simpler life and to have more time to myself. Life has been too busy the past year and I have not had the energy or the time to pursue other interests.

The contract was for 12 months and I really expected, maybe naively, that the world would be open for business but it just seems to be getting worse.

I don’t think I will get work before Christmas and I don’t really want to start looking yet, but if I see a part time job that suits I will certainly go after it. I might be able to sign on and get a few quid which would help, at least that would cover the monthly bills.

But the sense of relief I feel now about my decision makes me know I made the correct choice and the future does not worry me, well not yet 🙂